AIBU to think that we can just all change our surname?

[AllDirections]

My family is not very nice, seriously not nice. I have to watch our backs and be ready to leave the area at short notice should they seriously threaten our safety. They're all quite local to us but haven't bothered us for quite a few years since they contacted DD1 with the intention of enticing her away to god knows what

We're involved in an activity, me and 3 DDs, age 17, 13 and 7, and this week DD1 set up a blog so that we can record what we do. I wouldn't let her use our surname for the name of the blog because it makes it easy for the DDs to be identified.

DD1 has just suggested that we change our surname to decrease the threat from my family. I think it's a really good idea but 2 questions. Is it a mad idea or could it work? And can my XH prevent DD2 changing her name if that's what she wanted to do? DD2 is coming up 14.

surely if they live locally to you they will be able to find out your new name quite easily from other people? I assume they know where you live? and where your kids attend school? very easy to find out peoples names from casual acquaintances.

I could understand if you were moving out of area, to try to stop them finding you.

Don't know what say your X would have in the matter.

There is no contact with my family at all, not even any mutual contacts. I was careful to ensure that all links were severed after the incident with DD1.

I guess they could investigate and find out where we live or where the DC go to school but they know our surname so they would take notice if it came up.

DD1 doesn't want to be restricted because of them but she understands the risk. Hence coming up with this solution.

When is she 18 as she can change her surname then on her own violation anyway.

Five DD1 is coming up 18 so it's not a problem for her. I just don't know how much of a say DD2 would be allowed at her age.

You can legally change your name at 16. Unfortunately not a lot you can do until then. Your daughter's father has parental responsibility so you would need his permission until then.

I use a different surname online. Could you and your daughter do that?

You can be known by any name you choose - as can your DCs. This "known by" name can be used for school, passport, work - but not sure about child benefit or other government related communications (you wouldn't have to change these anyway as only you would see these communications).

As long as you're not planning to defraud anyone you can call yourself anything you want.

IF you choose to go down the legal name change route, your XH will have to be informed if you were previously married or his name is on the birth certificate. From the age of 12 your DC has a say in their future but most courts will give younger DCs a say too.

PS Rather than living on tenterhooks, you could just move away of your own accord?

I was known as my step father's name after my mum married him. On official documents I hyphenated it and it was never questioned!

The permision requirement can be negated by court order

Thanks everyone, you've provided a few ideas to us to think about.

The best option would be to move and we probably will when there an appropriate gap in the DD's education. The teen DDs don't want to change schools/college but we would move immediately if the threat increased though. It's hard to balance the DDs being settled here against the risk from my family. The risk might not be there anymore but I'll never be able to rest whilst the DDs are still children.