...to be really upset about this? Bit of a long one...

[notaflamingclue]

First AIBU thread so try and be gentle ladies...

DD, nearly 15 months, has had a hell of a time of it recently with an unexplained limp. This week she has had blood tests, x-rays and an ultrasound and been examined by about 15 different healthcare professionals. She can spot a doctor at 20 paces, white coat or no, and she's been really upset at every examination and test. Happily there is nothing structurally wrong but last night the consultant wanted to repeat her bloods this morning, and for some reason in order to do this they wanted us to stay in over night (remember she's perfectly well in herself, she just has a limp). He was not at all worried about her overall health and felt that the limp was likely to just go of its own accord.

Against my better judgement I agreed to stay overnight and spent over 2 hours trying to settle her to sleep on a very busy surgical ward for children of all ages. We had a teenager, a very unwell (and therefore crying) little girl of about 3 and several youngsters who were having operations either yesterday evening or this morning. The place was like Piccadilly Circus - which I totally understand is unavoidable, but of course meant that DD was totall manic and unable to settle. This after an incredibly stressful day and next to no naps.

She eventually had the inevitable meltdown and I went out to the nurses' station to ask if there was anywhere quieter that I could take her, because she was unable to settle down. The nurse finally looked up at me, gave a funny little laugh and said, "What do you expect me to do about it?".

I was so flabbergasted I must've mumbled a few things like, "She's not even ill; this is ridiculous (in response to her attitude, not necessarily the situation)", to which the reply I got was, "Well that's what the doctor says, I'm just here to do my night shift."

I didn't handle it well at all. I rushed back to the bay as quickly as possible, and said I'd call my partner to come and pick us up, and sat crying to myself waiting for him. When we left the nurses said that they had already informed the team looking after her that we were going and said to me that I had been "very aggressive when I came to speak to them." Not once, in over 2 hours, had they come to check on DD and they seemed to me to display a staggering lack of empathy, given that they are on a paediatric ward and dealing with parents of ill children all day.

I honestly don't think I was aggressive. I was definitely frustrated, worried and upset, but I was not aggressive. I asked for help and they humiliated me, then the nurse and her colleague closed ranks and proceeded to try and gaslight me into thinking I may have been aggressive.

So, AIBU to complain about this? I hope not, because I already have. I hasten to add that DD definitely did not need medical attention overnight and so I know that she did not miss out on any crucial treament.

what do you expect me to do about it?

That is a line, that in itself is rude and abrupt and likely to upset no matter where it is delivered. OP could have been in a shop/office/anywhere pointing out she had a problem and what could she do about it, and it would have still been a rude and unprofessional response.

It's not just limited to the medical profession, so no point in going down the 'oh you can't be rude back if you're a nurse line'. Higher standards are expected as you generally tend to be in these situations when you are feeling vulnerable, unwell and possibly anxious yourself, so it would be nice for someone to go that extra mile and 'take care' of you. But I guess you encounter rude people in all walks.

So, no YANBU to be upset at the way she spoke to you, in your position I would've been out of there too! Hope dd is better soon.

Rhine....... Nurses are human and when someone is rude to you, uou are inclined to be abrupt back.

In the medical field you are trained how to defuse a situation and reassure patients and parents alike.

Jesus Christ.

You asked the nurse a question about the ward and its facilities. It's her fucking JOB to be there to answer questions exactly like that, and if she can't, then she is in the wrong job.

If you are in any doubt about complaining: think of it this way. If you put in a complaint simply recounting exactly what happened, and giving your response to the nurse's claims that you were aggressive, then all you are doing is telling the truth - and you can leave the decision making and the outcome of the complaint to the people whose job it is to deal with them. If they think the nurse acted professionally and appropriately, then fine.

Phew. Thank you. I tried to be as fair as possible in my complaint, and I was very truthful about what I said and how I said it.

As PPs have said, my complaint won't change anything. But it was cathartic to send it anyway.

I find it very difficult to believe the nurse couldn't have suggested something if she could have been arsed to put her brain in gear. Failing all else, point the OP to a quiet corridor in the admin area of the hospital would have helped.

Hi. I know how incredibly stressful these places are and yes it is almost impossible to get any sleep for you or baby! I have had hospital stays with both DDs and they are one of the most frustrating places on earth. Yes the nurse couldn't probably really do anything but a bit of a sympathetic nod and smile always help.

On another note, has DD been seen by an orthopaedic surgeon? My DD2 has hip dysplasia and had a limp (and uneven leg creases) and had a completely dislocated leg. It can be hard to diagnose if not seen my a paediatric orthopaedic surgeon. I'm sure this has been ruled out but just wondering.

Hope all goes better for you now. xx

My DS was in a children's ward recently with a very overtired toddler who wouldn't stop howling, the poor mother got very upset but the nurses were lovely and moved him into a single room so that he could drop off ( and let the rest of us have sme peace).

I did not meet one mean nurse until he was transferred to an adult plastic surgery ward for a skin graft and we then encountered one or two who were less caring. I did end up using a " forceful" tone with one who tried to fob me off but she had used an unpleasant tone first and I was in lioness protecting her cub mode.

YANBU.

The nurse was rude and unprofessional. If you work on a children's ward, you will of necessity be dealing with exhausted, worrying parents. If she can't do that, she shouldn't be working there.

I think you should complain.

I'm a children's nurse and wouldn't have spoken to you like that.

Very often there isn't anything we can do in terms of somewhere to go or a quiet room, in which case I apologise and say there's no where we can move you to. Maybe you could have taken her out in the buggy for a walk or something or sat in the playroom, I don't know.

I don't know why you couldn't have gone on leave overnight and come back in the morning, unless the doctors thought you wouldn't be back in time. Wards are noisy, I'm always surprised when parents point that out, we have babies and children crying, some nurses aren't quiet either. Unfortunately nights are often the one time we actually have time to talk to each other.

If you want to complain either speak to the nurse in charge or go through PALS. It's not the nurses fault you stayed in though, it's not something we would have control over.

YANBU

As a pp has said the NHS is amazing in so many ways but some (SOME) nurses seem to forget the reasons why they are there, in what is essentially a customer facing role. I get that the job has now become bogged down in paperwork, understaffed etc but a kind word and a helpful manner goes a long way. It can sometimes appear beneath them to actually deal with a patient.

OP, you know that no-one ever thinks they are aggressive in a situation like that, don't you? Sometimes things come out in a way we don't intend, particularly if we are stressed or frustrated.

TBH, whether you are unreasonable depends on how the nurse said 'what do you expect me to do about it?'

If she said it in a snippy tone without trying to help, YANBU
If she did listen to what you said and then say she couldn't help, but you didn't accept this, then asked you sincerely what you thought she could do about it, then I think YABU.

The nurse may well have thought you were being a bit special snowflakey - every parent there has a sick child (except you, obviously). I'm sure a lot of them would like somewhere quiet to go.
All the children have to sleep there.
Maybe it wasn't clear you just wanted somewhere to go to settle her.

The nurse should have handled this better. Be sure to complain, otherwise no one will learn from this experience.

I hope your DC is ok.