Re Slide Wars

[puntasticusername]

Just curious as to what others think about this incident, really...

I was at the park today with DH, both DSs and DPIL. DPIL were supervising DS1 (age 3) on the slide (DMIL at the top, DFIL waiting at the bottom - stay with me, this is relevant ) while I was on the other side of the park feeding baby DS1, with DH keeping us company. So I didn't personally see any of the tale I am now to relate...

I'm told by DPIL that DS1 went down the slide, and was immediately (ie no time for him to have got off the bottom) followed by another boy, age approx 5-6. So the older boy's feet hit DS quite heavily in the back - I'm told he cried at the time, but he's been fine since; it clearly wasn't a serious injury.

DFIL took exception to the older boy's apparent ignorance of slide etiquette and, noting that the boy's father was nearby (and had done nothing to either direct his DS's use of the slide, or get him to apologise to DS once it was clear he'd hurt him), he said to the boy "hey, you know you shouldn't come straight down the slide after other people like that - you will hurt them, like you did my grandson. You need to give them time to get out of the way. Your daddy should have told you that".

The boy's father replied directly to DFIL, something along the lines (I'm not sure) of "Hey, a direct conversation about this would have been ok, actually". I'm not sure if/how DFIL responded - I think he just shrugged/smiled (probably in a well-you-should-have-been-supervising-your-child-more-closely-in-the-first-place superior sort of way, if I'm any judge).

DFIL said that the next chance he got, the other father made "a rude face" at DFIL and flipped him the bird - in full sight of the children of both families. At which point DFIL laughed and said "Oh, you want me to swivel on that, do you?" and walked off. The other family retreated to the far end of the (large) playground and we had no further contact with them.

In my view, DFIL was perhaps a little out of line in addressing his somewhat PA remark to the child, rather than to the father for whom it was really meant, and then being a tad smug maybe about parenting "standards". OTOH, I think the other father was probably more at fault for not teaching his son how to use a slide considerately in the first place, not making his son apologise to another child that he then hurt (though accidentally, of course) and then being unreasonably aggressive about it when challenged.

However, I only have DPIL's account of the incident - not that I've any real reason to doubt them at all, but: they have both been known to get distressed at "modern" parents' failure to make their children conform to their own, fairly high (which I'm very happy with, don't get me wrong, me and DH are definitely more on the stricter side than the permissive) behavioural standards; they do get upset when they see DS1, who is their PFG, get hurt, however trivially; and DFIL, wonderful as he otherwise is, does have a temper on him. He usually has it well under control, but it's possible that he was more aggressive to the other parties in this incident than he and DMIL have led me and DH to believe.

So, what is the consensus please - was the other father being a dick, or are my PIL being UR in their expectations, or something in between...?

I'm with your FIL tbh, yes he shouldn't have said the final sentence about "didn't your daddy teach you that?" but the rest of it, meh. I think he sounds perfectly reasonable and certainly had the upper hand in the final exchange by laughing at the rude dad!

Not certain I'd have done / said anything different to your FIL, to be honest.

Kid was too quick, your kid was hurt/upset at the time.

What else is an adult supposed to do? "Oh OK sonny. No problem. My grandson doesn't mind being kicked in the back, you carry on"

Nope! I doubt others who have posted that your FIL was U would be quite so calm if something similar happened to a kid they were looking after! I am fairly certain a lot of us would have shouted!

Other dad was a prize pillock, your FIL was very restrained. PA is, in this instance, a crock of shit. He was being the adult. Other dad was not, at any time, from your story.

The only way you may be being U is to question your FILs veracity. You should be grateful he was trying to protect your DS in quite a quiet way.

But I suspect there will be lots of reasons why I am wrong/don't understand!

FIL sounds like a twat. Also like the kind of man who likes to turn everything into a power play situation. Sounds like the other father realised this instinctively and, being forced into a male dominance struggle situation (of course he is presumably programmed himself to be a male-dominance-twat to some extent, but your FIL started the twattishness), had no alternative but to flip the bird, or roll over and say "you top dog, smell my sweaty balls".

I bet things like this happen to your FIL all the time and he enjoys rehashing them later, with MIL telling him how right he was, and the majority of such tales ending in "how I showed him".

You should teach him how to be assertive without being aggressive. The easiest way would have been to say to the boy, nicely, while cuddling his own grandchild, "mind out for the little ones next time, please, sweetie?"

Fil was right to speak to the child about safety on the slide, but not questioning lack of parenting. Dad was definitely rude and abusive but I think FIL should have shrugged it off and left it there.

All kids do silly things and I think adults should step in to remind them when their parent isn't around or hasn't noticed/bothered.

queenmab You're wrong, he's not like that at all, he's lovely. As I said, he does have a temper but he keeps it well in hand 99% of the time. I've known him 14 years and the only time I've ever seen him come anywhere near losing his shit was 3 years ago - on that occasion, he knew he was at risk of blowing up and he took himself out of the house for a walk to calm down.

I don't exactly mean to question DPIL's veracity, it's just that I am terminally fair minded and can never forget there are two sides to every story! It's very inconvenient at times

I would have said something similar to the child but without the 'your father should have taught you that' bit. And if someone had said similar to me I would be tempted to tell them to swivel too. You can't always watch your child every single second, particularly if you have more children with you.
Child should know better but is frustrating when younger children dithering about.

On the flip side saw some over zealous slide etiquite parenting the other day. Kid of about 3 bounds up to slide about to jump on but mother shouts and puts hand in front 'now stop tarquin. Is anyone on the slide?' Tarquin: 'er. No.' Mother: 'ok. Then you can go'. Fair enough if people using it but she did it about 3 times and no one at all near the slide. All I could think was 'shes doing my bloody head in, imagine how the poor kid feels!'

Wow. I can't believe the names your FIL is being called - twat / arsehole. Doesn't this speak volumes about the person branding these words around? Totally out of proportion.

No I don't think your FIL was unreasonable. It could have been a nasty injury. I don't even think it was PA of him. Yes the daddy should have flippin' told his son that. A good lesson learnt hopefully for the other father.

I'm in despair though. Is this the next generation of father coming through now - ones who stick their fingers up at others and, even worse, in full view of their youngsters? And is this the new generation of mums what take their kids to the park: twat and arsehole references!