To consider making a complaint or at least mentioning it

[CiderLover]

I came out as gay in my work place about 3 weeks ago (I have been openly gay for many many years outside the workplace) and everyone has been great.

There is one girl, lets call her Jane, who has been on maternity leave for the last 10 months or so, she has always been a bit of a wild one. Crossing the line, being very cheeeky sometimes on the very edge of being nasty. In fact one guyleft because of her bullying him (being intimidating and constantly winding him up). She never faced any action as is very very close to the manager.

Anyway, me and jane often have a bit of banter and chat on FB.

Last night I was chatting to her and she said something along the lines of "Guess what my sons first word is?" I replied with various words after which she kept saying NO

I said well tell me then and she replied with this:

"the first word was No you fanny fucker"
Me: "harsh"
Her: "You know me, I only speak the truth darling, night night x"

It sounded quite intimidating, or am I being sensitive? I am actually worried about her returning next week as I dont want her to highlight my sexuality and make me feel uncomfortable. She also said "dont try necking with me when I come back to work now".

I'm feeling on edge. If I mention it to manager it will get back to her which will just escalate it all.

Any suggestions or AIBU to accuse her of being nasty, perhaps just a joke?

I really think that she was trying to show you that she is 'cool' with your 'coming out'. I say this because I have a lot of this so called humour directed at me about a different issue by people who want to show that they are 'so right on' with 'modern' issues.
I don't think this is bullying exactly, just ignorance. I would have a quiet word with her and say you didn't know how to take it, if she responds in a way that you are not happy with then I would go to HR.

What has it got to do with work and why should they get involved in private facebook messages ?. If you dont like what she says then tell her.

Yeah perhaps you are right, at least I hope so.

I think I will play it by ear, I just didn't want it to put a downer on my holiday this weekend. I think I may be overreacting.

Just worried it will get worse, she wasn't too bad before maternity leave but not great either

Could it be a typo? was she supposed to say 'funny fucker'?

The thing is it's outside of work. Not much they can do. Play it by ear, see what happens at work.

That's a very good point Cats....

Yeah you're right, we've never not got on, I just know what she's capable of I guess.

Such a worry wart!