to put DS in full time nursery even though I don't work or need to?

[WonderingAllowed]

DS is 3 and will start school in September.

I have had him in full time nursery while I was studying. That has now finished. I can afford to keep him in there full time for the next two months until I take him out of nursery for good at the end of July. We will be away as a family for the whole of August.

The reason I want to keep him in there is that I suffer terribly from OCD and panic attacks. I really feel like I am going to drop dead or go crazy so I hate being alone with DS. I figure he is better off at nursery as opposed to being at home with his crazy mummy! I also have no friends or family around so am very isolated during the day until DH and the other DC get home.

I had planned to cur down his hours and spend days with just me and DS having picnics, going to the park and doing crafty shit at home but he was at home with me yesterday and I spent the whole day feeling like I was going to faint. I wanted to spend some quality time with him before he starts school but I don't feel that he is safe when he is with just me due to my OCD. I know rationally he is probably safer with me than anyone else but it is hard to convince myself like this when my OCD kicks off.

I feel like shit putting him in nursery though, while I am at home sitting on my arse. AIBU?

Your son will be fine with nursery, especially if he's already happy there.

I'm a bit worried for you though - it can't be good for any part of your life for you to be this stressed, and it is likely to get worse if not addressed.

OCD doesn't have to be a life sentence. The help you've had in the past may have worked then but not been enough or right for now, or maybe it was not right for you in the first place. If you go along to your GP or even better to a specialist they will not be shocked or surprised at your concerns and most importantly they will not think you are a bad parent or take any steps to have your children taken away (my brother didn't get help for far too long because of his fears around this, as his OCD fear was about him actually harming his family - which he would never do - and the psych and counsellor he saw understood this).

yanbu i did this with my dcs-if you are suffering mh probs its harder

You are doing what you feel is best for both you and your son.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that op.

Hope you are getting professional help. Anxiety issues are just horrible. Best of luck.

I'd keep him in nursery if he is happy and settled there, and use the time to work on your OCD.

I would if we could afford it. Ds1 loves nursery, he loves being there and has really flourished.

Sounds like a perfectly valid reason to keep him in nursery to me. If you are goign to have all of August off and away though, that sounds like it could be quite stressful. Maybe speak to your therapist about what you could do over the next two months to adjust yourself to spending all day with all your children?

this isnt suppose to sound rude but it sounds like you have mental health problems rather than OCD (you may well have that also) op,are you under a mental health team ?

how did you manage when your dc's were baby's?

Is this something that will get better the older your son gets because you will be less worried about what could go wrong? Does he enjoy nursery? l'd persevere with trying to get help, as although it sounds like it would be fine to continue with nursery, there may come a time in future when he will start to notice that you avoid being alone with him. I know with my daughter's phobia we were told that if you always avoid the thing you fear it reinforces in your mind that there is something to fear, so it doesn't help you to get better. They usually advise with phobias to gradually build up to facing the thing you fear, so they'd probably advise you to pick up early once a week, then twice etc. Or to have mum and son one to one at the weekend if that's not possible.

theywillgrowup OCD is a mental health problem! It is an anxiety disorder. I been through the mental health system, seen numerous psychiatrists (different one at every appointment at local NHS mental health unit!) and had years of counselling. I know why I have this disorder - my mind has just been so overloaded with stress and trauma that it has gone a bit loopy . This goes back to my childhood.

I was diagnosed with it and PTSD just over 4 years ago at around the time I got pregnant with DS. Older 3 DC were all school age then and I coped fine, worked in a professional job etc, until the panic attacks started and I thought I was going mad. Been terrible since I had DS mostly due to the isolation making my mind go into overdrive. I hope when he goes to school and I get back into work (so less isolated), I will get better.

Losing my 2nd child at birth, and my oldest almost dying due to an undiagnosed illness shortly afterwards, did not help. My DS1 also had a period of having febrile convulsions mainly during the night. My mind is constantly on the lookout for any danger to my DC, sadly that includes the thought that I might be a danger to them. Rationally I know it is ridiculous but that does not help with the fear and the dread of being alone with them. It is an utter nightmare and I hope one day I can look back and laugh about what a silly bitch I was!

I don't avoid being my DC. I have to be as DH works long hours and weekends.

I don't avoid being with my DC.

I wouldn't, but that is me.

I am not living your life or experiencing what you live with daily.

It sounds like he is better off in nursery, I don't mean that in an unkind way.

Avoidance, although usually the most comfortable option is just a delaying tactic. Personally, I think you should face it. It will get easier every day.

However, you need to be ready for the fight.. and full time nursery will not do your son any harm if you chose this route.

I wish you well x

(I have PTSD, Panic disorder, Health Anxiety and agoraphobia)