Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To sell the xbox?

22 replies

Obliviated · 19/05/2014 18:25

Because I think it is the root of all our problems!

I have 4DC and my eldest is 12. The last few months he has really changed and gotten quite unpleasant most of the time. I feel sad saying that but it's true - everything is becoming a constant battle. He's got lazy - won't clean his room (which is beyond bad), answers back, slams doors, alternates between getting tearful because life is so unfair (as obviously his friends have so much more than him - he has an xbox, a laptop, Virgin TV package, my old iPhone etc) and angry about how I'm a liar and he hates me (because I say we MIGHT do something later vas our plans change etc)

I just asked him to watch him younger brothers for 10 minutes whilst I sorted some washing, it took him ages and repeatedly being asked to pause the damn xbox, then he kept yelling 'muuuum hurry up' as I was hanging the washing out. All to get back to his game. As soon as he gets in from school he's on it, first thing in the morning he's on it.

He's been complaining of headaches and the optician has said he needs glasses for reading and screen time, they arrive next week. He's moaning at the moment that his head hurts because his brothers annoyed him apparently, so I told him to turn the Xbox off. Which he is ignoring. I am about to go and switch the plug off which will lead to shouting, crying and flouncing around.

In tempted to just sell the damn thing.

Are all 12 year olds like this? Is this my life for the next 8 years?

OP posts:

50KnockingonabiT · 19/05/2014 18:34

Sounds pretty normal for a twelve year old tbh.

You could maybe limit the time he's allowed to use it? I think first thing in the morning would be a no no for me.

Selling it would be a bit mean, then I'm obviously a push over:)

maras2 · 19/05/2014 18:38

Do you really need to ask ? You parent Him kid .FGS.

ExCinnamon · 19/05/2014 18:43

That's why we will never get one. Hate them.

Our teens have a laptop with curfew and time limits. We also have a Wii where we play Fifa and Mario Stuff. But only at weekends.

I have been at houses where the teenage dc were playing 18 rated stuff while 5 yo were running around. Awful.

I would sell it. Your son will probably hate you but he will get over it.

SmashleyHop · 19/05/2014 18:43

My son will be 12 later this year. Electronics got to be a real issue for him as well. He used to stay up all night in secret playing on ipad/phone/DS/xbox... So we took everything out. He has to earn his screen time in the morning and early afternoon in order to play in the evenings and weekends. Getting up on time and getting ready for school with no fuss earns time. Behaving well in school earns time- homework completion and chores earn time. If he misbehaves then he loses it. Life has become so much easier now that he knows what to expect instead of me having to wrestle him off it to do anything.

NeitherTheChimeNorThePlace · 19/05/2014 18:45

My 12 yo is banned from the xbox indefinitely. It's not his, it's his brothers. 3 weeks ago he threw the controller at the tv and broke the telly because he was getting beat on FIFA. I had just bought the tv from catalogue and hadn't even made the first payment on it.

He is mostly like you describe your 12 yo as being but I think it's just an age thing as he didnt play on it much anyway. He's a great kid but his temper is terrible just now. He is very sensitive too, can't even look at him sometimes and he goes in a strop!

aprilanne · 19/05/2014 18:45

I would just limit his time .selling the xbox is really harsh to be honest

parentalunit · 19/05/2014 18:45

Incorporate it into behaviour training, extra minutes for chores done, dock time for things not done etc. There are some good things on it, like the fitness games. It can be good :)

YouTheCat · 19/05/2014 18:50

Don't have a confrontation about it.

Take away the leads/controllers when he is at school and then (when he has calmed down at the injustice) have a chat about limiting time and recognising if he is getting too wound up/involved.

SuperSophie · 19/05/2014 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

rookiemater · 19/05/2014 18:53

You can time limit the x-box on a daily basis. DS can lose time if he is bad, or get extra time at the weekend if he is good.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/05/2014 18:58

Dont sell it, but use it as a tool for things - no Xbox before school unless he has dressed, had breakfast and has brushed his teeth. If he uses it to delay you getting out if the door uer looses Xbox time after school.

After school - homework, tea and a chore of your choice then Xbox til a pre agreed time. Refusal or delay at bedtime results in him losing it the following morning.

gamerchick · 19/05/2014 19:03

Unplug he machine and take it. You don't need to unplug the wires and make him earn it back.

Take it last thing at night and let him have it after he's done his room for a few hours each night. If he strops then he loses it for longer.

Stand your ground.. he's just a kid who needs bringing back into line.. it'll be worth the initial stage if hell until he gets on the beam.

Original poster

Obliviated · 19/05/2014 19:22

Thank you for all the advice, looks like limiting time and enforcing it by removing bits of it is the way to go. It's my own fault really, I am on my own with 4 DC and usually have my hands full with my toddlers so don't notice the amount if time he's spending on it. I know his homework must be suffering as I haven't seen him do any for a while (although he must be doing it as the school haven't complained). He leaves for school at 7am so gets up at 5am to leave time to dawdle, play his game (mine craft) and get to school for half 7.

He did eventually turn the xbox off and is now on the laptop watching minecraft videos with his brothers.

I would be happier if he got his room sorted, but I send him to do it and he starts playing in one of his consoles or something instead. What I really need to finis supervise him doing it but I would have to take the toddlers up with me and they would start eating Lego or something. My 10'year old is just as bad except with him it's books. I think I've been to sift on them to try and make up for me being over stretched attention wise. They do no chores at all. If I ask them to wash up or something it's like the end of the world! But on the other hand, they will watch ds4 now whilst I put ds3 to bed so they do make up for it in other ways.

OP posts:

Aradia · 19/05/2014 19:26

No don't sell it, it's your leverage! If he is arsey, doesn't do as you've asked within a reasonable amount of time etc, he loses it until he does as he's told. DD is the same with her laptop and it's the only sanctions that work!

parentalunit · 19/05/2014 19:32

4 DCs...kudos to you. All the more reason to keep it!! for you.

You can automatically set time limits betanews.com/2007/11/07/new-parental-controls-limit-xbox-time/

rookiemater · 19/05/2014 20:23

He could well be very tired as well as generally just being a computer addicted pre-teen. 5am for the computer is a bit keen ! I'd really cut it back say to 1.5 hrs then let him earn an extra 30 mins if he is good. DH has ours set up so DS can only play it at certain times as well - but I think that's separate to the X box.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/05/2014 22:27

Picking your battles is always wise - as long as theres no dirty crockery in his bedroom and he regularly brigs you a laundry basket of clothes, id not stress at him tk tidy it. Its his space to live in, and if he cant find something or breaks it, due to the mess, then its gone and he has to face the consequences.

All the angst and shouting cant make for a nice time for you so maybe just pick out things of significance: homework, attitude, getting enough sleep. Then target those things.

I read a helpful quoye somewhere

"Dont sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff"

littledrummergirl · 19/05/2014 22:34

Xbox has a time limit in family settings. I discussed this with dc2(12)yesterday and this morning. I asked what he thought a fair limit would be and he said one hour. I was thinking two so a result.
I also told ds1(13) that I would not remove his xbox, just the controller.
He is better at regulating his time though.

Patilla · 20/05/2014 00:38

I would allow it but start from a position that he earns a certain amount of access (with an upper limit) rather than having a general entitlement and losing it if he is bad.

That way you are portraying it as a treat to be balanced as part of the rest of his life (using the healthy diet analogy) rather than a way of life that he is entitled to.

PrincessBabyCat · 20/05/2014 03:43

There's no reason it can't be used in moderation and with good behavior.

My parents never let us have any screen time until our homework and chores were finished.

It does sound like typical 12 year old attitude, but that doesn't mean you should let him get away with it either.

Eastpoint · 20/05/2014 07:15

We have the rule all homework, music practice etc and 30 mins reading before electronic entertainment. Causes ructions but reading is v important & the opposite to flashing screens.

TheFuzz · 20/05/2014 09:18

Fairly typical teenage lad. We try with rules - no IT kit in the mornings at all (still tried to sneek on stuff) and only in the evening when jobs/homework done.

Doesn't always work, and the getting them off usually ends up with 30 minutes notice, then 15, now time up and then a rage from said son.

Its difficult as they know their friends are allowed to play on Xbox and computers for hours.

They don't half get ratty though, and can't connect that it's just a game, and pressing escape on the computer means you can SAVE where you are up to. Even mid level, is it such a big issue to play part of it again ?

They think you were born yesterday. Our friends have a BT package for internet (think it's fibre) but they can set time restrictions for each and every device that connects to the router - it will even identify individual phones and the Xbox. Unfortunately, our router can't do that.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread