To still feel hurt by this six months on?

[ballinacup]

DH and I got married in December. It was a lovely day, but relatively low key and low cost as we financed it ourselves.

We received some lovely, truly heartfelt gifts from our guests, which was very generous and lovely of them, and we were very grateful.

However, PIL didn't get us anything. It's not about demanding a gift. It just would have been nice to receive a tiny token we could keep and look back on. I suppose it rankles as they paid in full for SIL's 20k+ wedding.

Just for clarity, I didn't want them to pay for our wedding, and I didn't want an extravagant gift. A nice Christmas decoration would have been lovely, given the time of year, just something we could associate with them and our wedding. AIBU?

YANBU.
I completely get you don't feel like you deserve some wonderful gift of your wedding paying for and I get why you feel unhappy.
I imagine it'd be less significant if it was a member of family you were distantly related to and don't see often but it's the parents of your husband!
For me I'd feel a little offended like they didn't approve of the wedding, I think it's odd they didn't even get you a token gift

YANBU. For me it wouldn't be about the gift, but the reasoning involved in not getting you one. Seems like they either were totally thoughtless or deliberately didn't get one, which says quite a lot.

What is your relationship normally like with them?

Did they get you Christmas gifts?

have you mentioned it to them?

Maybe they are thinking you are rude for not thanking them when the gift has been lost?

My DB and his wife didn't get me and DH a wedding present.

He's my younger favourite brother and I do an awful lot for them childcare wise. I was and still am hurt a little that they simply couldn't be fucking arsed to get us something and we've been married nearly 3 years.

So no, YANBU

This is the weird thing, I get along really well with them all. The gift definitely wasn't lost, we sent thank you cards thanking them for coming and they've never mentioned a gift, MIL isn't backwards in coming forwards about these things and would have mentioned it for sure.

YANBU AT ALL. I think that's pretty weird, and I'd be wondering why. What does your DH think? And what is his relationship with them normally?

Surely your husband must have an idea why his parents didn't come up with a wedding present.

If he has no idea, he should ask them directly.

Unless, of course, they gave him an envelope full of cash and he blew the lot on stag night lapdancers?

Some people are funny about gifts, perhaps they were making a point about the groom's side not being responsible for any wedding costs?

Pil offered dh and I 2k toward our honeymoon, step mil later said that money had been part of dh's parents' shares from their mortgage and dh's mum had refused to sign them over to dh's dad unless they went to dh.

Fil then sat at our wedding boasting of giving us 2k towards honeymoon and saying he wished he'd had as much for a holiday. Step mil was mortified I think, but they didn't buy us a wedding present so I think they thought groom's side didn't contribute to weddings but honeymoon was OK.

DH just shrugs when I mention it to him. Perhaps the envelope of cash is an option, although I'm sure MIL would have said something after receiving her thank you card!

I get that Coffee, but surely they'd have bought a token present regardless? That's not considered part of the wedding costs, is it?

It is weird. Doesn't add up. I think you need to ask your MiL why, because it doesn't make any sense in the context of a good relationship.

They paid if full for 20K+ wedding for your SIL, but didn't get you and your H even a small gift?

I think they obviously are trying to tell you something.

Have you upset them?

I understand why you are upset: it's not about the gift, it's about the inequality. To treat two children so differently is very odd. I echo what Squisstirfry says: do you get on with them? Have you had any upsets? I'm surprised your DH isn't more bothered.

Squid, not squis!

My ex-PIL didn't come to my wedding as ex-MIL was going to be there and she would have caused a scene.

He later gave my now-ex £500 as a wedding present which ex didn't mention to me but stashed it in his bank account as it was from his dad.

The presents my parents gave we both used. Mind you ex had odd ideas about presents as he would never give a present to our daughter from both of us; he would wait until I had bought, paid for and wrapped one up and then go out and spend twice as much on something else but only from him.

YANBU to be hurt but have you never asked them why they did it? You say MIL is not backwards at coming forwards... maybe she'd respond to some straight talking rather than everyone saying nothing and seething for the next 20 years?

I got married 6 years ago and it still upsets me that my parents didn't even buy me a card. (They didn't contribute either) I am very close to my mum and family and it was just IMO thoughtless. She did organise a dinner party for when we got home from honeymoon though but it was with her friends and all I wanted to do was go homes and sleep.

Bil and sil didn't get us anything.

Still don't understand why to be honest. It seems odd when something tiny would have at least acknowledged the situation.

In not hurt but I do still wonder slightly.

Pils paid for their accommodation so it cost them nothing at all to come.

So yanbu but seems to be quite common. Weddings make people weird.

DH just shrugs when I mention it to him

I can't imagine being married to a man who wouldn't discuss something as basic as this.

Like others, I can't help thinking there is more to this story than meets the eye.

something fishy going on here methinks

it just does not add up for them to be so stingy towards you when there is no bad feeling, and it also does not add up for your DH to just shrug it off.

It is NOT normal for parents who attend a wedding of their child to not give some sort of gift, however small, to mark the occasion. Are you absolutely certain they did not give DH cash towards the wedding/honeymoon?

I have a good relationship with both mine and DHs parents and they didn't get us anything. Nor did my DB, or sil and bil.

Or my maid of honour.

I didn't realise it wasn't normal...I don't know why it didn't occur to me. Hmm, I'm starting to feel hurt now! I don't know if you're being unreasonable or not, tbh. I must admit I bought immediate family didn't 'do' gifts if they'd contributed (DHs parents did give us some money towards the wedding, so in fairness to them, that was probably in lieu of a wedding present, and rightly so).

My dad and sm did get me a cheeseboard though, which was very nice with posh engraving.

My PILs didn't either! I get on well with them. They contributed about £800 towards the cost of the wedding, does that count as a gift? My parents paid for the whole
Reception (about £6k!) but my mum still got us lovely thoughtful little gifts - a set of suitcase padlocks with pictures of hearts on, to take on our honeymoon, and a little wooden plaque style thing with a nice quote on to hang on the wall. Neither would've been expensive (unlike the reception!) but it was so thoughtful and lovely. Come to think of it PILs didn't even give us a card!

If the parents paid towards the wedding then fair enough, that's their present, but to contribute nadda and give no gift is just plain weird and definitely has a story behind it.

Is this your DH's first marriage? No offence, just that my friend's PIL didn't give her and her dh a wedding present as he had been married before and they had spent rather a lot on his first wedding. (They also didn't attend engagement party and stag/hen nights as they had 'been there, done that')