Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I Have Said Something....

26 replies

FeelLikeCrying · 22/05/2014 23:02

I have nc for this

I am disabled and recently been confined to a wheelchair which at the moment we don't know if it will be perminant or not.

I have always been on the large size and a comfort eater. Before my health deteriorated however I had managed to lose 3 stone unfortunately my effort has now stalled because of my health and ability to exercise.

Today my DP and I were shopping and whilst he was putting the shopping trolley back I overheard a conversation where adults were discussing between themselves that if I lost wait then 'obviously I wouldn't need to be in a wheelchair' and then they turned to the children that were with them and said that if they ate too many sweets that they would be fat and need a wheelchair like me.

I wanted to say something but was too upset to do so.

I shut the car door and burst into tears. When my DP got back to the car I just fobbed my state off as being due to the pain I was in (I am in constant pain) as I knew that he would have said something.

I am cross with myself for not saying something. For not explaining that I am paralysed through no fault of my own. That I am in constant pain and take a ridiculous among of medication a day.

I am also concerned that this is what people think about me when the see me out and about.

So MN am I wrong to be upset and am I wrong to not have said anything.

OP posts:
SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 22/05/2014 23:07

There was nothing unreasonable or wrong about your behaviour at all. The awful, nasty people who spoke like that about you are the only unreasonable ones in this situation.

I'm sorry that such stupid, ignorant people upset you. Brew Thanks

Wolfiefan · 22/05/2014 23:09

Not in the slightest bit wrong to be offended.
How awful. I'm not in the least surprised you felt so upset and didn't give a witty retort.
Such a shame they can't spend 24 hours as you. Seeing what your life is like. You can lose weight in the future but I bet they will always be bloody rude.

CumberCookie · 22/05/2014 23:09

Oh sweetie that's awful!

You certainly WNBU to mouth back at them and tell them what bitches they actually are. People are just awful, it sickens me. Maybe you should have a little speech prepared for if this happens again. I know its a horrible thing to think about but if you're prepared then it'll come out easier.

Really sorry this has happened to you Thanks Thanks Thanks

Janethegirl · 22/05/2014 23:10

I think you would have gained little by making a comment, but people can really be pig ignorant so I wouldn't let that upset you. You know you need to lose weight and have been successful doing that, so just take a break and be kind to yourself. Just try to keep your weight reasonably stable and long term if you lose weight, treat it as a bonus. Have some Flowers x

wheretoyougonow · 22/05/2014 23:11

I am so sorry this happened to you. Please stop worrying about whether you should have said something. They were idiots and to be honest nothing would probably change their bad attitude. Thanks

SoleSource · 22/05/2014 23:12

WTF

Why do people feel the need to make those type of comments?

Because no matter how YOU feel, you are better than they are.

Utter scum.

Thanks
Szeli · 22/05/2014 23:15

"No children, if you are a nasty person like mummy and daddy you may find yourself in a wheelchair due to somebody putting you there. Sweeties are no factor here..." Obviously not but I can understand your upset, they aren't worth it, focus on getting yourself better xx

Szeli · 22/05/2014 23:15

You're

MiscellaneousAssortment · 22/05/2014 23:16

I have so much empathy for you and what happened Flowers

I too am disabled (though not paralysed x), and I am fat. People don't realise how fucked your metabolism gets when you can't move even enough to do daily functional tasks like standing at the kitchen counter to cut up veg etc.

I hate going outside my house because I know people think this about me too. I don't meet anyone's eyes when I'm on my mobility scooter, in case I see the distain and disgust in people's eyes. I also know I'm being stupid and it's just a few ignorant people... But that few hurts.

Im sorry I can't cheer you up, except to say, they were wrong, and I know how you feel.

(I wish you'd let your DP go 'correct' their thinking... But I know why you didn't x)

CoffeeTea103 · 22/05/2014 23:19

Op so sorry to hear about this. Those people are just so stupid and pathetic. How horrible to do that right in front of you. You should have shamed them but understandably you felt so upset. Thanks

PassTheCakeitsbeenatough1 · 22/05/2014 23:20

How awful for you OP, there is no excuse for rudeness like that. They deserved to be punched for saying that. Try to focus on feeling better, ignore ignorant people like them.

FidelineandFumblin · 22/05/2014 23:23

What nasty human beings.

Theoldhag · 22/05/2014 23:29

What horrid excuses for humans they were OP, I am so sorry that they upset and hurt you Thanks, sending you hugs and please don't take to heart an ignorant fools comment.

JSG07 · 23/05/2014 00:07

I've overheard comments like this so many times. It's so horrible. I don't think any stranger should feel that it's ok to comment loudly about the physique of another. Have an opinion by all means - just keep it to yourself!!
I don't think you should have said anything though. Just shrug it off and know that they're ignorant and you know better :) x

Original poster
FeelLikeCrying · 23/05/2014 06:49

Thank you everyone for the hugs and flowers.

Feeling a bit better this morning. I guess I am angry and upset with myself as before my disabilities took over I was the type of person who would have said something back. I just hope that my confidence hasn't disappeared along with my abilities.

OP posts:
FrancesNiadova · 23/05/2014 09:08

What nasty & ignorant people. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Why should the opinion of such half-wits affect you in any way! (And repeat)

I'm now in a wheelchair, temporarily & guess what, I've put on weight because I'm not moving about, (No sh/t Sherlock!). A few years ago, whilst struggling on crutches, a girl walked into me. Her friend pulled her to 1 side & the girl announced to the group of people, "Well, I didn't know she was a spakker did I?" Nice. It really upset me at the time, but I just feel sorry for the girl now. I'm going to get better, she'll always be ignorant.

I don't know what makes people so spiteful & judgemental. Seems like they're the ones with the permanent problem to me. Please forget feeling like crying & allow yourself to go out & shine Thanks

RedRoom · 23/05/2014 09:26

How can anyone be so bloody rude? Regardless of your comfort eating, which is none of their business, lots of people in wheelchairs find it hard to stay slim because their bodies are more sedentary than usual: how can they not realise that?

Sod them and their horrible attitudes.

Nanny0gg · 23/05/2014 09:31

Thing is, you shouldn't have to explain yourself. Your situation is your business and has nothing to do with anyone else.

You could turn round and comment on their rudeness at commenting on another person, but please don't ever feel you have to explain anything about yourself.

Pumpkinpositive · 23/05/2014 09:38

I'm so sorry that happened. Ideally, you would have had a pithy retort at your fingertips to chasten them with.

However, in a situation as unpleasant and wholly unexpected as that, I think very few people would be able to respond except by way of multiple four letter words!

Thanks Thanks

CurlyBlueberry · 23/05/2014 10:14

Oh my goodness that's disgraceful!! Thanks YADNBU to be upset. As for saying something back, while I think you would not have been unreasonable to do so, neither are you unreasonable to keep quiet. It must have been hugely upsetting for you.

MrsCosmopilite · 23/05/2014 10:24

I'm sorry that these people were so rude. If I'd have been within earshot I would have definitely said something to put them in their place.

You shouldn't need to justify anything. At least you can be comforted by the fact that you're not a narrow-minded bastard like them.

tripecity · 23/05/2014 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booboostoo · 23/05/2014 10:29

What a nasty, awful thing to say! I am sorry you had to hear that OP and sorry that there are such awful people around, especially saying this kind of rubbish to children.

Hope you feel a bit better about it all, it has nothing to do with you, it is all about how vicious these people were - their nastiness, their problem. I hope things improve with your health.

Ronmione · 23/05/2014 10:37

That's horrible! I think you should say something next time.
Along the lines of your ear work fine unlike her manners

Original poster
FeelLikeCrying · 23/05/2014 12:04

Thank you all.

I will say something if anything like that happens again.

I know I need to lose weight, I 'm not in denial about that. I just am unable to do much about it at the moment.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread