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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be baffled by Gina Ford...

266 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 11/05/2014 17:40

My neighbour just leant me her copy of "The Contented Little Baby" book and after scanning various chapters all I can think is WTAF???

I really, really want to laugh at her shit but I'm too Gob Smacked!!

OP posts:
Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 12/05/2014 10:41

It's always the same on gina ford threads. The people who dislike her and disagree with her come across as half crazed. My guess is they are absolutely knackered.

Then you get the gf supporters, who seem open minded and relaxed, probably because they are getting a decent stretch of 8 hours every night.

Gina ford rocks. I sometimes pop onto the sleep thread, just to read in disbelief what people and their babies are going through. I feel for them, but I know they'll invariably be incensed if Gf is mentioned.

FourForksAche · 12/05/2014 10:43

enjoying, I am aware that it's subjective but I'm pretty sure I'm not coming across as half crazed.

Damnautocorrect · 12/05/2014 10:49

No baby and parent is the same, what works for one won't another. For me forcing another human being into a routine like that seemed barmy, but for others I know it works

Goldmandra · 12/05/2014 10:53

The people who dislike her and disagree with her come across as half crazed.

Actually it's the evangelical parents for whom GF worked that I find are without perspective. They seem to be unable to grasp the fact that other people's babies are not carbon copies of their own, that what worked like a charm for their baby may not work for others and, most bizarrely of all, that parents who aren't following a routine have never tried to.

Whereas others are in reality the more open minded and see babies and their parents as individuals with differing needs for whom rigid routines are not always the answer.

Then you get the gf supporters, who seem open minded and relaxed, probably because they are getting a decent stretch of 8 hours every night.

This smug comment illustrates my point perfectly.

Thurlow · 12/05/2014 10:54

It's not always forcing, though, damnautocorrect. DD was an absolute state those first few weeks at home when we tried to wing it, and took to a routine and being offered food before she realised she was starving like a duck takes to water. No one forced her into a routine; she was just a baby who preferred one.

A baby who hates any attempt at a routine might be considered being forced if the parents went along with it, but it's far, far too sweeping to use a term like that to relate to any parents who try a routine.

Retropear · 12/05/2014 10:54

Sitting back and letting a baby get crankier and more miserable whilst subjecting it to more stress due to lack of sleep from the entire family seems crazy to me.

4or 5 days in and we had happy,contended,sleeping twins(and parents).

4 or 5 days was a damn good trade off as far as I could see and saved us all from months of anguish.

ExBrightonBell · 12/05/2014 10:56

Really, enjoying? Half crazed through sleep deprivation? Don't be absurd.

My ds is 22 months and has been sleeping through (no wake ups at all) since about 11 months. So that's nearly a year of decent sleep. I am not half crazed through sleep deprivation. I don't like GF methods, didn't use them and wouldn't recommend them, but I appreciate they can be useful to parents who do appreciate a regimented and parent-led approach. Is that reasonable and calm enough?

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 12/05/2014 10:56

Retro, I agree.

For us, it was three nights of crying and anxiety, and then months and months of good, quality sleep, waking up refreshed and happy.

Rather than doggedly carrying on, everyone getting more and more sleep deprived.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 12/05/2014 10:56

Ex, you are not saying GF is the devil incarnate, hence you don't fit who was describing, do you?

DebbieOfMaddox · 12/05/2014 10:56

Retropear, I attribute it to luck. Some babies thrive on a fairly rigid routine, others don't.

I think you'll find I haven't ripped Gina or mums who have found her books to be extremely helpful to shreds. If you'd like to point me to where I did that, I'd be very interested.

But do you not see that by proclaiming that luck has nothing to do with it and that GF routines will work for every baby you come across as pushing an "I know best" agenda yourself? There loads of parents who have found GF very helpful, but there are also plenty of parents who've tried GF and not had success. I think that was just down to luck and the individual babies. You, on the other hand, don't think that luck comes into it at all so, again, why do you think those parents failed? If it's not a problem with the method, and there is no element of luck involved, then it suggests you think it's the parents' fault?

GF was never going to work for us because DC1 was quite ill as a newborn, often vomited up entire feeds so needed to be fed all over again (GREAT for my weight loss, not so much for any semblance of routine), found it hard to sleep other than in short bursts, and once he started to recover needed feeding up because he'd put on no weight at all between two weeks and eight weeks. There's luck for you, if you want a rather extreme version of "it's mostly down to luck". And DC3 is deaf, and there's a reasonable body of research suggesting that expecting deaf babies to go to sleep by themselves in a dark room can actually cause long-lasting sleep issues and problems around bedtime. So I'm not emotionally invested in this one way or the other. I do remember dusting off her book with DC2 and DC3 and wonder how it was supposed to fit in with doing a school run for older children, though.

IceBeing · 12/05/2014 10:57

GF - tried it...it didn't work for me and my DD. I found sleep sense to be far far more constructive. It suggests working out what your babies routine should be rather than assuming it would be the same for all babies...but then is pretty much the same. Follow the babies routine...

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 12/05/2014 10:57

Who I was describing.

My point is those that disagree and say Gf is something really bad, always strike me as on the verge of nervous breakdowns.

But you are not saying that, so my comment was not aimed at you.

FourForksAche · 12/05/2014 10:58

retro, unfortunately that was my experience when trying gf method too. I think you have to be open minded, try things and if it doesn't work, try something else.

Retropear · 12/05/2014 10:59

I don't like a regimented approach- just sleep.Which we got after a few nights and said babies rarely waking up.

FourForksAche · 12/05/2014 11:00

enjoying, perhaps avoiding the sweeping statement and addressing the poster you had in mind might have avoided offending so many of us? it would also be a bit less pa.

Goldmandra · 12/05/2014 11:01

4or 5 days in and we had happy,contended,sleeping twins(and parents).

You're lucky then. Plenty of other parents have tried exactly the same thing, my self included, and it didn't work. Our babies didn't settle into the new routine and simply became more and more distressed until we gave up.

I don't begrudge anyone their success but it is down to luck that you have a child for whom it works.

Retropear · 12/05/2014 11:03

I know very few Gina mums that have tried and failed.Sorry.You do need to follow it rigidly in the first few days and then it clicks into place.Many don't want to do that which is their choice.

Sorry still don't buy the luck at all.My twins are completely different builds,with different sleep patterns and personalities.At 10 one is a hippy and v laid back,the other likes order.

It worked for both........ and dd(who is different again) and for millions of others.

Bumpsadaisie · 12/05/2014 11:09

Out of interest enjoyingmycoffee81, how old is/are your children?

DebbieOfMaddox · 12/05/2014 11:10

So, for the avoidance of doubt, you are saying that if it failed it's because the parents didn't do it right, so it was their fault? And you feel confident saying this even though in RL you know very few people who've tried and failed, and even though there have been several posters just on this thread who've said that they tried and failed? And you still feel comfortable criticising other people because you think that they have an "I know best" attitude?

Retropear · 12/05/2014 11:16

Yes because the general criticism of GF is parents like a regimented style and to control their babies.Bollocks.

For GF to work you do have to follow it to the letter in the very early days,which by their own admission many have said they didn't like or want to do that.

It's their choice.

Goldmandra · 12/05/2014 11:20

You do need to follow it rigidly in the first few days and then it clicks into place.Many don't want to do that which is their choice.

I'd love to know where you found the evidence that it works 100% for everyone who follows it rigidly for the first few days and it only doesn't work for those who choose not to follow it properly.

Have you done a study of some sort or read about one or is this just your opinion based on your own very limited observations?

Retropear · 12/05/2014 11:21

Ditto.Smile

Damnautocorrect · 12/05/2014 11:26

Like I said what works for one doesn't another Hmm

BeginnerSAHM · 12/05/2014 11:27

Err - I tried - following to the letter - and failed. DC1 didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 and a bit. DC2 was an amazing sleeper from the start. We were less rigid/conscientious with DC2's routine. But I can't generalise from two different babies. I think babies tend to thrive on some kind of routine and I still prefer that sort of style but it is NOT the case that if you follow the GF programme to the letter your baby definitely will sleep (and do everything else) 'well'. And I had a huge online falling out with some GF fans on another online forum about it. Just saying...

Goldmandra · 12/05/2014 11:27

Ditto.

Retro, you are saying that every baby, without exception, could be successfully forced into this routine if their parents were following it rigidly.

This thread is full of people who followed it and it didn't work for their child.

I am saying that it works fine for some but not all. The exceptions that provide my evidence are right here on the thread.

I'd like to see your evidence that no exceptions exist.