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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think they could have just effing sat with her?

52 replies

icanneverremember · 18/05/2014 19:41

I had just bathed 2 year old dd and took her to the living room where her GP were sat. I gave her her milk and put on ITNG. She was sat right next to GPS and I said to them "I'm just going to shut the door to the conservatory because I don't want her going outside now and I'll be upstairs bathing other dc."
I was upstairs for about 20 minutes and popped back down for something to find they'd buggered off out to the conservatory to sit and left dd in the living room on her own. The door between the house and conservatory was closed so they couldn't hear her and our house is quite large so they couldn't see her.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off
a) because they should have told me she was now unattended and
b) they're going home tomorrow so it would have been nice if they'd sat with her for a bit

At one point she pressed her nose up to the glass and tried talking to them. They just sat at looked at her

I'm not exactly fuming but Ibam a little shitty about it. It's been the icing on a very long weekend...

OP posts:

LettertoHerms · 18/05/2014 20:03

YANBU.

Very mean, this really makes me sad. Even if they're not the type that knows how to play/engage with little ones... who leaves a two year old alone, not even leaving the door open to hear her?

Prettykitty111 · 18/05/2014 20:09

That is really crap. How can anyone ignore a gorgeous, freshly washed and yummy smelling LO? Especially at bedtime when you can have cuddles? Do they engage with any of your children? How do they treat you?

Fairylea · 18/05/2014 20:11

Weirdos. Just bloody strange.

OddFodd · 18/05/2014 20:15

How horrible :( Do you have to invite them back to stay again? They don't sound very child-friendly

Original poster

icanneverremember · 18/05/2014 20:34

Ugh, don't get me started (actually guess I did that myself!).

We fell out a while ago. Our nanny had to stop working for us under unexpected and very sad circumstances. As we have no family help and I work shifts we felt we had no choice but to hire an AuPair which has worked really well for us but means we have no spare room now. They made it quite clear how pissed off they were. We offered them a sofa bed but they refused as the boiler makes too much noise in that room. They were even more pissed off that I would not give them one of dc's rooms. Because of this they even refused to come to the country for dh's 40th

The cherry on top is that I've justfound one of FIL's tablets for god knows what on the kitchen floor! Grrrrrrrr, roll on tomorrow!

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 18/05/2014 20:34

It is very strange for grandparents to leave a small child alone, in order to go and sit in a different room - a room which they had just been told the child wasn't allowed to go into. Like they were choosing to escape to the only place off limits to the child. It doesn't make any sense.

FourForksAche · 18/05/2014 20:36

found a tablet? jeez, I wouldn't have them back in a hurry! maybe give it 6 or 7 years?

jeanmiguelfangio · 18/05/2014 20:39

My life, surely a gp would want to spend time one on one with a gc especially as if the tv is on, they could just sit and cuddle.

TheLowestFormOfWit · 18/05/2014 20:42

What does your DH think?

They sound awful.

andsmile · 18/05/2014 20:46

they are odd and unreasonable.

I look after my two year old f/t. I leave her while I use the loo, in a safe room.

I engage her to play but I also leave her to play on her own. I think it is unreasonable to play constantly with a child so i think the comment about the playdoh is a bit precious - but I get they are a bit weird.

HauntedNoddyCar · 18/05/2014 20:51

Are they the type that like taking photos to show everyone what doting gps they are without the bother of actually interacting with the gc?

Worriedkat · 18/05/2014 20:52

My MIL once left DS3 on his own in an unenclosed garden on holiday. I had asked her to take him in her holiday accom with her, she said afterwards she just thought the would follow us so she went in and left him to it. Didnt think to tell us, presumably we were supposed to be psychic.

Needless to say there have been no more holidays since then.

Some people are just not up to speed with toddler safety, it's been too long and they're out of practice .

BarbaraWoodlouse · 18/05/2014 21:07

I'm not saying they were in the right at all, but frankly I do understand swiftly vacating a room where INTG has suddenly just been switched on. Hardly conducive to relaxing adult conversation.

As an isolated incident I'd be inclined to put it down to poor communication (you didn't actually say you expected them to keep an eye on DD, they apparently didn't ask what you expected of them) but I see it's not...

alcibiades · 18/05/2014 21:21

I don't understand how some grandparents can be so uncaring/uninvolved/ignorant. How is it possible to forget the needs of young children, especially safety? Surely once the first DGC arrives, the memories all come flooding back?

Worriedkat · 18/05/2014 21:25

Maybe for some grandparents, particularly those that see a lot of the grandchildren. My children got their post dinner mouths wiped with cloths used for bleach and an offer of a holiday in a retirement complex. Meant well, but not on the right page.

Worriedkat · 18/05/2014 21:30

And yy to young children finding tablets lying about. Which apparently was my fault as there was nowhere to put them when they stayed on the sofa bed in our lounge and we didn't give up our bed for them (3 days post c section and post op womb infection with daily heparin injections).

I'm hearing you op. Are they still there?

Original poster

icanneverremember · 18/05/2014 21:45

Yep, sleeping on the sofa bed in the playroom which I bought especially for them. Think they may have realised it's one hell of a lot noisier than the the "boiler room"

ISWYM about the playdoh incident seeming precious but it occured to me that they have never ONCE played with any of the dc in this way. Which is why it peed me off.

I first realised we wouldn't get on the first day I met them. DH had some exciting news about a great achievement of his. When he told them all they said was "oh" in a bewildered tone and then started talking about themselves. I felt crushed for dh and have never really forgiven them. It seems their indifference extends to their own children as well!

And I totally hear you about the doting gp thing - I get the impression they want to be seen that way but in reality don't know how to go about it.

OP posts:

EverythingCounts · 18/05/2014 21:49

I think you'll actually be getting a lucky break if they decide not to come visit in future.

WelshMaenad · 18/05/2014 21:49

They sound exactly like my inlaws! I witnessed, unseen, my MIL at my sodding wedding, running away from then 3 yr old dd and latching the door behind her so dd couldn't follow her.

They also once came to the seaside with us, and took dd on a long walk to the water whilst I sat on the sea wall (v heavily pregnant and knackered), DH opted to stay with me, they came back a short while later and mil snarked "Must be nice not to have responsibility for your child for fifteen minutes".

Yeah. Lovely. You FUCKNUT.

NadiaWadia · 18/05/2014 23:23

They sound awful. Any decent person would stay in the same room as a 2 year old just to make sure they were safe, even if they'd never met them before. They obviously don't enjoy spending time with their own DGD - weirdos! Poor little thing.

I have no idea what ITNG is though.

NadiaWadia · 18/05/2014 23:25

I wonder why it is that so many people who don't enjoy spending time with children at all, have had their own children? They can't have changed that much in 30 years or so? (the people, not the children)

MintyChops · 18/05/2014 23:31

They sound awful. Well done for not murdering them over the weekend. Hopefully they will fuck off nice and early
in the morning and not come back for a loooooong time. May I recommend that the sofa bed develops a number of painful, impossible-to-avoid, sticking-out springs if they ever do come back?

LiberalLibertine · 18/05/2014 23:32

In the night garden Nadia

Very odd and crappy of them op, poor dd.

Catsize · 18/05/2014 23:52

OP, i think we have the same parents. My mother, in particular, could not be less interested in her grandchildren. They live four miles away. Mum has babysat once in nearly three years and is very much of the 'children need to learn to be bored' school of thinking. She has yet to play with any of her grandchildren as far as I am aware. My dad is marginally better, but has never changed a nappy in his life. And refuses to deal with stuff like grizzliness. We see them every few weeks or so, and usually at my instigation.

Catsize · 18/05/2014 23:54

Sorry, forgot that my mum also took my son for a fifteen minute walk in his pram when he was a few months old, so has looked after him twice. We had a bit of an emergency and she agreed to help out but my partner still tells the tale of her going out of the drive with the pram saying 'you owe me for this'.

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