to kill this cat?

[PleaseJustShootMeNow]

We have a cat flap on the front door. We have a cat flap on the back door. We even have a cat flap on the cellar door. The kitchen window was wide open. The living room window was wide open. It was so damned hot last night every window in the house was open. But at 2.00 am the only acceptable way to enter the house was through the closed balcony door, having passed the open bedroom window to get there.

I am not getting up at 2.00 am to let the sodding cat in. Cue the battle of wills. The cat was clearly trained at the Moggy School of Chinese Water Torture and at 2.30 I crack and get up to let the bastard in. Except that now he doesn't want to come in and fucks off over the side of the balcony.

So I go back to bed and just as I'm drifting back off to sleep ... 'MEOOOOOOOOOW!'. I learnt my lesson earlier so get straight up to let him in. Nope, he doesn't want to. He's just sat there with a look which says 'just checking'. Arrrrgh!

Finally I get back to sleep but am woken again by Bastard Fucking Cat sleeping on my face. Not next to my head. On my face.

I'm thinking I should get him made into a hot water bottle cover or maybe a handbag. AIBU?

Learn your place PleaseJustShootMeKnow, the cat is YOUR master, and you are the slave and patio door opener.

YABU. I used to have a book called 101 uses for a dead cat. If you could find a copy, I believe there are 99 other potential uses you need to consider before making your final decision, don't just restrict yourself to hot water bottle or handbag.

Cats are little shits in a million different ways!!

I wouldn't be without my 3 though - the lovely little sods that they are

If that weren't bad enough, the other day I came back from calling the family in for dinner only to find Sodding Cat with his head in the pan of mash having a good old nosh.

Of course you are being unreasonable OP, a cat owns you what exactly is your problem?

How can you not be grateful for being smothered, everyone knows a pair of living fur ear muffs are what is required when it is swelteringly hot.

Poor baby DS has to sleep in a room like an oven as I daren't open the windows. I just know Sod Cat is waiting and watching and waiting.

We used to have that book CrohnicallyHungry, it was brilliant!

That is funny!

YABvvvvvU - every cat knows that the 'little doors' are only for use when absolutely necessary - you were in the house (albeit asleep) so it wasn't necessary.

And you should feel grateful that the little darling decided to sleep on your head - it is his way of thanking you!

Know your place!

I'm constantly amazed the way cats are hard wired to be cats. You start off as a cat attendant thinking my cat has endearing/annoying eccentricities but they all have the same ones.

YABVU to say how lovely the weather is where you are.

Haven't you learnt yet that you are the slave, poor cat only wants to remind you who is boss.

op

What does the cat look like and where do you live? My horror of a cat is disappearing for weeks

www.amazon.co.uk/101-Uses-Dead-Simon-Bond/dp/0517545160 fab book