To be surprised by this Christening?

[SpringBee]

Before I start I'd like to say I really hope this post does not come across as highly judgemental. I'm just genuinely interested in some opinions!

So I'm not actually a mum...I'm 22 and work in a pub a few nights a week. We have a function room at the bottom of the garden and a few days ago my boss told me I'd be working at a Christening on Saturday night. I thought this was kind of strange...every Christening I have been to (haven't actually been to one since I was about 13) have been quiet affairs, tea, cakes, cucumber sandwiches, that kinda thing! Of course a few drinks too. So when he said there was a Christening doo going on until 1am I was a bit :S.

Anyway arrive at 5pm just as the party are making their way back from the church. All started off fine! There was a DJ playing normal, chart type music. There were a lot of children who were all up dancing and enjoying themselves. But at about 9pm the music suddenly got far more clubby. We were so busy that I wasn't paying much attention to the dance floor but I suddenly noticed all the kids had gone so assumed they'd all gone home to bed! At around 11pm I walked around to collect glasses to see that all the kids were asleep on the side sofas under their coats..while their parents were getting smashed. People were ordering shots, bottles of wine (each), 4 or 5 pints in one go (each). Now I'm not a total square!! I admit I'm not like "most students". I don't drink much etc but I have actually worked in clubs/pubs/bars since I was 18. I fully appreciate the need to let off some steam! And this was the parents 3rd baby and the other 2 children both looked under 5 so I'm sure they were in need of a crazy night. But am I being a bit uptight to think it's strange to combine this with a Christening? Or at least arrange care for the children?

Is this how a lot of Christenings are now? I was worried that I was just being boring but the other guy and girl I was working with both agreed it was a bit strange, and they're both the type who go out 3-5 nights a week. Another girl I work with thought we were being fuddy duddy and said it's "any excuse for a party." It's actually her little girl's Christening today and in her words "I intend to get absolutely fucked."

I heard them all at the end of the evening saying they were going to go back to the parents' house (of the little boy who was Christened) to continue the party..and this was with 3 little ones in the house :/

Perhaps this was the one opportunity they felt they had to get all their friends together and have a really big blow out. So that, I can understand. But wouldn't you at least make arrangements for the children? Am I a total bore for wanting my children's Christenings to be all cutsey and traditional?? haha I do sometimes remind myself of Monica in Friends...anyone seen that episode where she throws Phoebe's bachelorette party and it's just tea and pate sandwiches and Phoebe is upset duet to the lack of a stripper?? haha anyway that's all really. Was just interested to get some advise from some mums!

If this really happened the way you describe I am just . It's plain antisocial and disgusting. I wonder who will have had to do the cleaning up? I am surprised the landlord didn't ask them to leave tbh. I have been barred from pubs for less.

That wasn't a Christening, it was a party.

You didn't actually mention the Christening at all - I presume that happened beforehand in a church.

I wouldn't plan to get 'absolutely fucked' whilst responsible for small children. I've got very merry at a wedding with toddler asleep in pushchair until 11 but not uncontrollably drunk. If I was planning a party like that, I'd arrange childcare. It's fun for kids to stay up a bit late and enjoy a family party where adults are drinking, but not getting hammered - this christening doesn't sound like sociable and fun drinking, it sounds like quite a frightening experience for kids if the adults were so out of control.

Ok sorry sallingforth the christening after party. The room was decorated with photos of the baby and blue decorations and there was a christening cake etc. Plus a couple of speeches about the baby and parents. So it was still obviously connected to the christening

Famousfem the landlord was furious. He was up stairs working in the main pub so wasn't aware what was going on. My friend went up at around 11 to tell him about the smashed glasses, broken toilet seat, vomit in the corner etc and he was livid. He said to just let them stay til 1 but then they had to be out and he's charging them extra for the glasses/toilet seat Etc

YANBU

I would hoik my judgeypants at this.

If you want to go out and get smashed, fine.

But don't take your children along and leave them sleeping under coats in a pub.

Mind you, a long time ago (pre DC) I was at a festival with some friends. We were all off our faces. Then another friend turned up, also off his face but with two small children in tow. We were appalled.

This was the Love Parade in Leeds so not family friendly. He was in no fit state to be in charge of children. They looked frightened and cold. It was awful. :( Funnily enough we stopped being friends with him after that. Grim.

Jellystrawberries you just concisely said exactly what I think. Watching your dad smash glasses while shouting "let's go fucking mental" and seeing people throw up = not fun. Just a bit scary

Ok, that's disgusting behaviour by those parents. A Christening is a religious event and it's not appropriate to follow that up with a massive piss up where the parents end up too smashed to look after the children and the children are left to fall asleep wherever. Have the christening, get the kids home to bed and then get smashed, not exactly religious but why continue the party as part of it? Have a night out instead, doesn't sound like the christening was focused on the baby really.

I know I sound judgmental.

I wouldnt do it myself. But some people just love to party. At least they weren't doing it in their back garden and annoying the neighbours.

It sounds quite extreme! But the last 2 christenings I've been too have lasted until midnight with drinking and dancing.
Our dds were still dancing but Ds had fallen asleep at about 10pm in his buggy.
It's not going to do any harm as a rare one off unless parents are paraletic and unable to keep their DC safe.

"" Sorry but we just found it a little strange as none of us had been to a party like it.""

That's because you didn't grow up in the 60's/70's/80's, there would of been smoking and people driving their family home, to add to the mix.

Our family and the people I mix with are of the any excuse for a party" types, so we've attended these events.

I've missed many a toilet and had to hang on to the seat, only to take it with me to the floor, the bruises the next day are brutal.

The children that I've attended these events for and with are now all young/adults, they are well balanced and we all have good memories, sometimes we take these "parties" to Turkey/Cyprus/Caneries.

Yes, we are the group that most MNers love to hate.

On a side note, the LL had a duty of care and should of got his arse down there, to gage whether they were to drunk to serve.

You all don't seem up to date on the law, if it is as bad as you say.

Most venues we hire these days have a "kids out at 8/9" policy, so we take it to someone's house.

"A Christening is a religious event "

That's probably why they had it in a Church and the after party in a pub.

The OP is describing the after party, the reason for the party was because they had come together to see the child get Christened and moved on to party.

Arf @ ' a Christening is a religious event'

Have you ever been to an Irish baptism? You know - Ireland, that Catholic country, where we all sit through the church bit so we can get to the free bar afterwards?

Arf @ ' a Christening is a religious event'

Arf away, but you know exactly what that means. A Christening is a religious service - a child is baptised in a church.

What happens afterwards in a pub/house/garden is a party. It is not part of the Christening. Very likely the Christening is the excuse for a piss-up, particularly as you say in Ireland!

With you on this one OP. Sounds grim.

I read this, and I really feel for children.

You can pussy foot around, but it is shite parenting. So what if it was the only chance to let their hair down and have a drink. Show a modicum of bloody decorum and sense. What happened if something had actually happened to one Od the children and an a&e trio was needed.

I wouldn't go so far as it is indicative of abusive parents, but I absolutely think it is indicative of parents who view their own happiness and need to get shit faced as more important than making sure their children are settled and comfortable.

As a parent of two, it is totally alien to me.

We got dd2 christened last week, nice service in church, then bbq at ours, had good weather for it. Lots of wine/beer/prosecco but all in control, and everyone went home by 5 or 6, plus as it was a Sunday lots of people had to drive home. Totally agree its an opportunity for a party/family get together, but not in the way you describe. Strange that it was on a Saturday too, they would usually do weddings on Saturdays but not christenings.

I once worked the bar at a wake very similar to this christening. It was for someone quite young. The parents had decided to have karaoke and a DJ, they asked DH to do it but he felt a bit odd about it and declined.
Most ended up pissed and fighting in the toilets.
Christening parties do sometimes end up in a big party round here, most people usually behave themselves though.

I like a drink and a boogie as much as the next person, and there have been times when we've had parties at home with loads of kids and loads of booze that have somehow turned into quite raucous affairs. No vomit involved, mostly. But yes even I do think it's a bit odd to actually PLAN a pub do till 1.30am with a DJ for a christening.

I got pretty drunk after DS's christening. Church, local pub for buffet and a few drinks, deposit the child with my mother, go out with the rest of the family! But a big no, no to be being hammered and responsible for DC.

Yanbu at all, it sounds awful but not unusual. Sadly I've come to dread the times when there's a Christening at church as it involves crowds of people turning up at church in their Friday night best (no one has Sunday best anymore). I promise I'm not a prude but tits out and skirts so short we can see your knickers is not a great look for a Sunday morning!

It's a case of 'any excuse for a piss-up' and nothing really to do with religion or the children at all.

And really bad parenting if all the adults are smashed out of their minds!

What comes round goes round. I bet those parents feel pretty ill today and they might be trailing around the park and I bet the baby was awake all night. That's why they were silly - they didn't think of the consequences. And no, that sort of event and behaviour isn't appropriate when children are present. What sort of church is prepared to conduct a baptism on a Saturday afternoon anyway? That's the bit I find most wrong - the christening is supposed to be part of the baby's welcome into the church community and the church community isn't generally around on a Saturday afternoon.

I agree NearTheWindymill, perhaps it wasn't even a Christening :s maybe it was a naming ceremony or something.

enjoymycoffee1981 I agree. At one point I noticed a little boy wondering around looking a bit lost. I asked him if he was ok and he said he was thirsty so I got him some squash. I then asked if he wanted his mum, which he did and asked him to point her out to me. He said she wasn't in the room but that she was wearing a bright yellow dress. I then noticed outside, a lady in a bright yellow dress throwing up in the bin.

As I say I saw my parents tipsy numerous times as a child, and yes I loved those parties where you were allowed to stay up as a special treat. I was 6 for my dad's 40th and my parents set up tents at the top of the garden for the kids to collapse in while the adults continued partying and we loved it. But honestly I'm sure I'd have been quite scared as a 6 year old watching my mum throw up, my dad smashing glasses and spitting over his friends, then watching them engage in an emotional drunken conversation with my mum crying her eyes out.
At least let the kids stay up until 10-11 while they're still awake, take them home to a babysitter, then go back to the party and get totally rat-arsed. (although the smashing glasses and breaking toilet seats obviously would still not be ok!) but not in front of them...

I'm not sure the fact that its a christening should have me hoiking my judgey pants.
But very young children being in the care of utterly pissed adults? Yes. I'm hoiking as I type (tricky but do-able)

And, fwiw, I was one of those outrageous students/ grown ups befo I had my DCs.

YANBU

We are doing something similar for our DC christening.

We are doing a joint christening for the two of them, and having a big party on the Saturday and the baptisms on the Sunday.

We are hoping to have the party at a local hotel so people can stay with us and at the venue, and we are hoping to get a room near the function room where people can put buggies etc if needed, though I don't think anyone will have a babe in arms at that stage.

We are doing this because the last family party we had was at our wedding and it was raved about, and because our family and friends are scattered over the country and in some cases the world, so it makes sense to have more than just the church service and afternoon tea on the Sunday.