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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit weird and embarrassed now we've got a cleaner?

34 replies

ScaredToBeHonest · 16/05/2014 11:29

I've just started back to work after maternity leave. I'm self employed and work from home most of the time. I'd done all the cleaning whilst on maternity leave so that my husband could spend time with DS when he was at home - he works long hours so doesn't see him much during the week.

Now I'm back working, I don't want us to have to spend what precious free time we have doing the cleaning, rather than with DS. So we decided to get a cleaner to come in for a couple of hours once a week. He's been here 20 minutes and has made a start.

I found it really awkward when he arrived, I felt really embarrassed telling him what things I wanted doing. I was almost apologetic and he said "you're the boss, whatever you want doing" I'd already gone round the house this morning tidying everything up and cleaning the loo and kitchen surfaces before he arrived as I didn't want him to think we were scruffy buggers!

I'm now upstairs in my office keeping out of his way I'm supposed to be working but am obviously MNing I'm cringing with embarrassment that someone is downstairs doing my cleaning.

OP posts:
Theodorous · 16/05/2014 11:33

I have no problem with it. Why would you? As part of my overseas package I have a live in and daily gardener. Apart from physically stopping them from clearing up do shit in the garden (that is not on in my book) I leave them to it. I do my job they do theirs. I think it's a British thing, never encountered this angst elsewhere

Hassled · 16/05/2014 11:34

I've been considering a cleaner recently - but think I'd feel exactly as you do re general embarrassment etc. and would be cleaning like a nutter before they arrived.

I suppose the solution is to make sure you never overlap and are always out when the cleaners in - then you can write overly polite notes saying "if it's not too much trouble, could you possibly go over the windowsills?".

Mintyy · 16/05/2014 11:38

I hear what you are saying. Our cleaner has been on holiday for the past two weeks and its almost like a relief! Grin.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/05/2014 11:40

I am a cleaner. I had one client who would walk into a room while i was cleaning and say "oh, leave that. I'll do that" but he did it with pretty much everything he saw me doing. Like dishes or dusting or cleaning the shower. He was so apologetic and seeme to think i was doing too much or something. It got to the point where i had to remind him what i was actually there for! And we had a good laugh and he realised that yes, he was paying me to do this stuff.

OP please dont feel embarrassed and i cant stress this enough DONT FEEL YOU HAVE TO CLEAN BEFORE HE COMES. Honestly he will not judge you.

CMOTDibbler · 16/05/2014 11:42

I'm not embarrassed when the plumber come, or I take the car to be serviced, so don't get embarrassed when I outsource cleaning.

And, FWIW, my cleaner says 'you hate cleaning, I love it. You pay me, I get work. You have more free time, I have a job that is flexible and suits me - whats so wrong about this?' I love her - she's a year older than me and a granny twice over and has been with us nearly 4 years, and is like one of our family. But much better.

YoniMitchell · 16/05/2014 11:42

I know what you mean Scared, I'm on mat leave at the moment with a Velcro baby so cleaning was always left to when my DH got home, which meant it felt like we had no time as a family to just enjoy life (plus I was knackered!).

When our cleaner comes I feel like a lazy cow so try to be out of the house so I don't feel like I'm swanning around while someone else cleans up our mess!

When she first started I really felt like she was judging me (she wasn't!) and I was all apologetic about asking her to do specific tasks, even simple things like 'please can you remember to dust the shelves before you put things back on them' or 'please can you also vacuum the floor around the rugs too, not just the rugs?

I was clearly a skivvy in a previous life as directing a cleaner doesn't come naturally to me! Blush

WilsonFrickett · 16/05/2014 11:42

I work from home and usually busy myself in the office when my cleaner is in, because otherwise it will seem like I'm following her around, but honestly, there's nothing to feel weird about. You are paying people for a service. That is all.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 16/05/2014 11:43

I know what you mean. I apologised to mine the other morning for being in bed (am on ML with a newborn).

WipsGlitter · 16/05/2014 11:44

I don't mind having a cleaner, but don't like sitting there like Lady Muck when they are actually doing it. Don't clean for them coming but do tidy up!

revolutionarytoad · 16/05/2014 11:46

Presumably you'd be fine about hiring an accountant, a lawyer, an agent or a detective & so on to perform a service for you. Yeah, they're specialised services but still.....same thing really.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 16/05/2014 11:49

Many years on, I still prefer to be/go out when cleaners come. I leave an envelop with payment, and write any extra jobs on that.

I do a clear around before they come, so they can concentrate on cleaning.

msmoss · 16/05/2014 11:51

It's quite normal to feel a bit awkward at first but you'll get used to, I nearly always go out when the cleaner is round though, mainly because my house is too small to hide in though Smile

I do tidy but not clean before she comes though just because I'd rather she cleaned than tidied and we use having a cleaner as a way of making sure we tidy up IYSWIM.

Treeceratops · 16/05/2014 11:59

You're each doing the jobs you're paid for, so why be embarrassed? We got a cleaner as DH is useless at recognising that cleaning needs doing and I was fed up of reminding him to do his share. We kept her on now I'm a SAHM. It means I can spend more time with DS (who's not the best at occupying himself) and we have proper family time at weekends.

Gennz · 16/05/2014 12:00

I have a cleaner OP, she is fab and as DH and I work full time it means we're not constantly playing catch up. I do hate being there when she cleans in fact I had to come home early last week because I was sick and parked a block away until I saw her leave

Treeceratops · 16/05/2014 12:03

And I second the comments about tidying up first and being out of the way.

Parker231 · 16/05/2014 12:08

We've had a cleaner for years and the easiest way I have found to manage it is to tidy up before they come (they can't clean if the floor is covered in stuff) and prepare a schedule as to what you want doing - some are weekly tasks ie floors, bathrooms, kitchen surfaces, other are done in rotation - wooden blinds, windows and others less frequently - oven, curtains. It's seems to work this way for us. Sometimes we're in when the cleaner is there (more so the last couple of years due to DT's being on study leave from school) other times the house is empty for her and we leave notes for each other.

ClashCityRocker · 16/05/2014 12:09

We had a cleaner briefly.

I spent more time cleaning before she came than I ever spent cleaning before! I don't think I can cope very well with other people in the house, even if I'm at work.

That said DMIL and DFIL have had a cleaner for the past few years, and they love her!

Parker231 · 16/05/2014 12:09

We've had a cleaner for years and the easiest way I have found to manage it is to tidy up before they come (they can't clean if the floor is covered in stuff) and prepare a schedule as to what you want doing - some are weekly tasks ie floors, bathrooms, kitchen surfaces, other are done in rotation - wooden blinds, windows and others less frequently - oven, curtains. It's seems to work this way for us. Sometimes we're in when the cleaner is there (more so the last couple of years due to DT's being on study leave from school) other times the house is empty for her and we leave notes for each other.

NearTheWindymill · 16/05/2014 12:11

Why, what is there to be embarrassed about? You are paying someone to do a job; if you don't like having a cleaner then do the job yourself.

Mine often comes to do the ironing on a Saturday morning. It doesn't embarrass me at all if she's ironing in the utility room and I'm Mnetting in the kitchen. She knows I work full-time and am very busy; and even if that wasn't the case she is paid to do a job, for which I am very grateful, and it is a non issue.

Original poster
ScaredToBeHonest · 16/05/2014 12:31

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who finds it a bit strange in the beginning. I know it's ridiculous to feel like this because I've hired decorators etc before without feeling embarrassed. I'm sure I'll get used to it as soon as I come out of the office and discover the house is all shiny and clean! particularly as we have people round for a BBQ tomorrow and it will be fabulous not to have to clean the house beforehand.

Unfortunately I can't go out and about when he's here because I work from home but I've shut me and the dog in the office instead so I'm trying to pretend he's not here.

WindyMill - I don't know if I like having a cleaner or not because I'm only 90 minutes into ever having had one! If I find I can't get over my embarrassment which is pretty unlikely I will go back to doing it myself, and making sure DH does his share too.

OP posts:
KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn · 16/05/2014 13:10

Surely you give the loo a clean before the cleaner comes though? No one Should have to clean your skidders!

MrsRuffdiamond · 16/05/2014 13:14

Honestly he will not judge you.

Hmm Grin

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/05/2014 13:28

Why is that funny? (and way to reassure OP btw)

Original poster
ScaredToBeHonest · 16/05/2014 13:36

I probably haven't helped myself really because before 3 potential cleaners came round to see the house to give a quote, I cleaned the house from top to bottom first because I didn't want them to think we were slovenly. The cleaner who we chose actually commented that he'd never been asked to clean such a tidy house good job he hadn't turned up a few hours earlier

And yes, yes to always cleaning the loo before the cleaner comes round. I would hope everyone does that!

OP posts:
EssexGurl · 16/05/2014 13:40

A friend of mine works from home a lot. If that is when the cleaner is due, she goes off to Costa and works from there. Free wifi. Would something like that be an option? Otherwise - you are at work, so just stay in the study until they leave. I am sure the cleaner would prefer you out the way, too!