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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by this comment?

16 replies

CiderLover · 12/05/2014 12:52

Me and my partner are always having "banter" together, sometimes close to the knuckle. We know each other well enough to be able to say random crap.

However, yesterday (I can't even remember how this came up into conversation but we were talking about sex) my partner said "You're the best sex I've ever had....Joke". Immediately after she said it she apologised and said it was a bad joke.

She was very apologetic and took it back several times.

This comment affected me ... we haven't been having sex for a long time (3 months, we don't live together) She brought it up the other weekend, saying she has noticed a slump and asked if anything was wrong, nothing wrong on my side, nor hers apparently. That's a different issue anyway.

For the record we are both female if that matters.

Should I bring it up again?

We celebrate our 1st anniversary this weekend so don't really fancy arguing before that!

Or should I just accept it was just a bad joke.

OP posts:

Salazar · 12/05/2014 13:09

Yeah, I think it was just a bad joke - too close to an insecurity, brought on by lack of sex.

Forget the joke and focus on getting things back to how you'd like them to be.

cutefluffybunnes · 12/05/2014 13:11

That sounds passive-aggressive, which is not a nice trait. Is she often like this, or do most problems get resolved in a more positive way?

Original poster

CiderLover · 12/05/2014 13:19

She can make stupid jokes along the lines of things she knows will hit a nerve. Hmm

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 12/05/2014 13:20

Do you like the banter generally? If so, them I would see this as a bit of a bad joke and forget about it. If you weren't in the sort of relationship where you said that sort of stuff the each other, it would be a massive deal.

DoJo · 12/05/2014 13:35

It sounds like something she said without really thinking about the context of the recent conversation you had about sex. If you believe that she was genuinely contrite about having said it, and don't think she was having a dig, then I would try to let it go.

However, I don't think it's unreasonable to continue the conversation when you are both in a good mood and ask if there is anything she thinks would improve your sex life. You don't have to bring it up in reference to the comment, but it's important that you both feel happy with your physical relationship, so perhaps opening the lines of communication and allowing yourselves to be honest about what you like could be a good thing for both of you.

AMumInScotland · 12/05/2014 13:36

Some people make a habit of 'joking' about things when they want to make a point. I find it annoying when people do that, as I'd much rather they actually started a proper conversation about things instead of doing it in a way where they can claim they didn't mean it, while making you feel bad about yourself...

If it's a habit, I'd be inclined to suggest she stops and discusses issues like a grown-up.

ICanSeeTheSun · 12/05/2014 13:39

Do you think it was a bad joke or a dig.

Original poster

CiderLover · 12/05/2014 13:42

She is definitely not the kind pf person to make a dig like that. She's very kind and gentle.

I just hope it wasn't a case of she forgot who she was talking to and genuinely meant it

OP posts:

Nomama · 12/05/2014 13:48

We ban banter, here. It is usually close to bullying and almost always unsettles someone.

Then again, we are a college. But I wouldn't do it in a relationship either. It just seems a bit odd, lacking in respect, somehow.

But yes, maybe you do need to talk it through.

MissMilbanke · 12/05/2014 13:48

I think you have to let the comment go.

It kinda backfired as it was too close to the grain, she apologised profusely, so she really didn't aim to hurt your feelings.

Whats happened in the last 3 months ? are you both happy with the lack of sex ? Do you want to change this ? I think these are what you should focus on - not some ill timed bad joke.

Original poster

CiderLover · 12/05/2014 14:02

It all started when she put on weight and her periods stopped, her confidence is at an all time low. I tell her she's beautiful etc but falls on deaf ears. I didn't want to pressure her so I stopped trying.

We talked about it and agreed that we have made it a big issue and now feel a bit awkward and shy about making the first move. Its peculiar.

Like I said, we have a romantic weekend planned this weekend so hopefully we'll get things back on track then because I miss it!

OP posts:

MissMilbanke · 12/05/2014 14:48

Awwww sounds like you both need a bit of a confidence boost.

You need to go all romantic next weekend - all pink fizz and flowers on the bed would set the scene nicely.

And then it all just falls into place.

redexpat · 12/05/2014 20:11

Sometimes things dont come out as we expected! We all make mistakes. She was trying for a joke and got it worng. Unless she has form for this, accept it as a one off and move on.

CrohnicallyHungry · 12/05/2014 20:16

She put on weight and her periods stopped? Has she been for a check up to see if there's a medical reason behind it? If there is, that could be affecting her sex drive.

SarahAndFuck · 12/05/2014 21:08

I know you said you are both female, but if she's put on weight and her periods have stopped then could she be pregnant and hiding it from you by stopping the sex?

ThePinkOcelot · 12/05/2014 22:14

I was thinking the same as Sarah. Is there any chance she could be pregnant?

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