To think it's no-ones business whether I drink or not?

[HaveAGander]

I'm perfectly capable of going on a night out and having fun without getting drunk. I'm not the boring sanctimonious type who preaches this fact to all and sundry, I simply get on with what I choose to do.

Why then, just because they notice I'm holding a J2o or a bottle of water, do some people feel the need to question over and over why I'm not drinking??

Now I could understand if I was sitting in a corner all night being boring and they were trying to get me to loosen up, or something like that, but that's not the case! I socialise, laugh, dance and generally have a good time, just like everyone else, in fact I have more fun than when I used to drink simply because of the knowledge that I wont be suffering from a huge hangover the next day!

The last time I went out I had to keep explaining to various people why I wasn't drinking (why do I have to explain my choices?!) and insist over and over that yes, I was sure I didn't want a drink. One of them then actually went and bought me a glass of wine! Which I felt compelled to drink because I didn't want them to think I was an ungrateful twat! Ffs.

Why do people do this? Is it so hard to believe that someone can be out, GENUINELY having fun without drinking??

I get this too. Don't really understand it myself. I often don't drink when I go out - sometimes I'm driving, but more often than not it's because it gives me headaches and I'd rather not have a poor night's sleep and a headache the next day for the sake of a couple of glasses of wine.

Maybe they think you can't afford it, or something like that?

Do the same people try to get you to eat something you say no to, e.g. pudding in a restaurant or chocolates if they are being passed round?

YANBU at all

I get the same when I go for a meal sometimes and don't order anything for dessert...people banging on and on about how 'good' I am or assuming I'm on a diet. "Oh go on Worry, a little bit won't hurt - treat yourself".

I just don't get hungry for afters, straight after eating a meal but from their reaction, you'd think I was the anti-christ.

Never had that problem with alcohol mind, as I do like a glass of wine

Worry?? I meant Worra

Christ, I can't even spell my own NN

I rarely go out but used to get that on the nights I chose not to drink. Ended up lying and saying that my water was actually g&t just to keep people off my back.

just ignore them .I have never drunk .just never fancied it to be honest .don,t like the thought of not being in control of my senses .but if I had a pound for everytime someone has asked .are you madly religious then?..i love going to pop concerts I loved the nightclubs in my youth .I don,t think I am a bore .

No, I don't really get the same attitude with food, they seem able to accept that easily for some reason!

I could understand their attitude if they genuinely thought I couldn't afford it but tbh, non-alcoholic drinks when you're out are just as expensive, so can't se it being that.

I also make it perfectly clear (when they interrogate me about it) that I Do. Not. Like. Drinking. Alcohol. It makes me feel dehydrated and I can't have fun knowing I'm going to wake up tired, spotty and with a hangover.

I just don't understand why some people think it's their right to question other people's lifestyle choices. As long as I'm not harming anyone, why do people even care?

But, apart from the drink thing, about which you are totally NBU, if you feel like sitting in a corner, watching the world go by or turning something over in your mind for an evening, why should you 'loosen up'?

Oh don't get me wrong, I think they would still be out of order if that was the case, but at least I'd be able to understand the thought process behind being so nosy and pushy IYSWIM.

YANBU and from personal experience having travelled extensively I would say it's a uniquely British attitude to be suspicious of someone who doesn't drink alcohol.

I don't understand it either. I used to work with someone who didn't drink and colleagues would try to slip vodka into his drink because apparently he wouldn't notice. These were honest respectable people, allegedly.

My PILs aways try to force desserts on me and I've developed a standard "I don't want to eat x but you carry on" response. I do actually eat desert and drink alcohol, just not always.

YANBU OP, it really is no one else's business.

I get this too, I find not drinking to be less socially acceptable than getting hammered! People think you're weird because you don't drink and presume you're a recovering alcoholic. They can't comprehend that you made a lifestyle choice to cut out alcohol. You really notice how much a part of our culture alcohol is, strangers will tell you to go and have a nice glass of wine etc. YANBU

I had to give up alcohol about 15 years ago because I became allergic to it - I would go bright red and my face would swell. At least that means that when I say I don't want anything alcoholic people believe me.

Maybe if you say you can't having anything alcoholic because of medical grounds they would be believe you particularly if you do have a bad reaction the following day.

I enjoy a drink and have a close friend who rarely drinks as it doesn't really agree with her and she sometimes ends up being very sick with a relatively small amount. But to answer your question OP, I think it might be that if YOU are not drinking it can sometimes make drinkers feel awkward and self concscious about their own consumption. It also makes me very self aware about doing that "you're ma besht mate" guff and repeating myself a lot which I'm wont to do when a tad merry. I just worry that I'm getting on her nerves or boring her. She says "no" but I do feel a bit self conscious about it.

Could it be that it is just a conversation starter?

I'll often ask 'what are you drinking?' To someone at a bar.

There are far too many people about who think you can't be "sociable" unless you've got a treble vodka in your hand. Getting plastered is part of British culture. Even the Romans complained of it, so not much has changed.

Posing as a recovering alcoholic should sort matters. Or telling them that you find drunk people terminally boring and embarrassing.

Some people are basically incapable of minding their own business. I think that's the biggest problem.

night out without booze

I never ever find this.

I have the odd month or so when I take a break from drinking, otherwise drink normally or more than normal. My social circle don't give two hoots. Whether I ask for a glass of wine or lime & soda no one bats an eyelid or questions it.

I am always, always baffled by these mn threads. It is just not a world I recognise.

I get it with the pudding thing as well.

I just don't have a sweet tooth or a massive appetite.

Because I'm on the smaller side, I get all sorts of nonsense about dieting, needing meat on my bones, "get some cheesecake down you" etc, etc.

I just don't want dessert!!!!

It's very annoying. When DH goes out with his child-free friends, who can happily get as hammered as they like and would think it odd for someone not to drink, he has tonic water & passes it off as a g&t. Nobody has ever noticed or commented.

They're all grad students, so they don't go in for rounds.

yanbu it's sad that we would question why people don't drink instead of questioning why people do drink. It's because as society we have normalised unhealthy drinking.

It is unwise of folk to be rude when you are holding a bottle. I would be tempted to empty it down their neck