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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly confused about what to do?

19 replies

gentlydoesit89 · 15/05/2014 07:53

I'm due to meet a man tomorrow that I've been chatting to online and text for about a month now. He lives about 3 hours away and I'm working there tomorrow so we decided to meet for the evening.
We've made no solid plans, and over the course of the week his contact has dwindled to virtually nothing. Knowing of his work pattern that isn't unusual but I figured there'd be a little more enthusiasm as the time got closer.
So aibu to think if I don't hear anything today I just don't bother going? I can come back after work and just forget it, or does that mean I've given up before I've given it a chance?
I now remember why I hate being single.

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 15/05/2014 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearandcub · 15/05/2014 08:17

What they said ^^

CuntBiscuit · 15/05/2014 08:19

Just text to confirm. And suggest just meeting for a coffee so you can make a quickl getaway if you need to.

Nocomet · 15/05/2014 08:20

He's a man, he needs you to plan and tell him what he's doing.

Having a Y chromosome causes them to be totally incapable of arranging anything not connected with work or their hobby.

Just ring him and tell him what you want to do.

LilacRoses · 15/05/2014 08:28

I'd just text "Hi, are you still up for meeting later on?" If he doesn't reply then leave it. I hate it when people muck about like this.

LilacRoses · 15/05/2014 08:29

I'd just text "Hi, are you still up for meeting later on?" If he doesn't reply then leave it. I hate it when people muck about like this.

oldiebutnctoday · 15/05/2014 08:31

Exactly what lilacroses said! It might be that he's nervous or just a bit useless, but if he's lost interest for whatever reason I'd imagine he'll make up an excuse not to come and you won't need to waste anymore time on him! Good luck!

SuperSophie · 15/05/2014 08:42

I wouldn't text to ask if you're still meeting: it makes you sound a bit needy and gives him the upper hand straight away.

You could send a normal text just asking how he is and, if he doesn't reply, you'll know where you stand. If he replies, you can mention the meeting and see what he says.

SueDnym · 15/05/2014 17:04

What is it, the flipping fifties?

SpringBreaker · 15/05/2014 17:11

Just send a simple text saying "are we still meeting up tomorrow as planned?"

If he doesnt reply then you know he aint interested.

parentalunit · 15/05/2014 18:23

I'd ignore him. If he doesn't care enough to confirm the plans, then move on. Make other plans and make sure you enjoy your trip.

If by any chance he's got a good excuse, he will contact you later and if he likes you, he'll drive 3 miles for a date.

Either way, you win.

expatinscotland · 15/05/2014 18:27

Ignore him. Having a penis and Y chromosome does not make a person reliant on females to make plans.

BackforGood · 15/05/2014 18:32

You've said that "knowing his pattern of work this {limited contact} isn't unusual" so why is everybody assuming that it is a bad thing ? Confused

Surely if you agreed to meet, but made no solid plans, then the obvious thing is to text /contact him on-line and say - "So, I'll be finished with my meeting around 5 - obv I don't really know the area, so where do you suggest we meet ?" Can't see why you would assume he wasn't interested.

BrokenToeOuch · 15/05/2014 18:33

Personally I'd forget it. You sound like you're getting angsty before you've even met him, and he sounds like a total flake which I couldn't be doing with.
Up to you though, he might be there after all and be great, but in a snap decision I'd write it off, sorry.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/05/2014 18:37

I think one text along the lines BackforGood suggested is fair enough. But if you don't hear from him then move on. And that's only because you say that his work pattern means its sometimes difficult for him to make contact.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/05/2014 18:45

Any word from him today?

Original poster
gentlydoesit89 · 15/05/2014 18:56

Nothing as yet.
When I say about pattern for work he does weekdays but the norm is for him to message between 7 and 9 when he finishes. I'm very similar with my job and don't text at work so that isn't unusual to me.
I've sent a message just saying I picked up my tickets today asked how he is.
I know I'm coming across as angsty but this is a first for me and I'm nervous. I'm trying to step away from the phone and if come half 9 I've not heard anything I'll probably just delete his number and go to sleep.

OP posts:
bellediva · 15/05/2014 19:28

I think you should give it a chance. He could be really nervous as well?

sothathatswhenI · 15/05/2014 19:35

Sounds like a good plan, OP.

It does sound a bit like he's got cold feet.

A friend of mine has tried online dating and sometimes when things are about to happen IRL the potential date clams up or starts acting different. I think its perfectly normal to feel a wee bit anxious (both of you).

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