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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if sainsburys should have done anything about this woman?

63 replies

CundtBake · 20/05/2014 17:04

I was picking up a few bits in my local sainsburys yesterday, and as I went to pay I noticed a woman was quite distressed at the customer service desk (which is next to the self service tills)

I overheard a member of staff ringing someone saying the woman couldn't find her child. It seemed as if the woman was just very panicky but it quickly became obvious she was also quite drunk (this was half 3 in the afternoon).

As soon as the man had come off the phone she spotted her child and charged through a queue of people and started walloping him. And I mean really aggressively, running around with her hands raised hitting him all over his face and body shouting at him. There was a kind of synchronised gaps from everyone that saw as she marched him out of the shop still going.

The child was in a primary school uniform so id guess he was around 10 years old. Now I only have a toddler and I admit I don't know the official laws on smacking but it's not something I'd ever do. I can understand the frustration mixed with relief she must have felt but her reaction was so extreme.

When id paid for my shopping (and I had been scanning and packing the whole time, I wasn't just standing there gawping!) I went over to the member of staff and asked if perhaps he should report it to someone, after all they'd have it on CCTV etc. he said he wasn't sure and he'd find out but it would probably be best to just leave it.

Everyone else in the shop that saw it seemed shocked and there were a few comments of 'child abuse' and things like that but they were followed by little (perhaps shocked) laughs so I genuinely don't know if i overreacted by thinking something should be done.

Aibu?

OP posts:
KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 20/05/2014 17:07

Someone should've dialled 999.

Assault is assault.

If she'd done that to a fellow customer there'd be outrage.

Why don't people realise that children feel pain the same as adults?

:(

ouryve · 20/05/2014 17:07

YANBU. It might be worth you calling the non-emergency police number to report what you witnessed.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/05/2014 17:08

Why did YOU do nothing

CundtBake · 20/05/2014 17:08

Synchronised gasp*

OP posts:
CundtBake · 20/05/2014 17:09

As I said in the OP needs, I genuinely don't know the laws on hitting your kids etc and everybody else didn't seem to take it as seriously. Including the member of staff.

OP posts:
JToTheCToTheCrisTotheT · 20/05/2014 17:10

What Oursaid...if you can describe the uniform to them, that'll narrow it down a bit.

HappyAgainOneDay · 20/05/2014 17:10

I expect that poor boy felt humiliated in front of lots of people.

Doinmummy · 20/05/2014 17:11

If it was caught on CCTV the school uniform might be undentifiable and it could be followed up by police /SS that way . I would not be able to let this go, if people 'interfered' more there might be less awful abuse cases around.

gordyslovesheep · 20/05/2014 17:14

she wasn't hitting him ...she was drunk and repeatedly lashing out at him - that's not discipline it's abuse

FreeSpirit89 · 20/05/2014 17:16

Ring the police, identify the store it was in, and let the police handle it.

Maybe worth contacting social services too, and making a report too.

It takes a lot for someone to stand up to a stranger in this day and age, you don't know what they were carrying. But report it now.

CundtBake · 20/05/2014 17:17

I agree people should interfere more in things like this. I really didn't feel confident in my feelings as everyone else seemed to brush it off. Cowardly of me perhaps I know.

Just to clear things up for me can anyone tell me the actual laws on hitting children?

I'm wondering if I should go back and speak to the staff to see if they've done anything, I pop in there regularly for milk etc. or just call 101 myself?

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 20/05/2014 17:18

I don't know about the law but NOONE should hit ANYONE full stop.

HowYaLikeThemApples · 20/05/2014 17:20

If that's how she reacts in public, I dread to think what happens behind closed doors. Please, please report what happened OP.

CundtBake · 20/05/2014 17:20

Well yes of course I agree Doin but my point is, if it's legal to smack children, that could perhaps be why people think it's not worth reporting. Because then maybe it can be hard to distinguish the line between smacking and what is classed as abuse (by the law).

OP posts:
Electriclaundryland · 20/05/2014 17:22

Tell the police on the non emergency number and let them decide what to do. Poor kid!

Doinmummy · 20/05/2014 17:23

And I mean really aggressively, running around with her hands raised hitting him all over his face and body shouting at him

Even if you do condone smacking, what you witnessed was not just a smack , it was a sustained attack .

MissMarplesBloomers · 20/05/2014 17:25

I would report her as she was clearly drunk at 3.30 in the afternoon, in charge of a child who she repeatedly assaulted.

She may be struggling at home and in need of some SS support, she may be the mother from hell &as HowYa said doing worse at home out of sight.

The police can ask to see the CCTV footage & possibly ask the school to identify the child, if they don't know the family already.

Might sound drastic but this could be one in many incidents & help make up a bigger picture for the authorities.

RiverTam · 20/05/2014 17:27

but it's not just the hitting - it's the fact that she was drunk in charge of a child.

I would report it yourself (better late than never) and the police (or whoever it would be) can speak to Sainsbury's and look at the CCTV. It may well be that they are known to the police or social services anyway.

Doinmummy · 20/05/2014 17:28

Please report this op. The fact that there was an audible gasp from witnesses would suggest this was not reasonable chastisement .

Surely better to err on the side of caution.

Maybe ask yourself if you would treat your child like this?

Caitlin17 · 20/05/2014 17:29

I think your query

"Just to clear things up for me can anyone tell me the actual laws on hitting children?"

just shows how ridiculous it is in the UK that it is permitted to hit children. You don't need to know the actual laws on hitting women/men/old people or even dogs for that matter.

Doinmummy · 20/05/2014 17:31

You asked if you were over reacting by thinking something should be done about this. The answer is 'no' you are not over reacting, therefore something does need to be done.

harriet247 · 20/05/2014 17:34

Im pretty sure you cant smack in wales if that helps. I think in England its okay as long as you dont leave a mark or use an object that is not your hand :(
Fwiw I think it is never ever ever okay.
Deffo report.

handcream · 20/05/2014 17:35

What an awful thing to witness. slightly different but last year there was a man selling the Big Issue with a lovely dog beside him curled up. A drunk man walked past him and then started hiting this poor dog.

I dont know what came over me but I caught hold of this man's arm and suddenly found myself with this man's arm in mid air. I then screamed at a couple of young men to help me and they did.

TBH - it was the reaction of the older generation that really surprised me. Not one of them who were watching all of this did anything apart from a few tuts.

handcream · 20/05/2014 17:38

FWIW - I would do it again - whether its a a child or a dog. If we just stand by and let this sort of thing happen - shame on us.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/05/2014 17:39

www.childrenslegalcentre.com/userfiles/Smacking.pdf

What you have described is likely to be unlawful.

But not knowing the law is no excuse for a lack of action. You know what you saw you had just as much of a responsibility to call the police as everybody else in the shop did.