Who is bu and what do I do now?

[Splashyhands]

Will try to keep short, Dsis has hugely fallen out with me because I haven't asked her to be dd godmother.

The reason I haven't asked is because DH has 2 sisters who I don't want as godmother. I've had a lot of control issues with SIL1 and a lot of digs about dd seeing my family more that DH's. So, to avoid any issues I decided to have friends only as godparents otherwise I would have asked Dsis.

Dsis says she feels hurt and betrayed and that I haven't chosen her and that she thinks godparents should always be family. She's annoyed that she thinks I'm only doing this because I'm afraid of sils reaction and that my relationship with her is different to DH and his sisters and she and I are friends too. My family all think I should have her too because she's upset.

I have already asked 4 other people to be godparents and DH doesn't want me to have Dsis as he thinks it's not fair on his non controlling sister. He's also not very impressed with Dsis behaviour over this.

I'm gutted Dsis is upset, but also that she's pretty much cutting me out as a result.

Am I in the one being unreasonable here? Should I have asked Dsis? And how do I put it right?

Titles like aunt and godparent do not dictate the quality of the relationship. Special relationships can only be fostered over time. Only time will tell who of this cabal of aunties and godparents your DC will have a special relationship with, if any of them.

Its up to your ds whether she thinks nurturing their relationship our having a title its more impotent to her.

I can slightly see that she might feel a tiny bit put out that she is'losing' out on the honorific through no fault of her own but her reaction is OTT.

Perhaps if you explain that as godparent she would be expected to do [insert made up shit here] that as a non churchgoer she won't know and won't want to do.

Important not impotent! Also or not our.

Your sister is her aunt she doesn't need to be god parent. Unless your outright saying whoever is godparent gets dd if you and oh died it's not really a big deal. The reasoning behind my choice of godparents was to create a bond between DC and my friends so when they are older they know they are godparents not just mummy's friend. Your sister is already part of the family!

Ask DSis if she will have DS if anything happens to you/DH and you die. Put it in the wills (if you are happy)

Or have her has godparent. She was obviously looking forward to the role. Its ok to have some relatives as godparents and not others.

Depends. What do you expect her godparents to do for her?

Me and DH aren't religious, so we expect DD's godparents to offer her advice and be someone to come talk to when/if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to us about something.

In anycase, it's your child you should pick her godparents with HER best interests in mind, not to avoid drama for yourself. If you truly feel your friends will do the best job, great stick with it. If you feel that your sister would be best, then perhaps you should rethink your reasoning and understand that letting someone else spoil it for her is unfair.

I'd ask her what she'd be doing as a godmother that she wouldn't be doing as an aunt?

YANBU because it is completely your choice but...

If you would have chosen her if there wasn't the SIL situation then it is a bit harsh on her. I fell into this a few years ago but in a different situation. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid because my SIL didn't want her other SIL and tbh it hurt and I found it very hard to understand her reasoning.

I think you have made the right choice and you can certainly justify it to all family members on grounds of your (and not theirs) Catholicism...YANBU, and I hope that your Dsis will come round soon (but that's her responsibility, not yours to 'make it right'!)

I think there is some slightly ill thought-out advice here regarding who would become your DC's legal guardian in the event of your premature deaths. That is a whole different ball game; it will also entail a difficult decision (and negotiation with whoever you ask, as it's such a big responsibility) regarding who you think you want to raise your children after such an event, and I don't think you should offer it to your sister as a consolation prize! Definitely one to think about as a very separate issue from selecting a godparent, IMO.

I hope all goes well with the Christening