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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I stressed out, I vented now I think I may have been wrong?

19 replies

CiderLover · 15/05/2014 17:14

Myself and my girlfriend are moving in together next week.

She has done nothing but stress and talk about colours for the living room and bedroom, any suggestion I make usually falls on deaf ears, she has become a woman obsessed. Changing her mind, constantly looking on Gumtree and Facebook for bargains, I mean constantly.

Rang me last night at 11pm for over an hour talking about colours.

All day in work I have felt this worked up stress and agitation that I emailed her back (after her stating how undecided she was about a cooker) that I can't think straight through all the questions and stuff.

Am I being a grump?

Can someone help me understand why she is obsessing so much over it? And stressing when she only has to move a few belongings from her dads when I have to move a whole flat full

OP posts:

wonderingsoul · 15/05/2014 17:18

Because she wants it to be perfect. And is also a bit worried about it all... Moving intogether is serious stuff even if your in love and are happy about the choice.

Though I do feel for you to..

Personally. I would tell her you can't handle any more talk tonight /tomorrow. But you will go together to home base.and pick.some.colours at the weekend

Iamnotachewtoy · 15/05/2014 17:19

Well, sounds like she's moving out of home for the first time? No wonder she's excited then.

You do sound a bit of a grump, sorry. On the other hand, I doubt her enthusiasm will keep up in the face of indifference.

Original poster

CiderLover · 15/05/2014 17:27

Third time moving.

Chewtoy you're very right however it's not enthusiasm its always stress and worry. Worrying what oven to get, worrying what paper to get, glossing, so much glossing to do..

OP posts:

Selks · 15/05/2014 17:32

What makes you think the OP is indifferent, Iamnotachewytoy, or are you just having a dig?

Selks · 15/05/2014 17:35

OP, it sounds like a combo of nerves and excitement on her part. If it is truly doing your head in then it's ok to ask her in the nicest possible way to chill a little, but be tactful...reassure her that you are interested and keen also, and do spend time with her thinking and planning, but it's ok to also say that if you think about it all too much it will just make it too stressful.

KoalaFace · 15/05/2014 17:36

Sounds like it's just a personality trait.

DH is a big stresshead and worries over things while I'm laid back and have more of a "we'll sort it out, no need to worry" mentality. I can calm him down and he makes sure everything gets done in a timely fashion.

From my experience when your partner is high maintenance you just need to find a way of "maintaining" them (like Chandler and Monica!).

UnrelatedToElephants · 15/05/2014 17:39

Is it unlivable now? If it's not, I'd say talk about decor when you're in and settled. The move is enough to worry about for now.

If it helps her, in the meantime she can keep a "House" board on pinterest (cough like me) to keep track of ideas and inspiration - but no decisions till you get to know the place.

PosyFossilsShoes · 15/05/2014 18:36

Tell her that she needs to take a chill pill, and tell her while you are still able to say it nicely - don't bottle it up until you explode. How is she going to manage when there is something genuinely worth worrying over?

I couldn't cope with someone like that. As long as our home hasn't actually got black velvet walls or migraine-inducing wallpaper, I don't see the fuss.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 15/05/2014 18:45

I don't think you sound like a grump at all. I'd go mad if someone was bleating in my ear all day about something that I had no interest in whatsoever. I think you should just 'pretend-listen'. Men are good at that aren't they? . Having said that, I'm pretty good at it too. My DS16 talks to me incessently about David Moyes and Ryan Giggs and everything else Manchester United related and I pretend listen all the time. I don't even catch a full sentence... just words, that float away.

DealForTheKids · 15/05/2014 18:49

When I'm going on about something my boyfriend will allocate an hour where we can talk about it and he will properly engage. No pretend listening or 'mms' but one hour of full, undivided attention. Could you suggest that? On the condition that she doesn't badger you about it in the meantime. Surely you can spin as a positive for her? I'd always rather have an hour of proper opinions and problem solving than talking to a wall who doesn't give a damn... She sounds like she's in a bit of a tizz to be honest, sitting down and sorting it once and for all might make her feel less stressed.

Ploppy16 · 15/05/2014 18:53

Oh yes she needs several Pinterest boards to get it out of her system!! Honestly it would drive me mad if it was a constant thing, YANBU.
A board for each room will occupy her for a while.

JonesRipley · 15/05/2014 18:53

Oh God, I obsess about this stuff. Once I make a plan to do something decorative, I can't stop thinking about it.

Be nice though (actually, always be nice). It may be a little bit of displacement activity stemming from moving in with a grump you

JonesRipley · 15/05/2014 18:53

I agree with Deal

I think me and DH actually really enjoy discussing this stuff

Littlef00t · 15/05/2014 19:56

Could it be she is redirecting her stress of moving in together into decorating?

Nomama · 15/05/2014 19:58

Try hard not to spoil her fun. She is trying really hard to make your nest perfect. She is probably truly excited at the opportunity to show you how much it means to her by making it perfect. She is calling you because she loves you and wants your input and hasn't thought that you may be a little less excited about colours than she is.

Make her day, ask her to sit down and discuss a room, a colour, a something, she will think you are great and you will have the pleasure of knowing you didn't pour cold water on her nesting excitement. If you pull that off she will probably think/boast about just how perfect you are

granny24 · 15/05/2014 20:57

Oh dear. I truly sympathise with you. DH describes me (gratefully) as a diesel buyer I just say diesel do! Tell girlfriend you absolutely LOVE surprises and that she should just crack on and surprise you. Then ADORE whatever she choses.I do this with everything bar knickers and it works a treat.

Original poster

CiderLover · 16/05/2014 09:42

Thanks for the great replies. The pinterest board sounds right upp her street so thanks for that!

Please don't think I am not interested in this stuff, It's just that I have moved house so many times and don't find it stresssful (other than packing).

We are going on a romantic break this weekend so have banned all chat about it. I will take her to Homebase tonight to let off some steam then that's it :)

OP posts:

Ploppy16 · 16/05/2014 10:20

I've had to train myself to not do exactly the same thing to DH about Christmas in all honesty..

Chocotrekkie · 16/05/2014 10:24

I do this - I get so scared of the whole big thing I focus on one tiny thing and it becomes my obsession.

Last one was a bag for me to take into hospital when I was having a major op. looking back I was so scared about the whole thing in manifested into finding the right bag.

On the plus side I now have a massive selection of luggage to meet all needs.

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