to think this is annoying and a bit rude?

[heraldgerald]

I probably am. Good friend who lives about 2 hours away texts me- what are you doing for the bank hol weekend? Not much I say, fancy coming down for a night we can have bbq. Friend says lovely. I say great we can do Sat or Sun. Friend doesn't reply. Then I get a text saying why don't we meet at a beach for the day near both of us?

This has upset me I'm not quite sure why. The nearest beach to both of us is about 2 hours drive for both of us. We have the coast 20 mins from us. They've stayed a few times and its been nice, but can't have us to stay because their place isn't big enough which I don't mind about. I don't understand why she would suggest this as a good plan, it seems ridiculous to me. And I feel hurt. Aibu?

Do you think your friend maybe feels bad that she can't have you over so suggests a neutral place?

It could be that but I don't think she's the sort to mind...

Perhaps she thinks it would be nice for you all to have a trip out away from home so no one is put out by hosting?

I know id be grateful if that were suggested to me and look forward to the change of scenery

Good point...

She's just decided she fancies going to the beach instead. Tell her you'd rather not make the mission and stick to your original plan so to let you know if she can still make it, if so, which day?

I think that's more the case, but then I don't understand why she wouldn't want to go the beach near us which is lovely?

I really just think she fancies something a bit different.

If so, is that rude? I invited her to ours, without chatting to me and saying, actually you know what I'd really like to do....
I guess I find the hopping to another plan rude frankly. Is that a normal way to make plans and I'm just not picking up a accepted social cues?

It may have been an after thought as she came off the phone. It may have been she's seen an event is being held at that beach the kids might like...
Talk to her

It may well be that she doesn't want to drive all the way to yours. But it's totally ok for you not to want to drive two hours away, too, and just to say "Was hoping for a day nearer to home, so TBH don't fancy that. Offer is still open if you want to come to ours for a BBQ!"

I think all of this is just normal discussion on where/how to meet up with a mate.

I think it's all normal too. If there had been a long standing BBQ plan that she cancelled last minute, yes it would be rude. But this is just still part of the decision making process.

Yeah talking is best. I love it when I see her but she has a very busy career and sends texts rather than speaking on the phone and I don't find it clear what she means in texts as she often doesn't directly answer questions. Sometimes I don't know why I bother actually. She makes me feel shitty : (

Cross post. Oh ok that's interesting. Lotw of my friend s are very specific like, would you like to meet on this day to do this, and I say yes and its in the diary and that's that. But there are other ways of more negotiating the arrangement I see...

Perhaps she didn't want to stay over night but felt like she'd offend you by saying so. Picking somewhere further away means she can decline staying over more easily. Not because of you, just some people don't feel comfortable stopping over.

Good point too..

I think the staying over night thing might be the problem. It means that the next day is kind of taken over a bit as well, and often puts me off agreeing to an arrangement. Usually I just want to go home to my own house after a meet up, and be able to get up and on with my own stuff the next morning.

Sometimes I don't know why I bother actually. She makes me feel shitty : (

Then don't!

I think you're taking it a bit to heart. All sounds pretty normal to me. If its not what you Wang to do (the beach) then just say as suggested - was hoping to hang about, have a BBQ. No bother if it doesn't suit, see you again soon. Staying over at someone's house does make it into a bit of a rigmarole, especially if she's doing something the next day. It also seems that when you meet, she does most of the travelling?

I wouldn't fancy spending my bank holiday driving two hours to go to the beach if I had one nearby! Just tell her that?

Personally I find it all a but one sided, like you only want her to drive to yours because you like it.

She has driven 2hrs to meet up with you in the past, you want her to again but are now upset because she has suggested a plan that involves 2hrs driving for you and you can't be bothered because you can do the same closer to your home.

*i really should read before I post, it reads like I've been on the booze. Sorry! Hopefully you get the drift though, it won't go down well if you object thanks to the drive from your home.

I think you're worrying over nothing. It sounds like a completely normal (text) conversation about what to do about meeting up. Maybe she could have included a "sorry, have thought of something we could do" in her text to make it clearer, but if she's busy at work she probably didn't think it through clearly.