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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To bet getting fed up with this mum at playgroup?

12 replies

CundtBake · 22/05/2014 17:06

DS and I attend a playgroup a few times a week that's at the end of our road. We love it there and love the people who run it who also run another playgroup we go to, and of course the fact that it's at the end of our road is a huge godsend.

Everyone generally gets on, there are a number of faces we will see regularly etc but lots of new people come too so it's not an exclusive group or anything.

A woman attends with her son and has done so for a while. There have always been obvious issues and initially I felt a bit sorry for her and tried my best to be extra friendly.

Her son is coming up to school age. He has lots of accidents (of the poo variety) which of course lots of kids do but she brings him in jeans with no pants on. Jeans that are usually too big for him and fall down to display his pooey bum. He's very boisterous and I've seen lots of parents get really pissed off when he's purposely rammed into their child for the umpteenth time. One woman in particular has taken to making sure her daughter plays away from him as he's always trying to kiss her.

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but she's clearly not very bright. I suspect there may be social services involvement which is why I was keen to be nice to her and not segregate her like everyone else seems to have done which would make things worse. But a few things are starting to piss me off and I'm feeling less and less sorry for her.

She's a smoker (as am I so no judgement for that, but I never smoke infront of DS). She will sit in the playgroup rolling her cigarettes infront of all the kids and I just think it's inappropriate. She then stands just outside the gate (where the children are playing outside) to smoke it. Technically she's allowed to do this but I just think she could either smoke before she comes, or bloody wait til she's not at a playgroup. The staff has had words with her about it but she says she's not doing anything wrong and if anyone has a problem they should talk to her face.

She disappears off to speak to people or staff etc and leaves her son to play outside unattended knowing that he has a tendency to be violent to the other children. She only tells him off (and I use this term loosely) when somebody complains to her about something he's done.

She's made a few unsavoury comments that have irritated me ie slightly racist and homophobic stuff but I realise some people are like that I can't do much about that.

It's making it less enjoyable to be there, and the atmosphere in general is tense. Given that the staff have already tried to talk to her about things I'm wondering if there's anything that can improve things? I feel like a busybody saying all this but I just think it's a shame.

AIBU and WWYD?

OP posts:
Helpys · 22/05/2014 17:10

She sounds awful. But she probably needs the playgroup more than you do. It's only for a few hours a week, so put your big girl pants on and suck it up!

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 22/05/2014 17:12

reading that, I feel so sorry for her DS.

CundtBake · 22/05/2014 17:14

Helpys you're probably right, that's a good point.

Vampyre I feel sorry for him too Sad it's heart breaking to see. He always looks so bewildered. Like he just wants some direction.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 22/05/2014 17:15

She sounds horrible, I'd just stay away from her.

It's nice that you were trying to be nice, but if you get too involved with someone that gives others clear reasons to not like her, then don't be surprised if people begin to avoid you as well.

Ewieindwie1 · 22/05/2014 17:19

Difficult situation - and I bet everyone feels the same way. Wonder how long it will last.... She must realise that her attitude makes her separate.

Keep an eye on your DC and intervene if necessary.

CoffeeTea103 · 22/05/2014 17:33

I agree stay away from her, she sounds like bad news no wonder people avoid her. Think you have to keep an eye on your dc, her DS seems like a troublesome child.

ikeaismylocal · 22/05/2014 17:35

I feel very sad for her ds. I think it's great that he gets the time at playgroup as if that is what she is like when they are out I dread to think how she is at home.

It might be worth calling social services to let them know about the no pants/poo situation, if they are already in the system it could be useful for ss to have all the information possible. Hopefully something can be done to help encourage the mum to potty train in a hygienic way.

sewingandcakes · 22/05/2014 17:39

I feel bad for her ds too. Maybe being at the play group will help him to learn some social rules if he's told not to push/hit by other adults? It must be hard and frustrating for you, but I think things for the little boy would be worse if he wasn't attending and was at home all the time.

FreeSpirit89 · 22/05/2014 17:47

YABU - you don't know what issues she may or may not have. And is the play group held a sure start center? If it is, again YABU because they are there for help and support too.

CundtBake · 22/05/2014 17:52

FreeSpirit No it's not sure start. I don't want her to stop going, I just wish she'd stop the anti social stuff as it makes it less enjoyable for everyone.

If you took your child to a playgroup (which is designed to be child friendly and a good environment for them to be in) and a parent displayed the behaviours I've described would it not bug you?

OP posts:
lunar1 · 22/05/2014 17:59

I had to stop attending a group my boys loved because a woman wouldn't stop her ds hitting mine. It got to the point where ds2 would scream as soon as they walked in. She used to say he was just playing!

ikeaismylocal · 22/05/2014 18:06

The thing is cundt it isn't about you and it isn't about your dc. Her ds has to live with her 24 hours a day for the rest of his childhood, you and your dc have to put up with her for a couple of hours a week in a group situation, the playgroup is probably a rare break and at least the mum is engaging with other people so at least someone has half an eye on this little boy.

The smoking would anoying me, I'd probably take my child inside when she smoked but your child will be getting the chemicals from the cigarettes you smoke from your clothes, breath and hair so passive smoking a couple of cigarettes a week in an outside environment probably isn't going to do more damage than your smoking.

I don't see how her ds being left alone is effecting you or your child.

The kissing and roughness is not great but your child has you to step in and remove them from the situation. In a very short time the disruptive boy will be in a class full of kids with only a couple of adults to supervise.

I think the people who run the playgroup need to address the poo issue, they need to say to the mum that she needs to bring spare clothing and if she has no clothing she needs to go home right away.

The racist homophobic opinions are vile but she really isn't the only person to hold these opinions.

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