to find it hard to trust him with ds now.

[medic78]

Ds is 20 months old. I had to pick up ds1 from an activity. I was probably gone 20 minutes. I left ds2 with dh and dd who is 7. As usual ds2 cried as I was leaving. Upon my return ds2 was asleep on the floor by the dor and dh was upstairs playing a computer game. I assumed dh had been downstairs with him trying to comfort him and eventually he fell asleep.
However dh came down to watch tv and said. "O he is asleep than. I thought he must be"
Aibu that it is not acceptable to go upstairs to pay a game leaving a probably distressed toddler downstairs with a 7 year old.
Background. Dh hasn't bonded that well with ds as he had very little contact when young. He was breastfed and came everywhere with me. I did all the basic care. Ds wasn't planned either and he claims lack of bonding is down to me still breastfeeding. Not because I felt the need to protect dh from his crying as he needed sleep.
Thank you

Not bloody men at all. My DH became a dad at 18 and has been an amazing hands on and equal in all aspects of parenting for the past 22 years!

To the OP, that's really fucking poor, I would tear him a new one TBH. Poor little DS, I hope he's ok now? Your "D"H needs to step up and start being a grown up.

I imagine it is a shock to the system to find out about an unplanned pregnancy, especially if contracteption is in place to try and prevent it, however he is Grown Man. With a family.

He needs to buck up or fuck off out of the home imo.

All of tge excuses are red herrings. not bonding doesn't even make sense.

I am not bonded to a strangers child and yet if I saw one sobbing and alone for a time I would comfort them and try to help. It's vadic instinct and very very very worrying he lacks that.

Hi op, that must have been horrible to realise your boy had obviously cried himself to sleep, on the floor :(

I'd be really upset and angry, really not fair on your 7 year old either.

Yep, chat time it is, he seriously needs to grow up, alright ds wasn't planned, but nor is he your first?!

What a nasty immature man.

Don't allow him to use your decision to breastfeed as an excuse for his inadequacy. My DD is two, was exclusively breastfed (and still BFs now and then!) and she couldn't be closer to her dad. There are many other ways to bond than giving an infant a bottle. Ugh.

You seem to accept that the fact your 3rd child was unplanned makes his Dad's failure to bond with him, (or even give him basic care) sort of understandable.

Did it affect your ability to look after him properly?

What's the difference?

Ds was a change of life baby so I guess we weren't as careful with contraception as we could have. As a result he feels I may have planned it.
Not an acceptable excuse though.

So he thinks you TTC without him knowing.

Yanbu this is unacceptable. I would sit down with h and have a serious talk with him.

WHAT?????

He is actually accusing you of getting pregnant on purpose behind his back?

Just..... WTAF????

It takes 2 to make a baby, he is just as responsible. If he really dident want a baby he should have put a bag on it!

We werent as careful. we

He jad his part to play in DSs cnception.If he didnt want a baby he could have snipped it or bagged it.

Or get snipped

My dd was not planned. Dp stilloves her unconditionally and would not use it as an excuse not to meet her needs. In fact, since early pregnancy he has never mentioned the unplanned thing again. No excuse.

Its time you sat him down and told him his issues with the way DS came about are exactly that, his issues which he had a hand in and not Ds's fault. If he can't wrap his head around that he needs to get help to see past it or he needs to ship out. That level of disregard is dangerous your Ds could have had anything happen to him. I do believe it is possible for men to experience pnd, either that or he sees DS as a deal breaker but just won't cross that bridge. Or he's just an inconsiderate wanker.
Either way this situation cannot continue, whats he going to do every time Ds gets hurt? Shrug and say well its your fault for getting pregnant?

Said as much in an argument.

Also OP, my ex became a father at 19. He hadn't seen the mother for 7 months when she told him she was 8 months pregnant. He was only allowed to see his daughter for 1 hour per week. He's a bloody amazing father, brilliantly bonded.

If the behaviour of your husband is down to his resentment of becoming a father again when he didn't plan to he needs to get over himself and stop the passive aggressive shit. He's had more than enough time to get over the shock, surprise and disappointment. He has a child he needs to take care of, emotionally and physically and you need to challenge him to do this. It's disgustingly neglectful to let a toddler sob himself to sleep on the floor whilst he plays games upstairs. He needs to stop acting like a spoiled, sulky teenager and start behaving like a father whilst he has the chance.

Absolutely neglectful and emotionally abusive behaviour. You need to tell him this is completely unacceptable or you will leave.

I have a 22 month old son and I feel absolute horror at the idea of him wandering around sobbing his heart out for 20 minutes and falling asleep by the door wondering where I am. :(

My dh is a fantastic daddy and would never behave like your dh. I went out for the day last week and left ds with him from 10am to 6pm and I know for a fact they had a lovely time together, went to the park and lots of giggles at home. Dh wouldn't dream of doing what your dh did. So its not a man thing at all.

So he blames you for getting pregnant and therefore thinks it's ok for him not to bond with or parent his son. He sounds like a massive prick.

DD2 wasn't planned, and we weren't in the right place physically or financially to have her. But we both still love her as much as the older 2, she's treated no different. Christ I'd have trouble being with a man who was such an arse to his own child and blamed his wife for getting pregnant. What does he think you did? Stole his fucking sperm and impregnated yourself?

Even if you did get pregnant on purpose against his wishes (and not saying you did).

It still wouldn't be the baby's fault.