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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think boys can do Ballet and girls karate

59 replies

creamandsugar · 17/05/2014 13:50

Basically that. My sil thinks the opposite. We have similar aged children and when she heard my dd's who is only 4 btw, best friend in Montessori is a boy she was shocked,and when I told her that Ballet ,rugby or karate classes were offered to my ds ,she gasped Ballet for boys!!! Hes not doing Ballet but the fact that Ballet classes were even available for him was outrageous.
Really thought people didn't think like this anymore.
She has a ds and a dd. Wonder what will happen if god forbid her dd wants to play Rugby Shock

OP posts:
SuperSophie · 17/05/2014 16:12

It's a matter of real-world practicalities.

Girls who have 'boyish' interests (football, martial arts, etc) will not usually have their lives made Hell for them by their peers.

Boys who do ballet are, however, going to have problems in the world outside their ballet classes.

crazycanuck · 17/05/2014 16:40

I had a friend like this, it was infuriating. When we found out that for PE (our kids were in year 3 at the time) all the children would do a term of football followed by a term of netball she practically had kittens in the playground. Her anguished cries of netball being only for girls (she has 2 boys) reverberated across the playground, completely drowning out my protestations that it was a fabulous plan.

mumontheroad · 17/05/2014 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OscarWinningActress · 17/05/2014 16:54

Jesus. Male ballet dancers are some of the most hardcore athletes on the planet (well, females too obviously) and martial arts is just wicked. For Everyone. Period. Your SIL is a knob.

Aspiringhuman · 17/05/2014 17:01

Of course they can.

I once overheard a Dad scream at his dd who looked about 4. "Of course you can't go to bloody football lessons, you're a bloody girl"

nooka · 17/05/2014 17:04

Boys taking up ballet are a very small minority of most classes, it is seen as something for little girls. So I applaud any boy that wants to (although I absolutely hated ballet myself). Girls doing martial arts is fairly main stream - the Tae Kwondo class that ds and I go to is more than 50% girls, the rugby club that dd and ds used to go to was about 50:50 and where I live football/soccer is mainly a girl's sport. Always harder it seems for boys to do 'girly' things than the other way around. Sad.

AgadorSpartacus · 17/05/2014 17:04

My DS (12) does Ballet. Not just ballet but tap, modern etc.

Sadly, apart from a few very close friends, he doesn't tell anybody about his dance. Which is a shame because it's what he loves and what he lives for. Attitudes like your sil perpetuate boys like mine keepingtheir interests hidden as if it's something to be embarrassed about.

Oh and he did karate between the ages of 4 and 7 yrs. Gave it up because he couldn't get his head around the idea of kicking and punching someone he had no beef with Smile

MammaTJ · 17/05/2014 18:13

I know a lad who trains with the Royal Ballet. He is so very good.

Where do the male leads in ballets come from if boys do not do ballet? They have to start very young to be any good.

As for girls not doing karate, she could have a fight with almost red belt DD about that one. I bet your SIL would lose! Wink

Original poster
creamandsugar · 17/05/2014 18:29

She probably would lose because as we all know girls don't do karate Wink

OP posts:
Boaty · 17/05/2014 18:42

My DD did karate from age 7 and teaches it now..her brothers did dance and music and drama, now does none.
Karate was useful when she was mugged aged 16 ..and flattened the thugs!
Your SIL is an idiot OP...

SuperSophie · 17/05/2014 18:57

Adult male ballet dancers usually live their lives among people who are not prejudiced against male ballet dancers.

Young boys who do ballet will, however, almost inevitably have to mix with people who are very much prejudiced against male ballet dancers.

If a boy knows about prejudice but is nevertheless very keen to learn ballet, that's one thing - but if a boy is unaware of the associated prejudice, it's rather cruel for a parent to steer him towards ballet.

LEMmingaround · 17/05/2014 19:06

I never got the ballet thing - DD did it when she was younger as it was something i thought she would like but she never really got it either - now karate, she loves that. I think there is a fairly even split between boys and girls in her group - at all the levels. I have never considered karate to be "for boys" but i will admit that i do think ballet is aimed more at girls - all that pink and boys do tend to be in the minority - its probably all that pink! Karate has always been unisex in my mind, in fact as a form of self defence is often aimed at women. Saying that - i have no problem with boys doing ballet whatsoever, no experience, both of my dc are girls :) and neither of them liked it either. I find it strange that there are more girls than boys who do horse riding. I don't understand that - there is no pink in sight, but definately aimed at young girls i think, until you get to the higher levels and for some reason women are pretty thin on the ground Hmm

Oakmaiden · 17/05/2014 19:08

My 9 year old boy does ballet.

And my 10 year old girl does football.

Actually they both do football and ballet - and they both enjoy both.

Ledkr · 17/05/2014 19:12

My son hasn't encountered any problems at all.
I sent him to ballet because I danced and could see he had musicalty and flexibility and the right physique.
He has lots of different friends and growing up was fairly laddish, wore caps and joggers etc.
he had a couple of "gay" comments at secondary school but had the confidence to give as good as he got.
He was like a hero growing up and his friends loved that he was pretty famous (local and national shows) the girks adored him as his body is amazing.
He's also a fantastic street and tap dancer as most people who study dance do many disciplines not just ballet.
He has a pretty nice life now and has had some amazing experiences.
Has a gf and ds himself now too.
I'm very glad I sent him to ballet.

Ledkr · 17/05/2014 19:14

Anyone who thinks Balket is for girks look on you tube at my friends ballet "torsion" or any if the ballet boys videos. Matthew bournes dancers are like gods!

WaitingForMe · 17/05/2014 19:33

I find your attitude quite sad SuperSophie. My DS is only tiny but I'm thinking about dance classes because as soon as any music comes on he starts moving and it utterly joyful. I think he'd love ballet so I'm thinking of sending him. Surely that's how we should choose activities for our kids - the things we think they'll enjoy.

I have my RAF marksman and learnt to fly a glider as a cadet in my teens. I was the only girl in my squadron. A friends parent took my dad to one side and said he was worried I'd get a reputation for being a slut as I only hung out with boys. My dad explained to me that the benefit of living according to your own values was that could needn't worry about the small stupid people.

The day my kids limit their options due to the likes of idiots is the day I fail as a parent.

SuperSophie · 17/05/2014 19:53

"The day my kids limit their options due to the likes of idiots is the day I fail as a parent."

No, that day is already long gone.

WaitingForMe · 17/05/2014 20:02

Well now the pressure is off I'll go the whole nine yards and put DS in a tutu Wink

Aspiringhuman · 17/05/2014 20:07

Great idea sophie let's teach our dc to make decisions based on what will keep the bigots happy. That's what my Mum did to me, drummed it into me that must always do what other people think I should do, put their needs and wants above all else. Do you know what? I've spent my life failing miserably because not even bigots can agree on what the right thing is. It's been so drummed into me it's a hard mindset to get out of. I still get irresistible urge to punish myself for my failings. This is not what I want for my dc.

ChameleonCircuit · 17/05/2014 20:11

Ledkr, I was just going to suggest checking out Matthew Bournes Swans!

Ledkr · 17/05/2014 20:21

Amazing isnt it? Sleeping beauty is even better with its gothic element.
My son is super handsome and super fit.
Are you not going to encourage your children to step outside the box at all?

ALMOSTMRSG · 17/05/2014 20:28

My Dd Has gone to ballet class since she was 4, nearly 10 years, taught throughout by a fantastic male ballet teacher.

Was also going to mention Mathew Borne's Swan Lake too, which is absolutely fabulous.

IceBeing · 17/05/2014 21:48

50 years ago it was out there for women to work post marriage/childbirth. How did we get to the place we are in now where women are likely to return to professional work after kids?

Was it by following the supersophie mantra of 'no no no don't do it someone might pick on you for it' or by getting out there and standing up for our right to work how we want to with no reference to sexist bigots?

Dance and football will one day be gender neutral activities that anyone can take part in if they like to, and it will be because of people like the OP supporting their DC and changing the world for the better in spite of the efforts of the supersophies of the world fighting to preserve sexism.

Pregnantagain7 · 17/05/2014 21:58

Your sil is ridiculous! My 9 yr old dd is taking her blue belt grading in jujitsu next week has been doing it since she was 5.
She can defend herself against boys bigger than her and have them pinned to the floor in a couple of minutes if they try to attack.
I'm so proud of her and how well she's done at it:)

ArcherAnguish · 17/05/2014 22:40

DS2 (7) loves his ballet class, the sad thing is that he won't let his friends know that he does it. DS3 (4) started last week and seems to be enjoying it so far too.