Was IBU to have asked her to have DD overnight?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is 12/13 and in the national squad for a competetive sport, she has her first national comp about 3 hours away in a few weeks and is very nervous. Her coach has advised we go and stay down the night before as it will kick off early.
DD2 is 6 and whilst lovely a bit of a madam and they do not get on AT ALL.
I am a single parent, my XH is a bit of an arse, and works away. I do have friends locally, but my family are all away and woudnt be able to help.
XH's girlfriend is the XOW, and they have a DD who is 5 months older than my DD2 (yes it was very messy). At the time it was a nightmare and GF and I obviously had some drama.
However, 6 years later, the children all get on, her DD has SEN and my DD2 is a bit of her protector, they adore each other. GF/OW and I get on ok, we chat and are perfectly civil now, after all our DD's are sisters. I feel sorry for her because she is stuck with XH and I am free of him
Anyway I asked if she would have DD2 overnight the night before and the day of the comp, she has had DD2 before for the day when XH is away. I have no worries she will look after her well and the girls will have a ball.
My friends and family are absolutely horrified that I asked her, though none of them were jumping in to help. Did I do wrong?? I find it so hard to ask for help at the best of times, this seemed as close to family looking after her as I was going to get. Is it odd??

I think it sounds fine and, actually, you are pretty amazing for putting your children's needs and feelings before your own hurt at her role in the end of your relationship. Your family sound a bit protective of you but you can always tell them that Mandela was able to forgive and so are you.

Totally reasonable in my view.
As you say, none of your friends and family were offering.
You know best who you feel you can trust to look after your DD.
Technically she is your DD's stepmother.

Why would they be horrified. The girls are sisters and get on and its not as if its a stranger. Well done for dealing with what must have been a load of shit and coming out of it with kids that can accept each other.

Absolutely nothing wrong with it. I think you probably don't see her as the ow so much now, but more of your dds sisters mother. You know she will be in good hands, you both have a good relationship so it sounds all fine. Hope she said yes

Thanks, far from amazing, I was miserable, bitter and angry for a very long time. Then I realised I didnt want to live like that, didnt want my children to see that was a way to live, and realised I was being angry at the wrong person. Moved on and much happier all round for it!

Exactly, she isnt the OW anymore, she is their "stepmother", and their sister's mother. She is actually lovely and I suspect taken in by XH even more than I was, and now she is stuck with him. She is/was a lot younger than us.

Not odd at all. It's admirable.

I'm very proud of my DH (never the OM) and my ex for getting along so well, it makes life so much nicer, especially for the dc.

yanbu

Yanbu, good for you.

I thought you were going to say she'd reacted badly to being asked!

Other people? Stuff 'em. If you, she and your daughters are happy with it then what's it got to do with anyone else.

I think its really easy for others in your family and friends to judge when none of them are actually then offering to do this for you. being a single parent is hard because of situations like this. I think you have behaved like a grown up, you have a problem there is a solution and you are doing it. I think it is fantastic that you get on so well with the OW/stepMum. why shouldn't you. things have moved on. hope the competition goes well.

I used to practice family law and how I wish all my clients, male and female, were as reasonable as you and XOW - even though it would have put me out of work.

As for those who don't approve, ask yourself what goes with Gomorrah and you have the answer.

Sounds like an excellent idea to me ,its a pity more people can't behave in such a civilised manner and I'm sure its beneficial to your children .

She is ok with it? If so, why would anyone else have a problem?

You sound like a very sense able woman.

As for anyone expressing horror, just answe with 'ok what time shall I drop DD2 of to you at?'

I don't see the problem. You obviously are all in a better place now and your Dds love each other. If they were so concerned they should have offered to help.

Dsd's mum has babysat for mine and Dh children on a couple of occasions, she's also had them to stay over once. I would do the same for her younger children if she asked and I have offered but the need has never arisen. We aren't best friends but we certainly get on fine, she is my children's sister's mum, she knows the children well and I trust her to look after them, I don't see the problem. Ps I wasn't the ow, dh and her were over years before he met me.

How refreshing to read a mature reaction to what has to have been difficult for everyone.

YANBU and anyone who said anything about it should be asked if they were offering to help and what the problem is with a stepmother figure looking after her step daughter.

good on you. you're doing what's right for your kids.

Yanbu at all. And good luck to your dd.

Thanks all, you are being too kind. At the time, I must admit neither me nor her covered ourselves with glory. We both behaved badly. But we were both badly manipulated and treated by XH, I can see that now with the benefit of hindsight and maturity. I could not at the time, and it took a long time to reach here. We will never be best mates but we are perfectly fine and civil, and I trust her to have DD2 (actually more than I trust XH).
But I glad to hear the IANBU's, because I did wonder if I had been after speaking to my family and friends.