to want him to help out around the house??

[sniffle12]

My partner does no housework. There are two factors which made me not mind this so much for the first few years of our relationship, namely:

• He's perfect in every other way. My previous relationship bordered on abusive; now I'm with somebody who truly values me, makes me laugh, makes every day a pleasure, does kind things for me all the time (the only exception being housework) I'm so happy that I've never wanted to look like I'm complaining he's not 100% perfect when I feel like I've got 90%...
• When we first met he worked full-time and I was a student so it made sense as I had more time on my hands.

Now fast forward two years and I'm working full time in a job where I don't get home till 6 and he has gone back to uni and often only has to attend 3 days a week. But though I try to subtly bring it up he doesn't really help out and actually creates a mess during the day that I then come home to.

I know this sounds to a bystander like I'm being taken for a ride but he really is very caring and doesn't at all have a 'women in the kitchen' attitude.. I think he has just been used in his childhood to having everything done for him and I've never really brought the issue up. But I don't think it's fair on me anymore and I'd like to broach the issue. How can I best bring it up and tell him I need help?

Its not 'help', as it not your job, its a fair share.

Write down a list of everything you do daily, weekly and monthly, and ask him what he'd consider a fair split.

If he does DIY/lawn mowing more than you, be prepared to do your bit with those too. This is much fairer than trading off you doing dishes for him doing painting etc.

He obviously does have a women in the kitchen attitude. Actions speak louder than words. What does he say when you speak to him about it?

You don't need help, you need him to behave like an adult with shared responsibility for looking after your home. Why can't you tell him to just stop being such a lazy arse and pull his weight? What are you scared of?

Actually bring up the subject and then write the list.

Also be prepared to compromise on acceptable levels of mess - if he is going to get involved in cleaning, it helps if he has some sort of ownership. If he thinks the bathroom only needs cleaning fortnightly, try it for a while. My DH asked me to write a list, which I did, then we went through it. He went into 'problem solving' mode and started with ideas to cut down the amount of work, which was actually a really good idea. So we trimmed it down to absolute bare minimum, and then divided up the jobs.

Stop being subtle sit him down and have a conversation about him pulling his weight. I presume he lives there too so it's as much his responsibility to clean the mess he helps to make as it is yours.

Well to be fair if you never actually mention how much it annoys you then he's probably oblivious to it.

Sit him down and tell him he needs to pull his finger out of his arse with housework. Divide between the 2 of you what jobs you'll each do and jobs a good un.

It only takes a simple conversation sometimes.

Agree that you need to bring it up now. You might be tired, but managing now, but if you look into the future, presuming you want to stay with him, the workload is only going to get worse if you get promoted, work longer hours, have children, get older. If he doesn't contribute now when it's 'easy' he's not going to muck in when it's hard.

A list (include EVERYTHING, even tiny things like changing loo roll, sorting recycling, if he doesn't do that)is a good way of presenting it so he can't ignore or gloss over it.