Last July dh had an online affair. He had previously not known her. Through an internet site they created secret accounts and then emailed and sexted for two weeks. We then went on vacation and dh was 'hoping' she wouldn't contact him but she did when we returned.
One night at 10:30 at night he had to 'go out and get gasoline' I was asleep in the couch so only half heard him. A few minutes later I woke up and started to get nervous as gasoline is only 5-6 minutes away. Texted him and he said he was on way back. Arrived home in less than 35 minutes.
Next night he confesses to whole thing. Our sex life was never great and he made massive mistake meeting her but said he got in her car, they touched a bit and he had huge guilt rush and left car. Told her he loved me and ds and cut all ties. No sex took place.
Went for couple and individual counseling for a few months. He changed phone number, gave me all passwords, apologized for days profusely, doesn't care if I check his texts, basically did everything he could ever do to make things right.
After a month I told him I forgave him. We made a pact, no porn alone or together. He couldn't do anything more if he tried. For the first 4 or 5 months it was almost like second honeymoon. Great sex. Lots of affection and intimacy. Honeymoon has worn off but I feel we have grown and are still 'good '
BUT now almost a year later I am nervous all the time. I am very cynical of men in general. Again mine was one that would 'never ' do this. I feel very resentful, sad, etc. Not all the time, but it's growing more than it did. I don't feel depressed but sort of waiting for other shoe to fall.
Am I being unreasonable to think this might be PTSD? And do I tell him? What would you do, single therapy again? Thanks. Oh, married 14 years.