CM's dc hitting my DD - WWYD?

[whatwouldMNadvise]

not strictly an aibu, but need quick advice.

My lovely CM looks after my DD a few times a week. Her DS is similar in age to my DD (just turned 2), and he has become quite aggressive over the last 6 months or so (hitting, shouting etc). CM has tried to deal with it as best she can, reinforcing no we don't hit, thinking step, removal of privileges etc. She has been open and honest about each time her DS has hit my DD, and has always been very apologetic. She tries to stay close to DD at all times to minimise these situations, but can't always be there in time.

Today she told me her DS bit my DD on the arm. DD cried at the time but was ok after a cuddle.

We are moving to a new CM in September for various reasons, so this won't be a problem for much longer, but is there anything we both can do in the interim? < although resolving myself to the sad inevitability>

Doubt it. Sounds like CM is trying to handle the situation but these things happen. In 6 months time it might be your DD doing the biting if she goes through this phase

Do whatever you would do if the situation was reversed. Which may well be nothing, because everything possible is being done.

So is it something I should accept is normal toddler behaviour then, and accept it might happen again?

I don't know what I'd do if the situation were reversed I'd understand however the other parent felt I suppose.

I'd like to keep DD with the CM until September if possible; I wondered if there were any other solutions the wisdom of MN could offer

When there's a child biting your child during childcare, it's very difficult because you're not there.

I'd tell CM that you're not happy but I would trust that she is doing all she can to prevent it - it won't be good for business if her child is hurting her charges!

I would ask her to keep a log of the bites as it may help her to draw correlation between activities/time of day etc to prevent in the future. It also helps you keep track as occasional can soon become frequent.

Unfortunately, biting is a phase that some toddlers go through. Let's just hope it doesn't happen with yours.

Has she indentified what type of biting it is. This is just one of the many classifications of biting. My daughter was a frustrated biter who bite due to an inability to communicate her feelings. This help nursery staff to identify when the behaviour most likely to occur.
My DD was both a biter and earlier the bitten. The sadness I had when she bite other children was 10 times greater than when she was bitten.

It could happen just as easily in a nursery and I do think that while she IS trying her best, if she only has her DS and your DD present in the day then it IS avoidable.

In a busy nursery it could be more common but this often? Also, why can';t she be present all the time? Obviously she must prep food...so then she takes one child with her and leaves the other engaged in something they enjoy....then she must go to the bathroom....but in that case in her shoes, I would place on child in a playpen or behind a safety gate. She should try harder.

Thanks all. I think the CM was there with them, but the bite happened in a split second and she couldn't stop it in time. She keeps very careful logs, photos etc, so it's not her care that I'm worried about.

But yes this stage can happen to any toddler, I hope DD doesn't start copying though. She did go through a hitting stage shortly after CM's DS started doing it

Unfortunately there is no magic cure to small children hurting each other that I'm aware of. Usually they grow out of it with consistency from the adult carers.

Although I am slightly surprised that it isn't possible for the CM to intervene before contact actually happens, unless she isn't as close to them as you seem to think. Or are there more children in her care than the two you've mentioned?

Having been on both sides of it, I agree with Lonecat that it felt worse for DS to be the biter than the bitten.