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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed with DS's dad for not being as excited as I am about his first steps?

6 replies

crimson54 · 17/05/2014 01:05

After many, many weeks of feeling up the furniture DS finally plucked up the courage to take ten, yes ten, steps in a row on Thursday. As you can imagine I was (and still am) incredibly excited and proud.

He did it again a few minutes later and this time I managed to catch it on film, upload it to a shared cloud folder so his dad could see it as soon as possible, and let him know via text (wasn't going to ring while he was working) that his kid's reached what I consider to be possibly biggest milestones of his life so far.

Midnight on Friday and still no reply. Not even the tiniest acknowledgement or indication that he cares let alone bothering to look at the shared video. I find this quite strange as he's generally a good dad and we communicate well without any animosity whatsoever.

For a bit of background, we're not together nor do either of us want to be with eachother. We weren't even together when I found out I was pregnant and I asked him to walk away but he wanted to be involved.

DS spends a full day with him and his family once a week, occasionally with me there as it's nice for DS to see us all as HIS family rather than thinking he has two completely separate families. Have offered for him to be involved more but work seems to take up a lot of his time/seeing friends/generally being a normal guy in his mid-twenties, which is fair enough. He really is a great dad who loves DS very much and who DS quite clearly loves too, but sometimes, like this example, or when I've asked him to share photos, or sponsor DS for the Tommy's Sensathon, he can blow hot and cold which I could understand if it were about me but I worry that this is setting a bad precedent for the future.

Granted that it's probably a pretty busy week at work but AIBU in thinking that his child's first steps should trump everything else? And that both of us being DS's parents this should be something we can both share some happiness about without it being weird or any lines being crossed?

Or am I just being insensitive and maybe he feels bad that he missed out on it and that's why he hasn't bothered to say anything?

Either way he's having DS overnight on Sunday as I'm on a trip so would be nice if you guys could help me rationalise my annoyance so I don't end up making stupid, irrational and unnecessary digs at him when checking in on DS just because he's pissed me off.

(Sorry - that turned out to be longer than anticipated!)

OP posts:
msmoss · 17/05/2014 01:09

Can you tell if he's watched the video? Maybe he's seen it and doesn't feel the need to talk to you about it. Maybe he's out and doesn't have enough mobile reception.

crimson54 · 17/05/2014 01:13

Can tell as it's on Dropbox so he'd need to have accepted the shared folder to see anything in it.

Every other milestone, rolling over, crawling etc we've had a laugh about together. That's why I find it a bit weird.

OP posts:
AngelBaker · 17/05/2014 01:15

My OH who lives with us used to get ridiculously upset when he missed first things, it got to the point that I wouldn't tell him them and just wait for him to see them for himself. Although he had no problem rubbing it in my face that I had just missed the most awesome thing baby had ever done!!
He's probably just upset it didn't happen with him. Not really sure how you can help with this, but I think he'll probably be better once he's seen it for himself, a video isn't very special for a first time daddy!

crimson54 · 17/05/2014 02:05

Think your spot on AngelBaker. Know exactly what you mean - missed the first time he started sucking his toe at ours as I was helping my dad with something, then he did it at his dad's who then decided to show me a nice long video of it. Cried in the kitchen while getting his milk ready.

There are quite a few things I've let him genuinely believe he's seen first (though he'll have a shocker when he actually looks through DS's red book!) Had four different members of his family tell me on Monday about a new sound DS made...which he actually did for the first time 4 months ago!

Totally understand why he would be upset, and that a video by no means would make up for it, but he'd have been just as annoyed if I hadn't told him. Bit of a lose/lose situation I guess. Hopefully DS'll do it again on Sunday/Monday or daddy'll get REALLY stroppy.

(On a side note, so nice to have a place to unload.)

OP posts:
fairylightsintheloft · 17/05/2014 06:49

sorry but personally I think YABU. Not everyone marks these "milestones" in such a significant way. I know roughly when my DS started walking but not to the exact week or day and I only know DD because she did it on her birthday. Its not that huge a deal to me have the exact precise moment marked down and maybe your son's father is the same. It doesn't make him a bad parent. Also, as you aren't together, is there a chance that he was out with someone else after work and didn't want to contact you at that time? Either way, if you are going to get this upset or invested in every "milestone" you'll be exhausted by the time your DS is 5 - ease up a little.

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 17/05/2014 06:54

You cried when your baby sucked his toe for the first time? I think yabvu. Not everything your baby does is a milestone worthy of celebration. Walking yes it's a big thing i suppose, but most babies do walk at some point.maybe ds dad will be more excited when he sees ds do it in person. He doesn't have to show any excitement to you and it sounds like youre still very involved in his life.

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