To be conflicted about this?

[Lulu1083]

I have 3 dds. The oldest two are 13 and 11.

Me and DH have just learned that a man (23) who lives on the corner of our street has been caught grooming young girls by pretending to be a 16 yr old and convincing them to send indecent images of themselves to him. He's been put on a community order for 36 months.

The man in question lives with his parents, who are really nice people. I just don't know how I am going to speak to them in future. I know they have committed no crime and are totally blameless but it is going to be so awkward.

My most pressing issue is I don't know what to say to my dds, how much do I tell them? We've had the 'don't talk to strangers' chat but what do you say when it isn't a stranger, it's someone they know? I know I need to say something, as I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them and I had stayed silent, but at the same time I don't want to scare them too much as they'll have to walk past this house every day.

Advice needed please wise mumsnetters

I saw this link on another thread earlier, might be worth a read?www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/

As for his parents, you just treat them as you normally would, they haven't done anything wrong. It irks me that you would consider doing anything otherwise. Can't imagine they are dead keen on having to make polite conversation with the neighbours now either.

I would tell them the truth

You are not judging the parents

Facts are facts - protect your children first ,

I would absolutely tell them and tell them the full truth as reported in the paper.

I told my DD age 8 and my DS age 7 to stay away from a man I know stroked my God Daughter's leg on the bus.

My DD said this man is our friend because we see him every day on the bus. I told her just because we see him does not make him our friend and he did a very bad thing to S* and she is still very upset about it. Age appropriate and a warning that was necessary, as they go out to play and he lives just down the road.

OP do you live in the North West?

But that's totally different Mamma and of course I would speak to my children about that. This incident has nothing to do with the op or her children.

I think you have to balance risk assessment with scaring children unnecessarily. They have no interaction with this male, and if they are suitably advised about personal safety then I doubt they would enter anyone's home. After all, she might tell them specifically about Johnny from No 24, but what about the potential unknown risk of Mr Smith at No30? Better to give them general safety advice.

I would continue being friendly to the parents, it is not their fault what their son has done. I would warn your daughters to stay away from this man.

I think it is appropriate and right in the circumstances to talk to them specifically about this individual.
I absolutely hate pedophile hysteria and the kind of vigilante 'hunting' that goes on around sex offender maps and so on.
But a person you know they have or are likely to have contact with has been convicted of a crime and that's not speculation or hysteria.
You don't need to scare them. You just need to say to them that x, sue and tony's son, has been convicted of a crime, that his crime was asking young girls to send him inappropriate photographs, and that he is no longer allowed to speak to them, so if he approaches them, they should ignore him and let you know.

One of my parents' best friends, a man I really love, is the father of a sex offender. He's done nothing wrong, and has been absolutely tortured by his son's actions. It's incredibly sad. Your neighbours may have done everything right, and still their son may have done this. We don't even really understand how pedophiles are 'made', and it isn't the case that all of them grew up in an abusive or enabling environment.

Something very similar happened to us in our village. He did not get as far as any physical assault, but the grooming was in person, and via text. My DD knows the girls, they are in my DS's class.

We told them all about it. We told them both never to accept a lift unless they had arranged the lift with us. We have another person we have told them to watch for - a local parent with a drink problem and 2 DDs they know. We have said she must never drive them anywhere (she is drunk a lot) All of this we told them fairly bluntly. But it helps that we live in a tiny, remote area and they both do things with us or friends, not alone. They are 12 DD and 14 DS.

You are far better being blunt, and honest. They will know plenty of nice people with horrible children (or vice versa) and so will not be surprised that his parents are still OK to say hello to, but that they must avoid him and the house, unless accompanied by another adult.

In this circumstance I absolutely would talk to my DCs. TBH it is a perfect opportunity to discuss the reality of internet grooming. All too often teenagers think that they arent vulnerable and that internet grooming is an urban myth or happens to other people.

No Tequila I live in the South East.

Thanks for all the replies, particularly MrsJay, I did get the gist of it, this teenager stuff is all new to me, and sometimes feels more difficult than the toddler stage!

The girls have had plenty of Internet safety talks, both at home and school, and I'm very careful wrt what they access.

I've followed the 'tell them the truth' route, and told them who it was, and left it open so they can ask any questions they might have. I also used it to hammer the point home that people online aren't always who they say they are, so hopefully they'll be more aware than ever

Just smacks of trying to be involved in dramas that don't involve anyone else. After all, the children don't know this guy. Would you tell them about the occupants of other houses they walk by? Probably not.

Buy I sometimes think I have a more realistic view of danger than many on mumsnet. The world isn't full of kids getting enticed into houses by people they don't know on their way to school.

I have a 13 year old and I would show her the article and talk about the implications. This would be as well as the general chats and advice we have about managing difficult situations, whether on line or in day to day life. She's not scared, just a bit more prepared.

Specifically I think we'd probably agree that if this young man approached her that she'd be wary and that she'd tell me or her dad if anything occurred that hit her 'spidey sense'.

nicknacky I state clearly in my OP that the girls know him.

nicknacky that's ridiculous.

nicknacky something exactly like this happened in my area. LOADS of the teenage girls were discussing it at school. I think it makes perfect sense for the OP to discuss it with her teen.

I would definitely tell them in these circumstances.

nicknacky this man exposed himself to children and the girls sent him pictures
this man is a neighbour this isnt a bit of drama the OP is trying to get involved in don't be ridiculous
this sort of thing is rife It happened to somebody I know daughter .anyway the op is entitled to make her daughters aware that this man is a creep and they need to be wary of him, as i said before he is unlikey to snatch the girls off the street but men like him are charming and chatty and ordinary looking they are not walking about in dirty macs ,

nickynacky i can't decide if you are naive or goady