Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to ask for career advice?

54 replies

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 15:08

I am 32.

I have a degree in English.

I have 2 children. DS is 7, DD is just under a month old.

DH doesn't want any more children as we have a boy and a girl now. So I need to be thinking of options post motherhood, when DD is older so in a year or so.

I'm struck with a lack of imagination. Any thoughts? X

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 18/05/2014 16:07

You could do. Depends whether your husband agrees to pay for it I suppose.

The question is: does he see the money he earns as family money and is he supportive of you developing your skills and returning to work? If he is, a lot is possible. If he isn't, you're going to find it very difficult indeed.

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 16:12

Well, he does see it as family money. But even when we were both earning he used to say I spent too much and needed to reign it in.

I don't know how supportive he'd be. I think I need to retrain or do something to keep my sanity just now (I'm not being entirely facetious) but he'd say I-told-you-so blah blah blah and it isn't very helpful.

OP posts:

Tweasels · 18/05/2014 16:12

Your baby is less than a month old?

Whilst planning and thinking about your career is a good thing, this might not be the best time. You are reacting to your current circumstances which will cloud your judgement.

Why do you feel inadequate? Why do you feel like you might be depressed?

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 16:16

It happened before tweasels, with DS. I recognise the slide in.

I know exactly what you mean, DH said the same when I tried to talk to him about it. But I do feel I need some sort of plan, even if only to make me feel a bit more positive about the future.

OP posts:

Kerberos · 18/05/2014 16:22

You have a degree in English. How about something creative? Copywriting? Are you organised - Bid management? Any good at marketing? Or whilst you have very small children how about tutoring? Or PA/secretary again would be useful to have English degree? Or teaching A level/degree?

Have a look around at the companies located in the area you are in now and the kinds of job they are advertising. Talk to everyone you know about wanting to find something. You'd be surprised how many jobs go before they are advertised.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/05/2014 16:23

Exam invigilating?

Lunchtime supervising at schools?

Mystery shopper?

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 16:25

Thanks kerberos :)

I definitely couldn't do anything to do with teaching, I'm just not very good at it.

I feel like I hardly know anyone - a handful of old school friends (most of whom are primary school teachers!) and a couple of DH friends. This is one of the problems, I feel so isolated.

OP posts:

Tweasels · 18/05/2014 17:38

Maybe start building up a network of friends. Would you go to a baby group?

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 17:52

I have been trying.

It has been difficult though. They all seem to have active lives outside the baby groups while I don't :)

OP posts:

Tweasels · 18/05/2014 18:27

Surely most are on maternity leave though? Their life won't be much different to yours I wouldn't imagine. How much life can you possibly have with a tiny baby

Many women choose to take a break in their career whilst the children are small. Amongst the parents I know it is probably a 50/50 split of those that work and those that don't.

So you want more friends but won't make any because you feel inadequate compared to them. You are creating obstacles which don't really exist.

Even if you do retrain or find a marvellous career, you aren't realistically going to be doing that for at least 6 months or so. You cannot hide yourself away until you deem yourself to be worthy of the company you keep.

Tiny steps. Go to the baby group, if someone asks what you do you tell them you're a teacher but are thinking of retraining, cue lovely conversation with new friend, and some advice to boot no doubt.

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 18:35

Hey, that's not fair, I'm trying to make friends, I'm trying really hard, but it isn't easy.

It would just be nice to have adult interaction.

OP posts:

redexpat · 18/05/2014 19:26

I'd also recommend temping. I did it for a year after graduating, and I learned a lot about myself doing it. Things like what kind of environment I like, working alone/part of a team etc. It also gives you insight into a lot of different organisations. You can really use it to talk to people about what they do, how they got there and whether they enjoy it.

You say you were a teacher - have you thought about teaching adults? In a prison? Totally different kettle of fish.

You say that you dont know what you're good at. Temping is a god way to find out. Would you be willing to throw money at this? Maybe get an hour or two with a life coach. Alternatively, are there any seminars by a local college - you know open evening type things. Or self help books in the library. Perhaps there are careers advisors at a collge nearby.

I'd also recommend volunteering just to get out a bit. www.do-it.org.uk is a good place to start. Just to see whats available.

How do you feel about beauty therapy? That never seems to go out of demand, and they all seem to do ok for themselves! Plus you could get one of those garden offices if you wanted to be independant, so it wouldnt affect your husband's sleeping time.

accuralworld · 18/05/2014 19:30

I know how you feel. I'm surrounded by women who have fantastic successful careers and I have spent the last ten years raising my children. I feel inadequate because I don't have the wonderful career.

I started studying the AAT while the children were younger and now have a job working as an accounts assistant. Which I'm unfortunately giving up as working full time, having a husband who runs his own business and trying to juggle three children isn't working.

I don't know what I'm trying to say, just wanted you to know you aren't the only one to feel this way. I think we are incredibly hard on ourselves and don't realise that we are worthwhile.

londonrach · 18/05/2014 19:39

Chiropody....

Phineyj · 18/05/2014 20:02

Try this book - www.amazon.co.uk/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2014/dp/1607743620.

Spend a few months working through the exercises and try not to shut down any options before you've explored them (don't involve DH at this stage). It sounds like you may be a bit like me and need a lot of social contact to be happy -- I sink into mild depression after a few months of freelancing at home/being underemployed, and maternity leave was the same, but with more poo.

Also, contact a couple of old friends, who you trust and who know you well, and ask them for suggestions. I changed career into teaching (can totally understand, however, that it's not for everyone) and a number of old friends and family members commented that it was the perfect fit - they knew something about me that I did not.

And stuff the lawyers etc - all you need is to find something you enjoy and that you find worthwhile. Try not to compare -- what do YOU want to do?

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 20:04

Thank you so much for your suggestions :)

I really don't think I want to go back into teaching, really. I just am not a very good teacher

I think I would be a good nurse but DH thinks I wouldn't be - need to talk to him again really.

OP posts:

Phineyj · 18/05/2014 20:08

If you have that insight about yourself, please don't go back to teaching. It is tough enough when you enjoy it! I am sure there are heaps of things you could do, but your DH sounds like he could be more supportive. I suppose though that if he saw you miserable as a teacher, he might think that it has a lot in common with nursing. Explore a range of health related careers maybe?

HappyAgainOneDay · 18/05/2014 20:08

Proof reading?

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 20:11

Yes, we definitely need to have a talk - it's just getting past the negativity

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 18/05/2014 20:22

Why doesn't he think you'd be a good nurse?

Does he want you to have a career, or to develop confidence and relationships outside the home?

twentyten · 18/05/2014 20:25

I agree with the parachute suggestion ! A g reat book

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 20:28

ilovesooty, he thinks because I've been ill I won't be able to cope.

I think having BEEN ill that will help me understand and be a better nurse? I don't know though.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 18/05/2014 20:32

Yes, I recommend the book too.

I think there's every chance that you are right and he is wrong about your capabilities.

I've got a feeling that he has an investment in not encouraging you to try new things, to be honest. If you develop greater confidence that might not be something that suits him.

titchy · 18/05/2014 20:35

Ok so if nursing is interesting you maybe try some care assistant type work to see how you feel about that type of role? You'd need relevant work experience to get onto a nursing degree so it would also help towards that if you liked the work, and you'd be earning, and could probably do bank or shift work around your dh's work.

Original poster

whynowblowwind · 18/05/2014 20:36

Thanks, I'll order the book. Will make a change from books about breast feeding anyway!

I think DH likes things as they are; he doesn't understand it can get really lonely and empty for me.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3