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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sad that my daughter has left home.

16 replies

NCISaddict · 09/05/2014 18:49

Yesterday I helped move my DD, who is 22, move to her new flat, seventy miles away and I'm sad. Just because I miss her, not because I think she shouldn't have left home. I'm proud of her getting the first job she applied for post uni and getting a lovely flat but I still miss her. I won't ever tell her this but she's still my baby girl.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 09/05/2014 18:50

Aww

I think you should tell her, why wouldn't you?

gertiegusset · 09/05/2014 18:51

Aww, my DD will be moving out soon, Dss have gone and it will just be me and the old git left.
You do miss them.

Delphiniumsblue · 09/05/2014 18:57

They are always your baby! It is just a new phase of life and she will still be part of it.

Original poster

NCISaddict · 09/05/2014 19:00

I have told her I'll miss her but don't want her to worry, she has had a bit of anxiety issues since she finished uni, (despite getting a first) and I don't want to add to her problems. Just feeling blue, parenting is the only job in which your aim is redundancy! Still so proud of my baby though, seems like yesterday she was a chubby, smiley baby.

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 09/05/2014 19:05

Gulp. Dreading it. Ds1 sort of moved away at 16 but is home every weekend.

Original poster

NCISaddict · 09/05/2014 19:07

It's a new phase and the first time for me. DS is in Venice atm it's not permanent but DD's move is. I've been cleaning her room today as we're moving and it's bought it home.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 09/05/2014 19:10

Awww, stop it !

skinoncustard · 09/05/2014 19:10

My daughter moved out six years ago -300 miles away to be with boyfriend, ( a lovely bloke) missed her but was pleased they were so happy. They got married 3 weeks ago and just today it's hit me . I am very happy for them, they have done so well, bought a house, good jobs etc but something inside me is sad , I can't understand why ! but like you I would never tell them .

Original poster

NCISaddict · 09/05/2014 19:15

Feel for you skinI still want to protect DD but do accept she's grown up. Just makes me feel old and useless even though I still have DS who's 17 and DS1 who's still at unit so still my responsibility sort of.

OP posts:

skinoncustard · 09/05/2014 19:22

Yes, motherhood is a job for life. You want them to succeed , be confident, happy etc but the downside is they have to fly. I feel I did a good job with both DD's because they flew !!!!! Unfortunately both far away . But hey ho makes the meetings all the sweeter.

Bowlersarm · 09/05/2014 19:24

Are you moving house OP?

Your comment about feeling old is part of it I think. When we got married my lovely PIL were very involved with it all, life and soul of everything, but ended up not staying in the hotel and going home early, because they felt old, depressed, and that life had gone by so quickly. It just hit them, bam.

Hard to put in words, but I don't feel much older than I was at 19 going off to uni, and now my children are doing it. How have I got to that age, when I feel virtually no different, is beyond me.

Also, you are so involved with little DC, suddenly they don't need you. It's hard.

Original poster

NCISaddict · 09/05/2014 19:25

My DD wants to move to Australia in a couple of years(she's a paed nurse) and have to appear enthusiastic, a hard act.

OP posts:

Topseyt · 09/05/2014 19:28

Awww, my eldest daughter started uni last October so I sort of know what you mean.

I know mine hasn't yet fully moved out of home and still comes home for uni holidays regularly, but I felt devastated when we left her at her halls of residence. I held it together whilst we said goodbye and left her with her new friends, but when we got back to the car it was a good thing I wasn't driving (had husband there for that), because I just stopped dead in my tracks thinking "what now?" and dissolved into tears.

What I have been told since is that "you are still needed, just in a different way".

Chin up. You are not alone.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/05/2014 19:33

Oh, no - you are not being unreasonable at all. My daughter has moved out (she's not even that far away) but I feel really sad about it. Occasionally she comes home and spends the night, and I feel like a cat that's got the cream when she does. I just like it when my little family is all safe and sound at home and I know they're here.

It's so hard when they grow up and go away.

On the other hand, at times things could get a bit fraught, she wanted her independence and resented living at home. We were often at loggerheads over different things. Now she has moved out, she realises what a lovely life she had here, and when she comes home the mood is lovelier, and now we meet to go shopping, or for lunch/offee. We didn't do that so much when she was living here, because it would have been "so boring" (her words). Now she initiates it.

indigo18 · 09/05/2014 19:33

It's so hard! When my DT went to Uni I had to run round the corner as I waved goodbye so they wouldn't see me cry. Mind you, the streets seemed to be full of parents hiding a tear.

Original poster

NCISaddict · 09/05/2014 19:36

We are moving house in the next couple of weeks too,I've just finished cleaning her room so it's a wee bit final although she will always have space in whereever we live as will all my DC's until they have their own families.

OP posts:

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