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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for your tips in getting kids to do music practise....

58 replies

LilacRoses · 11/05/2014 19:24

Dd (11) has been playing the violin for a couple of years. She really does enjoy the actual lessons (recently changed teachers for various reasons, loves her new teacher). However, we are still finding that we have to nag her every single time to practise. Part of me thinks that this is just what kids are like but part of me thinks that by now she ought to be more self motivated.

I've asked her many times if she really wants to carry on and she insists that she does. She's looking forward to doing her grade in a few months and is excited about playing in various groups at high school but she is still very lazy about practise. If we didn't nag her she wouldn't pick her violin up from one lesson the the next. Any great ideas?

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GreeboOgg · 11/05/2014 21:24

What worked for me as a child was the idea that if I didn't practice I was letting my teacher down.

Not quite as doom and gloom as it seems! I had music lessons, and other similar one-to-one tuition elsewhere. My parents never hid the cost, but nor did they hold it over my head. What they did instead was point out that my teachers were 'experts' in what they were doing, and that I was bloody lucky that they were willing to teach me- a complete nobody and a novice in their eyes. There was plenty of other people who would like to learn what I was learning, and if I didn't give my teacher the respect of practicing, then it would be my teacher who would cancel the lessons to allow in a more hard-working, worthy student.

I've no idea whether they really would have 'sacked me off' or not Grin , but the threat alone when I was younger was enough to make me take practice and lessons a little more seriously. I wasn't just responsible for myself, I was responsible to somebody 'better than me' who had taken the time to teach me. It was more 'I'm the lucky one to have tuition, and my teacher will be glad to have me as a student when she hears how fluent this piece is this week' rather than 'lessons costs some amount of money I don't understand because I'm eleven, and school days are so long and tiring at secondary, this is hard!'. Of course, that requires the understanding that your teacher can, indeed, tell very clearly when you have not bothered to practice, but that it's also safe to say "I've tried, I can't get this at all, and I can't articulate why, so tell me."

All that rambling ^ but also, god yes, the easier to just sit down/pick up and play the more likely you are to do it. The playing is the fun part, all the prep is just a barrier that makes you go 'meh, later'.

GreeboOgg · 11/05/2014 21:27

Sorry Clam, I cock up those two all the time (well, mostly I just use 'practice' when inappropriate) but it gets ignored unless I'm in editing mode!

clam · 11/05/2014 21:29

It's the same as advise/advice. You adviSe someone to do something, when you give them advice. Fewer people have problems with that one.

clam · 11/05/2014 21:36

For the record, on the actual subject asked here, I have finally had my fill of music practice all round. Ds has just done Grade 6 in flute and Grade 5 in piano, with dd completing Grade 3 in piano. My patience has run out.
Ds is better on the whole, as he is a member of various ensemble groups with the flute, and also seems to fanny around on the piano for enjoyment. Dd on the other hand, seems to have NO idea at ALL how to practise. She'll play one scale, wrongly, and then move onto the next. She'll likely as not cock that up, get cross and flounce off. God help me if I make any suggestions. What do I know, after all, only having got as far as Grade 8? Got my head bitten off for pointing out that she was playing a minim as a crotchet the other day.
Angry

TheEmpress · 11/05/2014 21:38
clam · 11/05/2014 21:41

Gold star to TheEmpress.

morethanpotatoprints · 11/05/2014 21:47

I think when they get to this age they will practice if they want to, they know the importance now if they wish to continue.
If you are having to nag her it won't change until she decides for herself that she needs to practice.
I wouldn't even mention it and see what happens.
She'll soon learn.

Forago · 11/05/2014 22:00

My 9y does piano and an instrument. We seem to have it sorted now with pure bribery - he gets a pack of match Attax trading cards for each practice of both on 2 separate days. He is now doing both most days (am and pm) so he can get a pack a day! Won't last forever but he's coming on nicely towards next gradings with this approach and I never need to nag anymore.

TheEmpress · 11/05/2014 22:04

That's a relief! Grin

LilacRoses · 11/05/2014 22:13

I know what you mean Maddy and nomore, that is my gut feeling about it probably because when I was a kid I really honestly did just "get on with it"! My parents never nagged me to get on with my homework or music practice (thanks for that!) I just did it and they have confirmed that was the case! Dd isn't that sort of kid, she needs a bit of a push to get her homework or music practise done but when she gets going she is great. I ask her regularly if she still wants to learn and she is positive that she does.

I think that because she's not yet at the stage where she's playing with ease it's still a bit of a chore. Ho hum. We will see how it goes!

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elliejjtiny · 11/05/2014 22:20

I find routine works best for us. DS's 1 and 2 (aged 7 and 6) are learning the piano so when DS3 is in bed 1 of them practises the piano while the other one reads their reading book to me and then they swap over.

Bardette · 11/05/2014 22:30

My mum had to continually nag me to practise while I was learning the piano - it was the greatest gift she gave me Smile.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 11/05/2014 22:35

OP, I have 2 DDs just like yours (10 & 11). Love their violin teacher and lessons. But need to nag to practice.

We get by with nagging and bribes...

On a bad day, I threaten that they need to give up violin if they don't practice or if they get stroppy during practice. Then they tell me I'm the meanest mommy ever, that they love their violin lessons... And they get on with their practice.

TooBusyByHalf · 11/05/2014 22:36

Really useful thread - thanks OP and everyone

LilacRoses · 11/05/2014 22:38

yes Clam it can be a bit like that with Dd too! Once she's on a roll though she does pretty well.Bardette, that is,sort of where I'm coming from! She was totally resistant to.learning to swim but I persevered with it and she adores it now. Sometimes you do need a bit of a push when you're a kid don't you? It's just working out how much is enough or too much!

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Forago · 11/05/2014 22:39

Barrette that's why I persevere too - I am completely unmusical asnever had lessons and always regretted it and all my friends who play as adults say they are really glad their parents made them.

LilacRoses · 11/05/2014 22:40

Excuse weird punctuation, phone is being a pain!

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LilacRoses · 11/05/2014 22:42

Thanks Momoftwogirls, do they practise every day?

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LilacRoses · 11/05/2014 22:44

You are welcome Toobusy, I agree, MN is bloody brilliant for dilemas like this!

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ReallyTired · 11/05/2014 22:50

Learning a musical instrument is hard work and its not always fun. Its no wonder that children aren't keen to practice at times. I think the best way to encourage practice is routine.

A little bit of practice each day is better than a large practice session twice a week. It is quality of practice rather than quantiy of practice. It is better for a child to practice well for ten minutes than to practice badly (when overtired) for half an hour.

Sometimes children rattle through their pieces and somehow hope the mistakes will right themselves. Children don't like going over the difficult bits again and again until they get it right. If a child doesn't unpick their mistakes then the mistakes get ingrained in the child's memory.

I think its essential that a parent sits with a child while they practice at eleven years old. Otherwise it can feel really lonely. Many children struggle to know how to practice. I found it works better with my son to give him an easily achievable target rather than make him practice for a set number of minutes. (Ie. get the rythmn right in bar 9 of a particular piece) I try and get my son involved with setting his own targets so he is thinking about his practicing.

This is an interesting article

www.bulletproofmusician.com/why-the-progress-in-the-practice-room-seems-to-disappear-overnight/

LilacRoses · 11/05/2014 22:55

That's a great post, thank you Really and thanks to everyone else. I will read the article with interest. I will try the target setting. I noticed today that she had mastered a certain little trill that she'd been working on for a week or so so that was exciting for her. I'm usually next door in the kitchen when she is practising and I call out encouraging comments but maybe I will try being in the same room.

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halamadrid · 11/05/2014 23:02

Ds loves piano lessons and has never asked to give up but he didn't practise enough. He hated doing grades so stopped them and now he's on the piano loads and I don't have to nag at all. He still has lessons playing pop music and I think his teacher has a good time because he's on the exam treadmill with the other pupils. So think about whether your dc want to make a career out of music or if they want to do it for enjoyment.

morethanpotatoprints · 11/05/2014 23:04

It needs to be fun, as simple as that.
I disagree that sometimes its not fun and it isn't hard.
Of course there are skills to learn, technical aspects, discipline, etc but these needn't equate to hard work.
If you tell kids its hard they will believe this and probably back off. I know my dd would have done.
Play games with them. Want to improve aural skills, play simon.
Make music theory colourful.

Sorry, soap box moment
as you were.

ReallyTired · 11/05/2014 23:07

Sorry I linked to the wrong article.

www.bulletproofmusician.com/how-many-hours-a-day-should-you-practice/

www.effectivemusicteaching.com/articles/students/how-to-practice-music-by-setting-goals/

There are lots of articles on the web on how to practice more efficently. Eleven year olds are often under a lot of pressure with school work and social life. It can be really hard to fit everything in.

chocoluvva · 11/05/2014 23:14

Clic Sergeant do a pack for sponsored practicathons. Perhaps that would encourage your DD to do a burst of practice to kick start her.

If there are any opportunities for her to perform in front of people she might practise before them.

Some children manage to practise in the mornings before school.

She might enjoy playing with an accompaniment - some tutor books have CDs with them - but they do tend to be very fast.