to want the Lifestyle police to just fuck the fuck off?

[DotToDott]

I am seething a bit this morning.

I am a fat ex-smoker who had a bit of an epiphany last september, took up running, joined weight watchers and started to sort myself out. i cut out the fags in janurary but i have a fly one every few weeks if the mood takes me.

Today, i didn't run because i hurt my foot yesterday, i also committed the heinous crime of driving DS to school. One person hollered across the road at me
about how i had a cheek taking the car when i "called myself a runner" (i don't).

The next person i saw, "Where's all your fancy gear today? It doesn't work if you only kid on you're going".

I then go into the shop where i also work, and colleague serves me, whilst commenting loudly in front of several customers that i "signed in with a cigarette last night" (we have to declare cash and cigs when we start work) and that she was "shocked" i was a "bad Dot" and the proceeded to tap my fingers like you would a toddler.

I didn't even bother to make light of it as i was really fucking cross.

AIBU to think people should keep their snarky comments to themselves, and not fucking announce my private business in front of everyone in a shop. i dont swan about announcing how much money people bring to work, or what food and drinks they have brought in for their break.

AIBU to think that next time the people who make comments about me not running deserve the middle finger next time they drive past me while i'm running, or buy a cake off me, because surely "all that sugar isn't good for you" applies to us all?.

FFS .

I tell such people to fuck off.

I'm desperate to tell them to fuck off, but it's a toaty wee community and i work in the only shop so it's a big deal if i'm less than pleasant to anyone.

'Don't be so rude?' Slightly less in-your-face than Fuck Off, but conveys the message nicely.

Christ, I expect even Mother Theresa took a day off once in a while.

Still, I think part of it is that if you don't discuss your private business with people they feel less entitled to comment on it.

They feel threatened because you've been able to make some changes to your life, it makes them look bad by comparison so they seize on any opportunity to diminish your achievement.

I say have some compassion for these poor insecure people with their fragile self esteem
(or just laugh it off)

That's the thing Bitter, i haven't discussed it with anyone, other than family and the girl i run with. People just have nothing better to do around here than watch what everyone else is up to and pass remark on it.

You seem to live in a small place where everyone knows everyone elses business.

And everyone you meet is horrible to boot!

'Are you always so rude?' is more acceptable than fuck off but really they deserve fuck off

silly smegturds

People do comment and YANBU to feel annoyed or angry about it.

Is there any way you could joke about it to them?

Replies like "I can't be perfect all the time, it's my day off" or "I don't want to make the rest of you look bad by being perfect every day" or something. I know they're not really funny but they are a bit more light hearted.

One customer at work used to comment all the time that I'd put weight on until the day I said "Well, we're all getting older and you know how it is. Some of us gain and some of us lose and some do both " and he's never commented again.

My goodness op they sound very rude, yes tell them to feck off!

Possible reply:
Well since I injured my ankle DP have become devotees of tantric sex. Such good exercise and burns so many calories don't ya know? Who needs running? But I certainly need a cig after the session we had all night! Just need to plant the pampas grass and we can take it to a whole other level. Wink!

Blimey OP, where on earth do you live where people think that it's any of their business to comment on what you're doing?

Personally I'd be inclined to tell anyone that rude to feck off to the far side of feck but wouldn't have the guts to actually say it

I may actually ponder whether it was nosy gits day as everyone seemed to be making an effort...

And this is why I could never EVER live in a small village or town.

Wolfie. i'm going to rehearse that and have it ready.

Callani, it's a tiny village in the arse end of no-where. I actually don't think they see anything wrong with it when they do it, but would take great offence if i commented on something that they do but im not a nosey arse so dont actually notice other people's daily habits

have just been back in and she's commented on it again. rage.

How about putting on a totally blank face and in a bored tone, say "I am happy with my choices." while looking them straight in the eye.

I usually try to justify it to them, make excuses for myself ie. "oh but i did X miles yesterday" or something, i imagine a deadpan response would just result in more taunting because they would then comment on my mood on top of my running.

posting this has just made me realise how suffocating it is to live here.

I find a slow blink and a slightly confused frown gets people thinking about what they've just said. Then something like "Well, yes, I've cut down from 20 a day to just the occasional one. It's working well for me" tends to wrong-foot them without being actively rude.

I think it's the obvious air of "Why would someone be asking that?" that does the trick, as if you can't actually believe they are being so rude.

Being rude back is harder, as people either take offence, or assume you're up for the 'banter' and get ruder still!

It sounds it.
If you don't want to do the deadpan thing and you don't want to tell them that you do not welcome their comments then that leaves you with either letting it all wash over you, or being ridiculously cheerful about it to the point of taking the total piss - big smile oh yes, I've decided to give it up and eat lard until I am 36 stone, or countering with questions of your own, oh no, you're right, I haven't. When you go for your runs, where do you go? Or how do you manage to fit it in to your day, etc

Really, it sounds like they aren't very nice and are actually sneering at you. You can't help that. You can't change that. So it only remains for you to decide how you choose to respond. You have to decide what matters to you. Peace and harmony by taking it up the arse, or an uncomfortable atmosphere by challenging them.

Either way it's not nice for you, so you have to pick what you hate least. Or what you feel is most likely to have the outcome you can best live with. Or what is likely to make people show some respect or at least some courtesy.

I am definitely going to start telling people i've given up running and replaced it with lard i have a dry sense of humour and i'm sure i can pull that off well.

at least then if they take offence it will make them realise they are being arsey, plus i can get away with saying "i was only joking".

i don't know any other place where people think it's ok to put others down the way they do here.

not to mention the blatant nosiness and disregard for personal privacy from my work colleague- i never even look at what anyone else has on them when they come to work.

How were the comments presented Dot?

I'd have interpreted the first comment about your taking the car when you "call yourself a runner" as a joke and actually a compliment on my normal dedication because it is noteworthy that you drove the car instead of running. But if it was said in a derisory tone then that's obviously not the case and the person saying it was an idiot.

Likewise, the cigarette in the shop thing can be a form of encouragement and support, a badly presented jokey way of saying "well done for quitting the fags for so long and please don't get back on them again".

Small communities can be like this. It's often as well meant as it is rude and annoying. Might it help to try to view it like that? It doesn't alter the fact that really these people have absolutely no business commenting in the first place, but since you're unlikely to change them without ostracising yourself, maybe a change of perspective is the next best thing.

I've lived here all my life Pounding, and unfortunately the people i've mentioned are being snide. There are lots of people who also make jokey comments when they see me out and about and i laugh along with them too. I know villages are gossipy and people discuss even the smallest details but its a bit like im being heckled if i leave my house in anything but running shoes.

As for the cigarette comment it was more the blatant yelling of what i do in my own time and what i bring to work with me, across the busy shop floor that really got to me, and the physically hitting me.

If she had signed in with a large amount of cash last week i wouldn't start mouthing off that she must be in the money etc etc. in front of people. i know it's only a cigarette but it's none of her business what i bring to work and it is absolutely not her place to pass comment, jokey or otherwise.

to be honest if she had seen me smoking outside and said "oh Dot what are you doing that for? you'd been doing so well quitting, dont start being naughty now" or something i wouldnt mind so much, its the fact she looked back a few days on the sheet to check up on me then told me off like a child in front of people that really bugged me.

i see where you are coming from though and i do honestly try to put it past me generally, i just had enough today and had to vent somewhere!