AIBU to let this woman bother me so much (and to ask for comebacks)

[Anonynony]

This might be a bit ranty but I really need help dealing with this woman!

I volunteer every Saturday in a charity shop and for the most part I love it and get a lot from it. I'm mid twenties (because somehow I think that's relevant here) and have a nearly 3 year old and she's in her 60s.
This woman that I work with winds me up so much sometimes I feel like just walking out, it's ruining an otherwise brilliant experience for me.

For example, I've lost nearly 4st but have still got quite a bit to go but when we get new stock in, she'll hold up a lovely dress for instance and say in front of the whole shop "one day!" and similar remarks, when someone's offering biscuits etc she'll say really loudly "Oh don't offer any to Anon, she's not allowed". Yesterday a friend of hers who was in had lost a stone and a half and she called me over and told her friend to tell me how she did it, I had to listen to this woman giving me (frankly awful) weight loss tips for half an hour.

I've become very friendly with an older woman who comes in every Saturday and is a fellow book worm, when it's not busy we chat (by the way the charity shop is very over staffed so it's not like things aren't getting done) but she's bustle over and make up ridiculous things for me to do, embarrassing the lady I speak to because she makes it so clear she doesn't want us chatting.

I've been single for almost a year after coming out of a long term relationship with DDs dad and have started dating again in the last few months, just two guys in all but when I was telling them about the second guy and how on our third date we went to dinner, a waterfall and back to him house to walk his dogs she was saying Oh imagine what the neighbours thought and imagine if you were found dead everybody would be saying sure she was seeing a different fella a few weeks ago (3 dates with the previous guy too). I'm only giving specifics to get across what type of person she is, she's always making the same stupid jokes about sex and talking about "big dicks" but somehow she always finds a way to pass comment on my life. When I started there I had no life and THAT was her running joke!

I'm bringing my daughter away to Majorca in 2 days and she's made a few comments about staying about from men and because I'll have the poor child with me as if I'd dream of it!

AIBU to be so annoyed by all this? I usually get along with everyone but jeeesus she drives me mad! How do I deal with it?

As an aside, well done on losing 4 stone, :)

Maybe you could just say that you didn't feel comfortable buying cigarettes in front of your daughter. Presuming you don't smoke yourself obviously.

She reminds me of that little britain character who runs the weightloss clubs and is really nasty to everyone. Theres some great advice here and well done with the weight loss! Have a fabulous holiday and forget all about the evil cow!

I know it's hard to tell people what you think but you will feel so much better if you do. It's also one of life's skills that gets easier and easier the more you do it. I'm in my forties now and have learnt over the years that it is best to let people know if they are upsetting me. I am extremely polite about it though.
I find simply telling them in a straight forward honest manner is best. No apologies or elaboration. I would say something like. 'Can you please stop mentioning anything about my weight. I don't like it and I want you to stop'
Unfortunately, I still find things like this a bit difficult and I can blush or stumble over my words but I don't care. I feel much better for it.
I volunteer for a charity and I have met some awful people. There are often some strange dynamics among volunteers.

Please don't buy the ciggies.

Hand back the money and tell her you won't be getting her cigs.

Right I've decided I'm definitely not buying the cigs. I wanted to buy little token gifts for DDs dad's side because I haven't been able to buy them birthday presents all year and they're very good to her. My dad smokes and if I'm using the cigarette allowance in my case I'll use it for him.

I'll have to think of a really good excuse though because I did say I'd get them

Haha she's exactly like that little Britain character! She's actually never said a nice word about anyone without getting in something nasty at the same time. I can almost see her brain ticking over dying to come up with a little pop every chance she gets!

You don't need an excuse, you can just say you've changed your mind. If you really feel you want to explain say your dad has asked and you want to use your allowance for someone that has been so helpful. I'd wait until the next time she is rude and then say as you clearly aren't friends you don't feel like doing her a favour.

Sorry, I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but can you not tell your manager? I used to manage a charity shop and there's no way in hell I'd have tolerated one volunteer treating another like this. They were all expected to be able to get on and work together, much as I'd expect paid employees to do. They didn't all have to be best friends, but they were (mostly) adults or, at least, teenagers and therefore capable of forming respectful working relationships imo - if they tried.

Hand back the money saying 'Do you know, I was thinking about how you go on and on and on and on and on and on and ON about my weight loss, and how you clearly really want to help me be healthier, well I thought the least I could do is do the same for you and say no to getting you cigarettes. I've brought in a couple of pictures of diseases lungs here, I thought I'd hold them up every time you do that holding up a dress thing you do, is that ok? It's great that we can help each other!'

Oh god yes, Bruno, YES!

Awful woman. It's horrible when an otherwise enjoyable experience is spoilt like this and I'm guessing the shop isn't huge so it's hard to get away.

A couple of ideas besides leaving that I've tried with people like this.....first one is every time she says something offensive just very pointedly walk away. Give her a stern look, don't speak and walk off to do something else. No matter how thick her skin is she will feel the atmosphere and may actually "get it" without you having to have a huge argument.

Secondly, rehearse a response and use it the next time she is rude such as "Why are you SO rude to me?" or "I'm really fed up with the way you make fun of me". Don't get drawn into a big argument just repeat "you are often rude to me and I've had enough of it". You might only have to say it once, sometimes people like this get into a habit of behaving nastily and don't even realise they are doing it till someone tells them (my mil is like this with dw...she didn't stop till I started challenging her).

Thirdly, speak to your manager.

Definitely do NOT get the ciggarettes.

Actually, basically do what LadyofLangollen says!

I would echo what someone else said and not give her so much ammunition with regard to your private life. It is possible (just) that she thinks she is being helpful and encouraging. Really though, by telling her stuff about your weight and meeting blokes is giving her ammunition to use against you.

Is she the manager/paid member of staff? Go above her to the area manager and let them know why you feel you can't volunteer there anymore. If she's a fellow volunteer, have a quiet word with the manager and ask to be put on different shifts. You have the right to volunteer without feeling uncomfortable!

Don't mention the cigarettes. If she asks, just say, oh sorry I must have forgotten.

Then either swiftly change the subject or rush off to do something important in the shop OR say - well I've done you a favour really haven't I? Smoking is a much bigger killer than obesity you know Have you ever thought of giving up?

Then every single time she mentions your weight, you mention smoking in some way.