to feel sorry for the boy....teenage love

[macdoodle]

My DD1 is 12 (13 in Sept) so year 7. I know I'm biased but she's pretty special, very beautiful and mature and sensible. She looks and behaves much older.
She has got friendly with a boy in her school, and last week she came home with a hickey.......we had a ling chat. I am no dragon and I know experimentation is normal at this age.
Anyway turns out the boy is 15(16 in Sept) in year 10. I explained why I wasn't happy and how at this age, this kind of age difference is just not appropriate. And whilst my priority is her, it puts him at risk of accusations as well.
So today she ended it with him, and after school he asked to come and speak to me. He is a lovely, charming well spoken young man, who is clearly besotted with DD. He was very respectful. I explained the same to them together and told them they could be friends but nothing more at this age.
He said he understood and appreciated me talking to him.
DD is fine but says he cried when she walked him to the train. I absolutely no I am right, but can't help feel sorry for him. I remember being a teenager in love. Should I be all crazy mamma bear?

Yes, you should. Your DD is 12, so no option really. Don't give them the scintilla of a suggestion you might backtrack.

You sound like a great mum.

Yanbu to feel sorry for him but they are in the same school, you can't stop them going out with each other. They could hide it if they want to.

Yes I know that, have to trust in my DD and the fact he came to speak to me makes me hopeful.

That's a MASSIVE age difference at that age - you absolutely did the right thing.

Out of interest, how did he manage to find you?

Do you work at the school?

Completely on your side. They both sound lovely though, would be nice if they stayed friends.

12 is for first kisses, 15/16 are at the age where sex gets to be on the table. It's just too wide a gap at this age.

He didnt find me DD1 brought him home to talk to me.

I think I was 12 when I asked my dad if I could have a boyfriend... My dad wasn't happy, shotgun at the ready. The boy was 15. I think we "went out" for about two weeks and kissed twice at youth club . However.... A 13yo friend went on a school trip and got off with an older boy who gave her a massive love bite. The teacher gave her this whole big lecture on how if he was doing that, it meant that he wanted sex...

I think you are doing the right thing. If he genuinely loves her then he will respect your wishes and be friends until she is older, by which time she will probably have outgrown him anyway. Of course you can't stop them seeing each other at school but hopefully if you handle this right, your DD will trust you enough to talk to you about anything that changes.

A lad I went to school with fell for a girl in year 7. We were year 10 at the time. Iirc he has the same chat with her parents (although I think it was more of a 'being held by the collar and getting yelled at' tbh) but waited for her to reach 16. They were together for 10 years . They did split a coupe of years ago but they're still close, they just grew away from each other.
You did the right thing, if he really does like her, he'll wait.

He sounds like an absolutely lovely lad, but you did the right thing - too much too soon for your DD.

You shouldn't really feel sorry for him, he must have known it was wrong to give a love bite to a 12 year old, however mature and beautiful she is! Love bites tend to lead to other stuff!!

Also, maybe the well spoken, charming and respectful manner could have been an act to win you round??

It doesn't sound as though DD is too upset; maybe she is not ready for a full on boyfriend.