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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that mothers should spend mothers day with their children?

25 replies

ikeaismylocal · 19/05/2014 20:39

On Sunday it is mothers day in the country we live in. I have a 1 year old and I'm pregnant.

Dp mentioned he'd booked something, I said oh lovely it will be so nice to do something special as a family, dp said no it's just me and you, ds will be looked after by a family member.

I'm upset at the thought of not spending the day with my son, the booked thing ( which I am guessing is a lunch) is in the middle of the day so we won't be able to have a day out. Whatever dp has booked has a no children under 8 rule so we can't take ds.

Aibu to think mothers day is a day to spend time with your children?

Dp is really pleased with his plans and doesn't want to change them.

OP posts:

Jinsei · 19/05/2014 20:43

Yanbu at all. I would hate this, but he probably thought it would be a nice break for you, and I guess your ds is too young to know the difference.

Have you told him that you're upset and is he refusing to change plans in spite of this, or does he just not realise how you feel?

JonSnowsPout · 19/05/2014 20:46

Yabu

Mothers/fathers day to us means a kid free day doing whatever we choose and we come home to dinner cooked by the other.

Nothing says I love and appreciate you mummy then leaving me in peace for a day

TheFairyCaravan · 19/05/2014 20:47

I spent Mothers day on holiday with DH, my DC were home alone.

I'm of the view that certain days, eg Mothers day, Fathers Day, can be moved to another day to suit the family if necessary.

missknows · 19/05/2014 20:48

Yabu because mother's day and father's day are stupid

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2014 20:48

YABU because you're talking about a 1 year old baby.

If he can't be with his own mother, then your DP was very thoughtful to think of taking you out on the day instead.

Just enjoy and don't over think it

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/05/2014 20:49

Depends on what you like. I had a family day for Canadian Mother's Day with the spa booked for the next weekend. If you have spent every day for the last 3 years with your child, a day off might be nice. If you want to spend more time with them, a day with them is nice. I think when DD has left home I will want to spend the day with her.

Kewcumber · 19/05/2014 20:49

It isn;t odd to want to spend mothers day with your child, it isn;t relaly odd to want a day off.

What is odd is your DH deciding how he wants to spend it and expecting you to fall in with his plans?

Mintyy · 19/05/2014 20:51

I honestly think you are being a bit pfb about this .

Lots of mothers of one year olds would view having a lunch without their dear offspring as an absolute treat and the height of luxury (exactly what Mothers Day should be), believe me.

StrawberryMojito · 19/05/2014 20:53

I get what you mean but as your child is so little and won't have a clue, I'd just go along with it and enjoy it. Plenty of time to enjoy time dc before and after lunch.

Original poster

ikeaismylocal · 19/05/2014 20:55

He is reluctantly going to un-book the table, it really was a lovely idea but I would much prefer to go somewhere fun with ds. Ds has started nursery recently and I love taking him out at the weekends, it's such fun watching him experiencing new things.

I have suggested doing dp's idea for my birthday which is a "big" one and there won't be any wild partying due to the bump!

OP posts:

queenofthepirates · 19/05/2014 20:56

Just you wait.... I spent this mother's day in the UK alone in a luxury hotel with complete control of the remote-bliss

ICanSeeTheSun · 19/05/2014 20:58

Yanbu to want this for yourself and I agree with you, but not every mother wants this.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/05/2014 21:02

So...are you and dp going to invite your mums along too?

Mintyy · 19/05/2014 21:02

How much time do you spend with your ds normally? My opinion may be clouded because I was sole/main carer. If you don't spend a lot of time with him then of course I can understand why you would want to on Mothers Day.

MammaTJ · 19/05/2014 21:08

YABU, he was very thoughtful in arranging this. Have a bit of gratitude.

My worst ever MD was when my DD1 had gone to her Dads for the weekend. I was at home with DD2, DS and DP. My neighbour, who had long been giving us problems, started throwing things at my living room window, trying to smash it. When I say things, I meant a large round metal BBQ, a back of a wardrobe, drawers and many other bits of wood. She was determined.

DS was in bed, DD2 about to go to bed, but too terrified. I had to phone DD1 and tell her to stay at her Dads, as she had a safe place to stay rather than coming home to chaos. The only thing that calmed DD2 down was being allowed to see the lovely police take the nasty lady away. I didn't even see DD1 until the next evening.

I would never have objected to lunch away from them though.

QuizzicalCat · 19/05/2014 21:11

Should?!

There is no 'should', it's an individual choice.

Original poster

ikeaismylocal · 19/05/2014 21:17

I'm sorry for my wording should, I didn't mean to say that all mother's should.

Ds is in nursery for about 20-25 hours a week although this will get less as of next week and he will be at home with me for 9 weeks over the summer. I think I'm aware that soon we will have 2 small children to look after so days out just concentrating on ds will be rare or non-existant.

Alis I would love to spend mothers day with our mums but unfortunately my mum is in another country and dp's mum lives 1000km away. I did send my mum a lovely present and a card from me and a grandma card from ds when it was UK mothers day.

OP posts:

HamAndPlaques · 19/05/2014 21:18

YANBU to want to spend the day with your child

YABU to expect that this is a universally held desire and expect your DH to know it psychically if you haven't told him.

I appreciate that MD is 'your' day but please book a table for another day. It rather sounds like he would like to have a child-free lunch with you in this window of opportunity before your DC2 arrives.

PrincessBabyCat · 19/05/2014 21:19

At one year old he's not going to understand it anyway, just enjoy the day out. :)

That said, I spent my first mother's day last weekend as a family where I got light baby duty and DH did all the maintenance (dirty diapers, bath, etc). His father's day will be much the same.

The point of mother's day in our family is for the kids to take care of the mother and do something special for her like breakfast in bed and taking her out for the day. But since DS is only 1 he can't really do something like that so it falls to DH to make up for it. I think it's fine to be honest.

But if you want to spend the day as a family, make it known. Maybe do a make up family day so that DH doesn't have to cancel plans he made for you.

WooWooOwl · 19/05/2014 21:20

YANBU, but with a one year old I'd try to avoid pissing on DHs parade and would go along with it. He was clearly trying to do a nice thing for you, and if you're going to do the thing he booked another day anyway, it's not going to make much difference what day you do it on.

TheScience · 19/05/2014 21:21

Neither of you are being unreasonable as some mothers would want to spend the day with their children, some would appreciate a day off more.

However, now your DP knows you would rather spend the with your DS he is BVU to insist on his plans - hardly your special day if you have to do what daddy wants, is it?

purplemurple1 · 19/05/2014 21:22

I'm in the same country, just found out indeed to travel for work on Sunday - missing my first mother's day!

It's a bit shit I think it would be better to be together as a family.

TiredFeet · 19/05/2014 21:26

Yanbu to want to spend the day with your son. I work (part time) and always choose to spend mothers day, my birthday etc doing something fun with my little ones

However, it would be equally understandable to use the day as an occassion to be pampered/child free as many people do, and I think your dh meant well

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 19/05/2014 21:35

Both are reasonable, we don't do anything special for Mother's Day but I do like to spend weekends with the DCs generally and wouldn't really want to go out for Sunday lunch without them. Evenings are a bit different as they are in bed. However I totally get why some would want child-free time as a treat, I get a lot of it during the week so don't feel the need.

Original poster

ikeaismylocal · 20/05/2014 08:36

Purple sorry to hear you have to travel, that is shit :( maybe you can celebrate on Saturday.

We have come to a compromise, we have the 20 week scan next week, dp has taken the day off work, we planned to dash home, pick ds up from nursery and do something as a family but we are going to leave ds in nursery and go for lunch and possibly a cycle around Stockholm which is beautiful in the spring. Thursday is a bank holiday anyway so we'll have a family day then.

Sunday ( mothers day) hopefully the weather will be nice and we and we can go to the archipelago with a picnic ( which will be hugely less stressful than trying to keep ds entertained in a restaurant!)

OP posts:

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