to not go to this leaving 'do'?

[Sparrowlegs248]

Someone is leaving our place of work. She was covering a colleagues maternity leave for 9 months. We don't get on. I tried very hard to help her learn the job but it seems that she refused to be helped, then got the arse when she messed up. She repeatedly ignored the fairly relaexed 'office rules' which caused a number of problems for me and my othr colleagues. Out of work we would never be friends.

I have been friendly and helpful all along, there has been no real problem between us but tbh I'm glad she is going (as are several others)

Another colleague has organised a lunch on her last day at a pretty expensive place. It is just assumed that we will all go. I am not exactly flush but would make the effort for someone I like and get on with.

So, AIBU to not go? I haven't said that I am going, its just assumed that I am.

Just say you can't afford it.
Or dental appointment?

Just say you don't fancy it. I've done it before. Why not offer to look after the office whilst they all go

Just say you don't fancy it. I've done it before. Why not offer to look after the office whilst they all go

I wouldn't go - I can't stand two faced people.
You're doing the right thing by not going, why on earth would you?!

Make an excuse but I'm pretty sure most will know the real reason you aren't going

'Relaxed office rules'?
Is that why you don't like her?

I would say "sorry can't afford it at the moment".

Ooops i appear to have posted this twice sorry!

Nosey even

I can't afford it but its on payday...

I don't like her because shes just not the sort of person I get along with. I have tried really quite hard but to no avail. I am sure she dislikes me too!

She made a big fuss about 'the rules' which resulted in them being even more relaxed. It just doesn't work and everyone gets annoyed. Just to do with office cover and caseload. We had unwritten 'rules' which worked really well,.everyone helped each other out but now no one does and its crap.

Just don't go. You've signed the card, that's enough I would say.

You have a doctors appointment at the same time as the lunch and won't be able to make it.

phone in sick that day #naughtybutnice

Just say 'No thanks' would seem to be the best option when the organiser asks you.

Take the day off??

I assume that some people are not going? Or would it be just you?

I wouldn't go if it's not someone who's important to you and you really can't afford it. In fact, might be no harm to stress the latter as it's a bit inconsiderate to book an expensive restaurant for an occasion like that. You're probably not the only one who'd find it a bit of a struggle to find the money.

(Oh dear,) I'm not going to be able to make it (,sorry). It sounds lovely, I hope you all have a good time.
The end.

Just say you can't make it and don't elaborate or justify. Don't make up fictitious excuses....you'll just look stupid when you get found out.

It depends in your relationship with the rest of the team?

If you have good friendships there, go but see it as a social lunch with those fronds and keep away from the person leaving. If not, don't go.

This isn't just a matter of not going to a leaving do, this may impact on your future working relations and that's what you need to make you decision on.

Just don't go, prior appointment - it is a bit tricky as its lunchtime so harder to make excuses but I don't know, last minute drama? or just can't afford it.

I think personally if you say you can't make it then someone else may ask why and then you could get into wrangles trying to explain.

if it were me (and in other offices) we've always gone to these things despite how we feel. In fact when I was very young (I think first or 2nd job) I made the mistake of asking "why don't you get along etc?" to someone about someone else they froze out in a team. The looks I got.

sometimes its easier to box clever and be 2 faced for a better relationship at work with the others.

The fact that it's on payday is irrelevant. If the cost is not in your budget, you can't afford it .

Second the suggestion about looking after the office. We always have to leave someone behind to answer the phones at lunchtime (there is usually plenty of volunteers, its not like they are being forced to miss the event).