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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being a bit of a dick?

18 replies

24again · 15/05/2014 08:56

My sister is over from the Far East, where she lives, for four days. We initially said that we would stay the weekend at my mum's house so that we could see her when we were there as it's two hours away from our house. However my daughter is ill and DH has a lot of work that he needs to do this weekend that he will find it very difficult to catch up on.

Am I being unreasonable to think that we should go over for one day to see her instead of staying over. (The house is really geared up for kids) Not massively close although it will be nice to see her, thought we'd go really early and stay late. My sister is also seeing quite a few other relatives this weekend and we have said that she can choose which day we go over to fit in with her plans.

Am I being really unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

24again · 15/05/2014 09:12

Anyone? Starting to feel really bad and I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong or not.

OP posts:

SaltyandSweet · 15/05/2014 09:18

How often does she come to visit? How old is your ill DD? I would personally go for the original set time, it's just a few days and going out of your way for a relative who lives abroad is something I would do. Depending on the age of your DD and what illness she has, I'd consider going just the two of you if your DH can't. Then again I live abroad myself and would be sad not to spend proper time with relatives when I came to visit

DoJo · 15/05/2014 09:20

Sounds reasonable to me - has someone claimed that you are being unreasonable?

Original poster

24again · 15/05/2014 09:22

No-one has claimed that I am being unreasonable but I get the feeling that my dad is a bit pissed off. DD is six.

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/05/2014 09:25

How ill is your DD?

ThinkFirst · 15/05/2014 09:25

How often do you see her and how ill is your DD?
If your DD isn't up to traveling then her needs come first. If she's going to be ok by the weekend could you not go without your DH? If you won't be seeing her all weekend and have to fit it with her plans I don't see anything wrong with making set plans and go for the day.

Original poster

24again · 15/05/2014 09:27

DD has a high temperature and is aching all over. She will probably be better / a bit better by the weekend. I haven't seen sister for a year.

OP posts:

diddl · 15/05/2014 09:27

Why is your dad pissed off?

Because he's also looking forward to seeing you, or because he sees it as a slight against your sister?

It's up to you, obviously.

Sounds as if the best would be just you & your daughter go & for the weekend if she's OK for that.

Or could you meet your sister halfway for a few hrs?

Original poster

24again · 15/05/2014 09:31

I think my Dad is a bit pissed off because he's probably seeing it as me putting DD and DH above my sister. Also because we did initially say that we'd stay for the two days.

OP posts:

MarianForrester · 15/05/2014 09:33

I think this is one of these things that it all just seems a big hassle now, but will be fine if you just bite the bullet and go as planned, with dh and dd.

Your sister is only here for a short while, stick to the plan, feel good and make your family happy too.

everlong · 15/05/2014 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

drinkingtea · 15/05/2014 09:36

I live abroad and would expect, and 100% agree with, my sisters to put their 6 year old before seeing me if the child were ill. I would only think you unreasonable if you then expected me to travel to you, if I were only over for 4 days, had done a long journey (esp with my own young kids) and was trying to see lots of people - but you are not asking anything of your sis.

YANBU - my parents also try to over-manage relationships between their adult children, and my mother esp reads too much into what one might thing if another does xyz... ignore your dad's attempt to emotionally manipulate you.

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/05/2014 09:37

You should put your DD and DH before your DSis! Is it a probelm if your dad doesn't completely agree with all your choices?

I doesn't even sound as though you will see much less of your sister. Taking a small sick child on a four hour round trip doesn't sound ideal though. I I were you and my DD didn't get significantly better I would be considering how I could make it so it was just me going for a few hours to see just DSis instead.

diddl · 15/05/2014 09:38

If your daughter is still ill you won't be able to go anyway so it's still a wait & see situation.

If your husband needs to catch up with work then it might not be possible to go alone & leave the two of them.

It's difficult when she's only here for for days & lots of people are tied down to a weekend.

drinkingtea · 15/05/2014 09:40

Your sister most certainly won't want to catch ehat your DD has just in time to be ill on or miss her flight home, so might actually prefer you to keep DD away the entire time...

deXavia · 15/05/2014 09:43

I also live in the Far East and honestly I may be disappointed but would totally understand. The way I look at it is the time I visit suits me, that means it may not suit everyone else and that's fine, just life.
I would go up early but take an overnight bag just in case. You may find once you are there your DD perks up and maybe even you two could stay and your DH goes home to work. I would keep your options open.
You DDad probably had himself all worked up with a happy family gathering - I find our parents do the whole 'fattened cow' thing whether we want it or not! He'll be fine but is probably disappointed/annoyed his plan hadn't come off perfectly ... Or I may be projecting from my own DDad

beginnings · 15/05/2014 09:43

DD first. Your Dad needs to suck it up.

Original poster

24again · 15/05/2014 09:45

Booms - yes, you are right about not seeing much more of my sister, one day is fine to catch up IMO. Daughter is off school today but may feel a bit better by the weekend.

OP posts:

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