to not understand why girls need to wear a wedding dress to get confirmed?

[AndyWarholsBanana]

DH is from an Irish Catholic family so I have seen loads of photos of his nieces on their confirmation days in a white dress with a veil and always thought it looked a bit odd but never quite got the connection with it looking like a wedding dress.
Yesterday, there were 2 girls aged about 10 going into our local Catholic church and they were unmistakeably dressed as brides - full length white dresses with trains and veils. I just found it really disconcerting and a bit yuck. I'm sure they weren't bothered and probably enjoyed getting dressed up but it just freaked me out a bit. Is it supposed to symbolise getting married to God or something?
I don't know if I'm overthinking it but I am very aware through one of the charities I donate to about the forced marriage of young girls in some developing countries and wonder if this is part of the reason seeing prepubescent girls in wedding dresses makes me feel so uneasy.

With the eldest there were a lot of the big elaborate Communion dresses as it seemed to be who could have the biggest dress and then followed by who could have the biggest/glitziest/over the top party. Trying to find a simple dress was a nightmare so she ended up with my mum making a dress. She made hers the year before the last royal wedding and her dress was very similar to Kate's.

The middle child made hers last year and the new priest put out a letter saying all dresses had to be below the knee or longer, shoulders had to be covered, bling was out. Gloves were not optional and no parasols or extra bits. Veils if worn were to be plain or very simple. She ended up wearing my dress, which looked amazingly up to date for being 30+ years old! it was so white it looked blue.

Youngest makes his next year and its so much easier for boys.

My local Catholic school - all girl- 8 year olds - First Communicants wear a white dress which can be long , ballet length or short. A veil and cardigan / bolero is optional.
They are not allowed bags, gloves, rosary beads or parasol in church ( less fidgeting apparently)
The 12 year olds wear their school uniform for Confirmation.

DS made his First Holy Communion last year. He wore smart trousers and shirt with a red tie. The dresses worn by the girls were all white but in a variety of styles ranging from a a full on floor length number to some very simple and beautiful dresses. The girls were asked not to have gloves or bags as in the past this has led to a lot of fiddling!

DD will make her FHC in 2 years or so. She will wear a simple but elegant white dress.

I wore a white dress for mine and my school Uniform for my Confirmation.

Just had a thought....

May is the month of Mary. We always had a May procession where we crowned a statue of Mary. That was all the girls in the Parish and we all wore long white dresses and veils but they were provided by the parish. One of the older girls carried the crown on a cushion. I was desperate for my turn but we moved..... The new church didn't do it!

My DCs are in a catholic school and they've had a special party for the crowning of Mary in the last week. DS is in year 2 so they've had plenty of prep lessons for the group who will be taking their first Holy Communion.

As for what they wear, I have no idea. I will find out though because we have been invited to one next month!

As far as I know, in the past, seven was seen as the age a child knew the difference between right and wrong, and therefore ready to take the responsibility of taking the Sacrement. It went up to eight at my school the year after I made mine.

You'd all be horrified, I had a white silk dress, with a hoop - a hoop! - a veil, lace gloves and a little white handbag, for which to put my rosary beads. AND those fancy Clarks shoes with the diamonds in the sole.

I'm an atheist now, but I had a ball, and have never resented my parents for pimping me out to Our Lord, or whatever the issue is.

I grew up as a Roman Catholic in Switzerland and wore a very simple white dress for first communion (we all wore the same one, boys and girls)
For confirmation, we wore whatever we chose and I remenber wearing pink trousers and an assorted pink blazer (80's).

"How on earth can one have first communion at 7? Children cannot have faith, it's ridiculous."

I can assure you I had more faith when I made my communion (aged 6 1/2) then I do now.

Pretty sure i was in what is equivalent to Y2 when I did mine so yes around 7YO. I have since changed faith.

They don't 'need' a white dress but it is traditional. Boys often wear their school uniform but some (and its usually a cultural thing) wear white suits.

Of course some go a bit 'big fat gypsy wedding' but that's just to do with their parents. Its not a requirement.

Of course we're talking about communion here not confirmation.

Our parish is Y3, or older now.

DD wore the dress my Mum had made for me, and that my 2 sisters had also worn. She died a month before so it was very emotional, she had known DD was going to wear it.

The boys wore trousers and a shirt, and a red tie. Red ties are traditional but by no means compulsory.

DD wore a veil, but most don't.

One year, one of the girls wore a whie trouser suit and looked lovely.

Dress code for Confirmation here is 'smart', they have to be Y8 or above.

Confirmation is about affirming the choice your parents made for you when you were Baptised.

Some very high church CoE churches have First Communion - my housemate's dad is a very high church CoE priest and she had First Communion and wore a white dress.

It may have been a combined Communion and Confirmation thing though? Not sure. Most CoE churches now allow people to have Communion if they'd been baptised, it's rare for churches to insist on Confirmation first. I was baptised at 18 and had Confirmation at 21.

I always thought it looked like a mini wedding dress, too. Mind you I also find the idea of trussing yourself up like a sacrificial virgin to get married quite odd. I guess all these ritual dresses have some sort of pagan root, which may explain it.

ceres It was not faith. You had been indoctrinated from birth, most likely. A 7yo has never had their beliefs tested, has never known anything other than what they have been told, by adults they have been raised to trust. That is not faith.

I was brought up RC but didn't go to a Catholic school. Me and DB had to do Catechism at the local convent. Had my First Communion in a long white dress and veil at the age of 14 in 1987. DB was 12 and in a suit with white ribbons tied to his arms.
We had a reception type lunch at a local restaurant in their private function room upstairs and on the way in a bloke shouted across at my dad "Has that young girl just got married" My dad said "no first communion" To be fair I was wearing an elaborate dress which couldn't be worn again. I towered above the other girls who were about 8 years old and looked so cute I enjoyed sort of playing mum for a short while there Was confirmed at 17 which I wore a white blouse and long floral skirt for.

My communion was also the day before my birthday so at the reception there was a big communion cake in the middle of the table and two smaller birthday cakes either side.

My DD wore leggings and a tee-shirt at her confirmation. It seemed to be standard uniform amongst the young people.

So what about flower girl dresses OP do you feel the same about them? as they tend to look very similar to communion dresses.

Yes I wore lace gloves too.

Of course a child can have faith without being indoctrinated. My dd is 8 and does and has very much had her faith tested where she has questioned and is free to believe or not to believe and has chosen to make her communion in a few weeks.

fram - you are being very patronising.

children learn about religion from the adults around them. how else would they learn? i was not indoctrinated, whatever people like to think about irish Catholicism. the thought of any child of my mother's being 'indoctrinated' into Catholicism is actually funny.

to say that children cannot have their beliefs tested is bullshit. please don't presume to know about my life.

I'm C of E and you only need to be baptised to take communion at my church.

I don't think first communion in the Catholic church is a comformation of faith like CofE Conformation is.

It's a stage in your growing into the adult faith, with conformation occuring after lessons about 12.

CofE churches (generally) give a blessing, but not communion to unconfirmed children (and adults)

Conformation in the CofE is an expression of your individual faith, it is you taking ownership of the promises your parents and God parents made when you were babtised (christened) as a baby*. So about 14 (my very clever DH had to have permission off the Bishop to be confirmed younger than was normal in his parish).

*Clearly not everyone who joins the CofE is babtised as a baby, not all parents go to church and even if they do not all families believe in infant babtism. Consequently it's not unusual for the Bishop to baptise conformation candidates before carrying on with the confirmation service.

(My DDs aren't christened as DH believes and I'm a staunce atheist since infant school. We have always said it has to be their choice. They went to a CofE school and DD1(16) sings in the church choir, but neither has decided to be confirmed)

I was raised c of e, and confirmed around 12. A couple of years before that I was gutted that we weren't Roman Catholic like my neighbours, as I really wanted to wear a pretty dress and gloves and have a 1st Holy Communion (not quite the point!)

My church now allow communion to everyone (i presume they assume we are all baptised) regardless of whether theyve been confirmed or not.