To want a night to myself?

[Stresseduptotheeyeballs]

I always thought that when I became a mum I would never want to be parted from my DS not even for a night. I was so very wrong, DS is 8 months old and I would give anything to just get a night away.

I feel absolutely awful about it but a night in a hotel by myself sounds lovely, I would have a lovely long soak in the tub, read some of my book that has been sat there for months, in other words just do feck all. DH and I have had a few dates just us but when I told him he seemed hurt and asked if I would prefer to go for a weekend away from him (we could afford to do both)

I don't want to sound like I am being competitive with DH about who is the most hard done by, but he does have his own hobbies, eg he goes to the gym three times a week and a long gym session one afternoon a week among various other things. He works hard and often works abroad, so he get's weekends and evenings entirely to himself. He often offers to look after the baby while I have a bath at home which is lovely of him but it is a small house and I can't fully relax when I can hear DS crying or if DH brings DS up to see me because he misses me.

I do have a driving lesson for one hour a week which I do see as my "me time" but the reason I am learning is so I can do food shopping while DH is away etc.

AIBU? I am wondering if it is just because I am on my own alot with a teething DS that I feel this way

Dunno but what you describe sounds lush! And I have 2 DC one of whoms is less than 5 mo old!

I won't be doing anything but it's a nice fantasy

I do find myself fantasising about it a lot, usually when I have been pooed/peed/sicked up on. The reality probably wont match up to it though, I bet I will start to miss DH and DS but I wouldn't mind giving it a go!

YANBU

I had my first child free and husband free weekend at home in years ( DC are 6 and 3) and I caught up on my programmes, did cleaning at my own pace, cooked myself something nice for dinner and generally just enjoyed the peace. It was long overdue and I was a better person for it afterwards.

I've been away without DH and the DC'S before but it's not the same as being at home!

Yanbu, everyone needs a little time away but if your only " me time" is a driving lesson I'm not surprised u want to get away to a hotel by yourself.
Your dh is Away at the gym for hours each week, you should be too, not necessarily the gym but away, even a walk or even a coffee with a friend, let dh mind dc. I am in a similar situation, can not relax if I hear dc crying when dh is giving me a break by minding them for awhile

Sounds wonderful!

Not quite the same but I do occasionally take s day off work and just potter about, go shopping, read a book or get my nails done. I've got a day booked off next week to do exactly this and I'm really looking forward to it.

YANBU. You don't stop being a person in your own right the day you give birth. I was like that when my two were young - I love them to bits, but I need time and space of my own as well.

Can you make this happen? If you have enough money then I think you should go for it. If not, try to find other things to do to give you some space. An hour's driving lesson a week hardly counts as wind-down time!

I'm glad I am not the only one that this appeals to, I said so many "When I am a parent" things when I was pregnant and have barely followed any of them through!

I used to do that when I was working Hopalong, I have always enjoyed my own company.

I would go to the gym etc but I live out in the sticks (DH's gym is by his work) it will hopefully be a possibility once I can drive.

We could afford it, I can make it happen but it seems like I have hurt DH's feelings in talking about it. Thing is I would be much more up for a dirty weekend with him if I have had some time to myself before to remember that I am my own person, not just Mummy.

It's a great idea and YADNBU, how about going for a swim, meeting friends on your own for coffee/lunch if you can't afford a night in a hotel.

YANBU and do it!

I don't know why your husband should be hurt. I assume you don't give him a hurt look every time he goes to the gym or away for work. You absolutely deserve a break too, a proper one.

I went away for a couple nights when DS was this age, I had the worst sleep deprivation and desperately needed a break. It was awesome.

I know what you mean, private time and head-space, what luxury (!).

24 hours away to recharge your batteries sounds like not much to ask. Nobody gives you a medal for coping and the longer you tolerate something, the more astonishment when you finally snap and question it.

It's good that DH has spells of time to himself and hobbies but I think you should acknowledge you are enabling him to do so much by being there for childcare, 24/7. Don't you deserve a free pass now and then?

I am sure DH would cope for a day or two and unless you are bf I think DS would manage.

If finances allow start thinking about nursery during the week and look into those activities at venues with a creche facility. Maybe you could take up golf once a week, a nice long chunk of time going round 9 or 18 holes, in exchange for all his gym sessions.

YANBU.

You should be getting equal amounts of child-free time. I wouldn't class having a bath or a driving lesson as leisure.

Your dh gets to do his own thing by himself. Why shouldn't you?

Theres nothing wrong with it at all. Set a president now so its normal and do it every 6 months?

YANBU i would suggest just a night to yourself or with your partner every person needs me time.

Sounds like a brilliant idea!

Maybe just sit down and explain that you dont feel hurt by his gym sessions - that you dont see it as him escaping you but a chance to focus solely on him

One night away in a hotel every three.months or so to focus solely on you sounds excellent and he should want to help you feel more of an individual person rather than just Xs Wife and Ys Mummy.

I did it when dd was 6 months. Was bliss. There was a bath tub in the room. Ate chocolate, drank wine, watched rom com. Do it!

Just do it ... it will be utter bliss. Like other posters have said just explain that you want time to yourself like he does at the gym . Ignore the " hurt " looks that come your way . Bet you don't look " hurt " when he gets time to himself . I'm afraid I get this treatment whenever my daughter asks me to go on a spa break with her .... I pretend I don't notice , stress how much I am looking forward to it and amazingly he gets over it and always says he is glad I enjoyed it . Mind you , I always ring him briefly to say goodnight and tell him what we've been up to . He enjoys his time alone too , catching up with sport on the tv and eating curries ( take away !) .
Enjoy it .... you've earned a rest

I'm back, sorry to post and run I was out for the day, thanks for your replies.

I am definitely going to get it booked, maybe for a few weeks time so I have something to look forward to while I am dealing with this bout of teething. I'll have to remember to get some bluebeanie! Thanks for the suggestions on how to tell DH, when I suggested it to him it wasn't quite as eloquent as that, more like "I need to get away from here for a night!.

I really do need to find myself a hobby, before I settled down I used to dance, but I would like to do something different. Our local pool and leisure centre has a crèche but that will have to wait until I have passed my driving test.

Thanks again, glad I am not being unreasonable!