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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that there is no cure for a hoarder?

20 replies

mameulah · 09/05/2014 23:17

I hope I am being very, very unreasonable and that someone will tell me how to help make my DH declutter.

OP posts:
Cushioney · 09/05/2014 23:22

Have a look at the hoarders anonymous thread on good housekeeping. There are great tips on there

Good luck!

livelifememories · 09/05/2014 23:28

I think hoarding is like the same as depression and anorexia. As in the person who has the illness is the only person who can get rid of it.

My mum has it. I remember as a child that I would never be able to invite a friend over unless I gave her enough notice, as she and I were too ashamed for anyone to see the house as it was.

Original poster
mameulah · 09/05/2014 23:42

Great, off to look up Good Housekeeping's hoarders thread!

He genuinely doesn't find it a problem. I can't bear being overwhelmed with 'stuff'. It makes me feel physically ill.

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 10/05/2014 00:14

My sympathies my dh is also a hoarder.

I think livelife is right you can't fix them they have to do it themselves.

Original poster
mameulah · 10/05/2014 00:23

Or you have to do it for them?

Has anyone managed to persuade their dh to let them de clutter for them?

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 10/05/2014 00:30

As a hoarder i dont think there is a cure but i do think a person can be hoard free and manage their tendencies. The need to hoard is still there for me but i havent actually contributed to mine for several years. I'm still working on getting it down though.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 10/05/2014 00:31

I agree they have to do it themselves. The things they hoard are there for a reason and to that person it will be a good reason. They need to be in control of the way that thing leaves.

YellowTulips · 10/05/2014 00:56

No direct experience of this, but when you see TV program's about extreme hoarders I have to say I really struggle more with the partners reactions.

One was a guy whose Star Wars collection got way out of hand. The whole house was consumed by boxes - even the kids bedrooms had been used leaving no space to play.

I just couldn't understand why his wife had allowed this. It just dominated the whole family life - kids not able to have friends round etc.

I just couldn't live this way and especially allow the children to be impacted. I don't know how bad it is for you, I guess maybe it creeps up?

Not that helpful to you OP but I am not sure you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped - but my reaction would be "you want to live like stig of the dump - fine. However the downside is your family won't live with you".

FullySwindonian · 10/05/2014 01:23

Yes. You're right. There's no cure. Their possessions are more important than you. Test the theory if you like.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 10/05/2014 01:27

". Their possessions are more important than you"

Not true in all cases. My hoard has never extended beyond my bedroom. I am a hoarder, no doubt, but if either dc said they wanted it gone, it would go tomorrow.

ChubbyKitty · 10/05/2014 01:35

I hoard things because I get too sentimental about random things, it has got worse in the last year though.

I KNOW it's a problem and it's bad and my house is too small for so many things but I can't do it alone and I need someone ruthless to stop me squirreling pointless things away.

But so far there's no one willing, unless I went on one of those tv shows and I'd really rather not do that...

ChubbyKitty · 10/05/2014 01:37

Sorry! Yanbu! I need sleepGrin

I don't think there could be a cure per se, people hoard for different reasons. I do think there could be some kind of help though although I couldn't say what.

FullySwindonian · 10/05/2014 01:38

There is collectors, clutterers and full on Hoarders. I don't think you fall into the last category, SillyBilly :)

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 10/05/2014 01:46

I do. Small scale hoarding is still hoarding. My stuff isnt a collection or clutter. It's all there for a specific reason that isnt because it forms part of a collection.

Solo · 10/05/2014 01:47

Hoarders Anonymous Thread

Please do join us. It's a little slow atm, but still going!
(Judgy pants posters are requested not to make unhelpful comments please :). We know where our problems lie and we know what must be done).

No offence intended.

BOFster · 10/05/2014 01:50

Give it time. My mum only had to wait until my dad was 81 and too forgetful to check his stash.

HillyHolbrook · 10/05/2014 02:04

I'm a 'cured' hoarder in that I realised I had a problem and took steps against it. It's an ongoing battle and I have a really supportive DP who makes sure I stick to the one in, one out policy that I agreed to and gives me space when I get stressy over throwing things away.

The worst thing you can do is bin his stuff or confront him over it. He will never, ever change unless he wants to. For me, it took DP saying he wouldn't try for a baby with me unless I sorted this out, and I wanted babies more than I wanted 2 years worth of Cosmo magazine and 12 nail varnishes in the exact same colour.

He then helped me sort my things out one step at a time and didn't touch or move anything without me. I still have lots of things but they all have a place, rather than taking over the whole house, and if I want one more pair of shoes or something, I have to choose one to get donated, binned or sold so the new shoes have a space to go. It's working for me.

DizzyKipper · 10/05/2014 07:06

Perhaps not but it definitely helps when the hoarder (DH) lives with a minimalist (me).

rabbitrisen · 10/05/2014 07:09

google the psycological reasons for hoarding.

rabbitrisen · 10/05/2014 07:12

Here is just one of many that you get if you google "why do people hoard".
This one is the NHS one

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/hoarding/Pages/Introduction.aspx

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