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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is awful

32 replies

Greenpanther · 12/05/2014 12:46

So I've name changed so this doesn't out me, and I'll try and keep it brief.

We went to a family wedding at the weekend, on dh's side.

I spent some time chatting to the bride's mother, and we just had a basic catch up about children etc. She went on to say that her youngest daughter is giving them lots of grief at the moment but didn't want to go into detail, but then went on to say she is 5 weeks pregnant and they're fuming.

I assumed they (the parents) were unhappy due to her still living at home, and isn't with the father anymore and is half way through a college course.

But no, they have given her an ultimatum to have a termination or leave by the end of this month, as the baby will be mixed race and they "don't agree with mixed race children".

I'd had a drink and couldn't think what to say. We were at that point interrupted by the bride, who doesn't know about her sister's pregnancy, as they didn't want to upset her in the run up to the wedding.

This has really surprised me that they could think like this. They also foster children which I find worrying considering they have racist views.

I'm really worried about dh's niece.

OP posts:
crispyporkbelly · 12/05/2014 12:47

Racist twats. My ds is mixed race and I hate people like them. I hope she keeps her baby because its her choice.

Groovee · 12/05/2014 12:51

That's awful!

MrsWombat · 12/05/2014 12:51

I would contact your niece by text and say her parents told you her situation, and you got the impression they weren't being supportive as they could be. Is there anything you could do to help?

CheerfulYank · 12/05/2014 12:55

What Mrs Wombat said. Ask if you can help. Poor girl!

Salazar · 12/05/2014 12:59

I'd be approaching the girl, sounds like she could do with a chat with someone not bullying her.

Nomama · 12/05/2014 13:00

Good grief!

If you could offer the poor girl some help I am sure she would be grateful. She may wish to have a termination, but not under that sort of ultimatum!

Could you offer here thinking room?

nippysweetie82 · 12/05/2014 13:00

That's awful, I would also be very tempted to inform social services of their racist views.

Sirzy · 12/05/2014 13:02

I agree with others, show the poor girl that someone in the family is willing to be there for her

PumpkinPie2013 · 12/05/2014 13:02

YANBU Shock

They sound awful!!!!

Agree you should contact the girl before she gets forced into something she doesn't want to do poor girl.

I'd be tempted to ask them if there are other children they don't agree with!!!

What an awful attitude they have Sad

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/05/2014 13:03

Yes it is awful and I agree with the posters who say reach out to her and see if you can offer her some support.

Her parents sound like twats of the highest degree. However, being a racist bigot sadly isn't against the law, social services would not be interested.

Def offer your hand to her though the poor girl.

CountessVronsky · 12/05/2014 13:03

This woman is obviously bonkers. I would approach the girl and try to provide some support.

MaidOfStars · 12/05/2014 13:06

However, being a racist bigot sadly isn't against the law, social services would not be interested

Even if they are foster parents?

OP, I would do as others have suggested - contact niece and offer a friendly ear.

Brices · 12/05/2014 13:08

By saying nothing the other person thinks your agreeing. Sometimes you just feel so shocked your momentarily stunned into silence, but no matter what the social situation a very pointed in a low voice "that is offensive" has to be stated.

grocklebox · 12/05/2014 13:12

Social services would of course be interested. Who wants racist foster parents?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/05/2014 13:12

I still doubt it even if they are foster parents. As long as they sing the right tunes to the SW - there is a massive shortage of fosterers out there.

My friend had problems with her neighbours involving fire arms and being abusive to her child - they were and still are fosterers even though the police had to get involved.

Jux · 12/05/2014 13:24

That is revolting. Offer your pg relative as much support as you can, let her know that someone's on her side.

catgirl1976 · 12/05/2014 13:33

That is absolutely dreadful Shock

The poor girl

I would try and contact her and I would inform Social Services.

Awful.

WilsonFrickett · 12/05/2014 13:35

Poor girl. Please do what you can to help your DN. No-one should be forced into a termination under any circumstances - let alone ones as evil and bigoted as this.

steff13 · 12/05/2014 13:36

Poor girl. I agree with the others, try and offer her whatever help you can.

How old is she?

Fideline987654321 · 12/05/2014 13:38
Shock

Is the bride your friend? Or the groom?

Fenton · 12/05/2014 13:41

That is shocking, had she had a skin full when you had this conversation with her?

MrFMercury · 12/05/2014 13:42

I would offer your support and inform SS.
But when I was fostered by a family member (despite my very vocal objections and I was 14 at the time) they asked how they would deal with it if I was gay. They told the social worker I knew they didn't accept 'that sort of thing' and I'd be chucked out onto the street. Still got to foster me though, rake in cash while I had to feed and clothe myself from what little I could earn.

Darnley · 12/05/2014 13:47

Let the fostering team at their local authority know. I work in fostering and in no way would that attitude be tolerated.

MargotLovedTom · 12/05/2014 13:50

Fideline - I think the bride is the DH's cousin.

MargotLovedTom · 12/05/2014 13:51

Sorry, niece!