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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL taking decisions over pull up etc

46 replies

uptheauntie · 18/05/2014 10:20

DD is 3.5 and wears a pull up at night. She is dry most of the time, but regressed to having some day time accidents recently, due to some upheaval at home, so thought it best to keep the pulls up on for now. She is getting her new big bed next week and I have been telling her that when she gets her new bed, she will stop wearing pull ups at night time. All good. Plastic sheets are bought!

MIL was very kindly looking after DD at our house last night. I told her about the pull ups.

Spoke to MIL this morning, DD didn't want to wear her pull up last night and wet herself during the night. Duvet, mattress covered in urine. I wanted to wait until we got her new bed, rather than stocking up on lots of spare bedding for a cot bed that she will be out of I days.

Add to this the background that one morning MIL took DD, then met me out for a coffee with DD and turned up with DD out of her nappy as DD had told her she didn't want to wear nappies anymore. Which was great given we were hours from home with no change. And we had been told by the dr to leave DDs potty training for a few more weeks after a UTI. MIL knew this.

So, there we are with two incidences where MIL has taken he lead with DDs toilet habits, and I believe she is selling it to us as DD asking. Coincidence?

AIBU to be a bit pissed off?

OP posts:

Original poster

uptheauntie · 18/05/2014 12:16

How do I know she didn't have a tantrum? MIL told me. DD is very happy wearing pull ups, never had an issue with DD putting them on. MIL has the issue with it I suspect.

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/05/2014 12:52

YANBU

Even though you think your DD is ready to try going dry at night, you didn't have the bed ready for it, which your MIL presumably knew. She was being pretty arrogant to ride roughshod over that sort of preperation. It's a big hassle and can tie you to the house for the day trying to get everything dry for night time. And matresses that are soaked sometimes take more than a day to dry out and, in any case, make the room stink.

If my baby sitter let my child who was in nappies go to bed without one on because the child had asked I would be annoyed too. Whether or not the baby sitter was doing me a favour or whether or not my child had had a tantrum. That's just one of the things you have to deal with when looking after a small child. If they tantrum and you really can't deal, let them go to bed then slip one on later after they've settled down. It's not something to ignore.

HelenHen · 18/05/2014 15:09

Yanbu at all... And this has been a frustrating thread to read with everyone instructing you how to potty train! Don't mind the supermoms!

Nanny0gg · 18/05/2014 15:19

Sorry. I didn't realise that we could only answer direct questions and nothing else.

And if you get annoyed that easily, might I suggest AIBU is not the most suitable place to post.

If a child (as you have stated) starts having daytime accidents due to 'upheaval' it is not unreasonable to think they may well have nighttime accidents. Which she did. So why were some of us wrong to think that it won't all be sorted in a week's time?

Go and do what you like. But don't come back here complaining that she's soaked through her nice, new 'big girl's' duvet rather than her little cotbed one.

Lemonsole · 18/05/2014 15:26

Sorry, OP, but your original post suggested strongly that you were dealing with a child who wasn't dry in the day at the moment, and who wasn't yet dry at night. MIL may well need to wind her neck in - but I think that it's unreasonable to believe that a child who is wet during the day is going somehow to be dry at night if she's in a different bed. Just looking at the whole picture, as painted by you. Discussing how night toilet training works with your MIL would probably be more effective than just saying to her that your DD is to use a pull-up because you say so.

mameulah · 18/05/2014 15:26

You need to find another babysitter! Your MIL is totally out of order.

quietbatperson · 18/05/2014 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youmakemydreams · 18/05/2014 16:15

As much as I agree that it is hormonal I also know that ds2 pees in his pull up at night purely because he can.

If it is only a lightweight cot duvet chuck it in the washing machine and it'll be dry I wouldn't replace a duvet every time it got wee or sick on it I just wash it. Always get a new one when they are reliably dry at night. I am also fairly far north in the uk and don't have all the glorious sunshine they are having in England just now and it is still warm enough here for blankets at night instead of a duvet.

EverythingsDozy · 18/05/2014 17:02

Sorry to derail slightly but when is average for night time dryness?! Someone up thread said that 3.5 is early?
I would stick with the pull ups though OP, even in her new bed. It's no fun changing a bed, I wouldn't want to be doing this regularly!

quietbatperson · 18/05/2014 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonecatwithkitten · 18/05/2014 17:38

It can be up to 6 years of age before there are adequate hormone levels. On average 25% if reception class children will wear a nappy at night.

saoirse31 · 18/05/2014 17:57

You're buying a new duvet? What happened to washing.... think you are being unreasonable to be so upset by this. if youre so stressed at a wet bed maybe youre passing your worries about this to your dd ...

Was ur mil unreasonable? Not sure tbh. If ur dd told her she didnt want pullups then she was nbu. Im slightly amused at ur dd knowing the plan.....

Original poster

uptheauntie · 18/05/2014 18:06

I really am intrigued by some of the reactions. If DD didn't want to brush her teeth it would not be UR to let her not bother doing them? If DD didn't want to put on her skin cream MIL wouldn't be UR to not bother?

Just because a 3.5 year old may (and I am not convinced she did in this instance) have expressed an desire not to do something, MIL should just pander to her every whim?

I need to get another duvet as MIL just left it festering and it is unlikely I can get it dried before bed tonight. Because if I had been planning to take her out of pull-ups I would have ensured I had a spare duvet in the house incase she wet herself at night time.

MIL hasn't stressed me out. She has pissed me off. The two are very different. what makes you think my DD is stressed out?

OP posts:

Roseformeplease · 18/05/2014 18:14

YANBU OP.

Also, it is fucking raining here, and has been all day, and all weekend. It is cold. We have the fire on. We are in the UK. Could people on here please not berate the OP for not taking advantage of the lovely weather to dry a duvet that should not be wet anyway, because the MiL ignored her specific request when the weather is NOT lovely everywhere.

Original poster

uptheauntie · 18/05/2014 18:45

Roseforme it doesn't matter that I know that it is not warm here. Other people, who don't even know where I live, know far better than me!

OP posts:

Roseformeplease · 18/05/2014 18:48

Wee chink in the clouds now, OP, better get that duvet out, quick. Mind you, if you can get to my line without the midges eating you alive, you are one lucky duvet washing Mum.

youmakemydreams · 18/05/2014 19:30

I'm fairly far north in the highlands and despite the rain it's certainly warm here you know being May and all and even if you cant tumble dry or stick the quilt out I'm fairly certain most people could cope for one night in cosy jammies and some blankets.

Roseformeplease · 18/05/2014 19:54

Agreed, youmakemydreams but we were just ranting at the fact that the OP was being berated for not hanging the duvet out because of the lovely weather.

Actually, it has been pretty good her until the last few days.

Original poster

uptheauntie · 18/05/2014 20:14

I don't actually have any suitable blankets, it's not something we use. The only ones I have are from her baby days.

OP posts:

TheTerribleBaroness · 18/05/2014 23:59

Well, YANBU. MIL is doubly out of order firstly for not using a pull up and secondly for leaving the duvet to fester. I would be pissed off too.

youmakemydreams · 19/05/2014 00:18

Ooh beautiful around you may be heading that way on a camping tour of Scotland next month (child free... Check me)

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