Following the trend: why did you stick at one DC?

[Writerwannabe83]

Me and DH always planned on having one child.

We've had the usual reactions of being on the receiving end of completely shocked facial expressions, being called selfish for denying the child siblings, being told that our child be spoilt blah, blah, blah.

Don't these people realise we make the decision to have one child for a reason and they should be mindful of that?!

I am an only child myself and bloody loved it!! . I think it's an awesome thing and your total choice you have made with your DH. There's no evidence only children are anymore spoilt than children who have a sibling(s). Nor should anyone feel sorry for us for our position. It's basically ignorance and a lack of understanding. Things are so expensive these days, people are more career-focused than ever before too which makes many couples have them older. I have medical issues and plan to adopt......yes, you guessed it-just the one!!

multiple miscarriages
termination for condition not compatible with life
my age
Couldn't face the anticipation, excitement and then overwhelming sorrow of losing another more baby

We have a gorgeous ds, but would've loved to have had at least 1 (or 3 ) more.

Oh sorry, as for my own reasons it's:

my own health

finances

concerns over over-population

needing to live in smaller accommodation

That's an interesting statistic that 47% of families are single child.

The people who have been most surprised about our decision is the older generation. I suppose they came from a time where women stayed at home, looked after the children and the DH's wage was enough to maintain the home and family. I don't think they realise that things just aren't like that anymore and that finances play a huge role in making decisions about having more than one child.

We couldn't afford childcare for two children and I couldn't give up work to be a SAHM because we couldn't survive on just my DH's wage. Makes perfect sense to me but others just don't see that.

Because it just didn't feel like we REALLY wanted another. Sometimes toyed with the idea to give DS a sibling, but decided that if we didn't really want to have another baby FOR US then that wasn't a good enough reason.

Age (was 36 when pregnant)
Neither broody nor maternal
I had a happy childhood as an only child
Life is very easy with our single DD
She's happy and has never asked for a sibling

Never felt the urge for another.

our ages (37 and 48 when DD was born)

fertility problems requiring IVF (can't face doing THAT again)

the sheer exhaustion from having a full-on (otherwise lovely!) child who was a dreadful sleeper for her first 3 years

Awful pregnancy,
Crap labour,
Became single parent on benefits,
Cant afford another,
Want a career.

Space and money, and the feeling that we would never be able to give to two the devotion we gave to one - although DW had two brothers and I one sister, that's how we felt.

And in my case the pleasure of MIL being catsbumface about it

Love my dd, but she is enough for us. A lot of people have asked me when we are having another. I am an only child and I loved it, my dh is one of three and hates it. He says he couldnt cope. For me it is because of bad pnd, money, space, and I really didnt enjoy pregnancy.
I am under 30, so plenty of time, but I feel our family is complete

I really don't get why there is an expectation to have more than one child. My DD is more than enough.

failed ivf, I couldn't have more, financial and emotional cost of multiple failed cycles too much

needed ivf to have children
lost first child late in pregnancy
second pregnancy very stressful
ivf cycle using frozen embryos didn't work and couldn't face anymore treatment
Have considered adoption but ds has severe sn and I don't think we would be considered suitable.

Dh doesn't want a second child. His reasons (that he has told me, anyway) are:

He feels that we can offer dd more if she is in an only child.
She was not an easy baby.
As a child he was bullied by his older sibling.

Our reasons;

Quality of life - we enjoy our lifestyle and travel a fair bit. Easier to do with one child.

We want to give the best to our child and felt that would be easier with just one. We both grew up poor and want to give our child the best we possibly can (private school, holidays, our time etc)

Neither of us particularly like our siblings :)

I don't think I could love another child as much as I love DC.

We do get a fair amount of negative comments but it is the right decision for us. DC is never lonely, has many friends, goes to a lot of activities and is a very happy, contented child.

Ooh ooh am I allowed to answer for DM?

It's because I came out so perfect and precious they didn't want to risk having one not so lovely as me.

I have chosen to accept this explanation for 25 years and thank you all kindly in advance for not bursting my bubble.

By accident really. I always wanted more than 1 and me and exP did plan on having more, but he buggered off when DS was 4.5, so that was the end of that plan.

I would still like more and I guess there is technically time but I'm 37 and single so it looks unlikely. TheCunkofPhilomena, people still ask me all the time whether I want any more. I find it really hard to answer!

1 age I'm 43 this year
2 miscarriage. Can't go through it again
3 got weird pregnancy condition that caused LOTS of complications and worry
4 ds never slept til he was 3 and a half
5 I'm an only and I like it
6 can't imagine having enough love for another one
7 house not big enough
8 like having holidays and nice food/clothes
Had a mad moment when I was v drunk about 18 months ago when I thought it would be good to have another. It didn't last long.

The 47% statistic is not the number of one-child families, it is the number of families with one child under 18. So includes families who will go on to have more children or families whose other children have grown up.

We talked about only having 1 so it stuck in my head.
Not broody for a 2nd
Feel my mental health would suffer with more than one

I have still saved the baby clothes though.

I always tell people that we couldn't improve on the first one !

I had PND, I was suicidal at times.
I discovered I don't like tiny babies very much.
I only discovered after I was pregnant that there was a strong likelihood of passing on my congenital hear defect.
I really like life how it is now- sleep, doing stuff with DS and DH.
I'm now 38, I always said I'd not risk it after 36.

3 mc was xh

Then divorced

2 mc with dp

Although I am 30 so there is time on my side, but finance has made us hold off trying again. I've enough savings to cover the shortfall that maternity leave entails but not enough to cover 3yrs worth of childcare

spicy that is exactly the reason I am an only too
sadly no, its because my mum said she would have another one when I went to school and then when I got there, she sid she never wanted to have to go back and do all that again.
I choose to believe the former, as the latter simply cannot be true

Great thread. Love when you realise you're not alone

I never wanted any at all.
DH insisted.
5 years of fertility treatment.
40 when ds was born.
Adore him (now 4) but relieved I have all those plausible excuses cos I just couldn't face another!

We would have had more, but I didn't get pregnant again & we didn't want intervention.