To feel worried about splitting summer holidays with exh

[creativevoid]

I have two ds', just turned four and about to turn six. STBXH was EA and we only communicate via e-mail or through lawyers. We have been fighting in court over custody and are currently in an arrangement where he has them 3 nights per week and I have them four. He doesn't like the configuration and thinks he should be resident parent so the court case rumbles on. My elder son has behavioural problems (I think at least partially related to witnessing his father's treatment of me) and has just been referred to a child psychologist. We are trying to work out the arrangements for the summer. Current proposal (from me) is a fifty fifty split that goes one week with me, two weeks with ex, two weeks with me, one week with ex. I have asked that when not away there is a flexible arrangement for the other parent to see the children.

Although this is my proposal (guided by my lawyer) I am really stressed and don't think it will be good to be away from either one of us for such long stretches and to have their routine so disrupted .WIBU to back out and come up with something more like split weeks? I fought very hard in court not to have the boys have long stretches away from either parent and feel like I am totally reversing myself for the summer holidays and they are just too young to have their routine disrupted for so long.

Is there a reason for the long stretches, a foreign holiday perhaps?

I would have thought spit wee would be better especially if you don't feel comfortable in your ex's company.

I am planning to take them away for a week in the middle and a few days at the beginning. His brother is coming from abroad for the week at the end, so I am okay with that. It's just the long stretches otherwise.

I work ft so thought it would be easier to get childcare in chunks but am now regretting it...

I think it is inevitable to have weeks with each parent when you co-parent.

If it doesn't work then you will know, if you split it as 3/4 days each you won't have holiday away.

Has the proposal gone to his solicitor?

I am in a similar legal situation so I get where you are coming from. Fortunately, my ex has, eventually, been a bit more reasonable about DC needs to build up contact gradually, but this was hard fought.

My DC is slightly younger than yours. Thinking about the schedule you have initially proposed, the question would be really whether you can separate out his treatment of you from his ability to be a father and his relationship with DC. Would they be able to cope with two weeks with him, or does this need to be build up gradually? I would certainly say the two week block plan you outline is good and fair longer term; whether it should be your starting point for this summer is another matter. Two weeks for a four year old is a long time.

I am not clear what you mean by flexibility to see the other parent. That might be the point to go back on, rather than overhauling the whole arrangement, i.e as they are little and it is important that they see both parents regularly, you want to formalise what that means. If I were your ex, I would certainly be looking to do that.

The alternative is to withdraw your proposal and stick with split weeks through the summer until your have the child psychologist assessment and advice, and can make an informed decision. But I don't know if a court would uphold that.

Could you do it in weekly chunks? Is it possible to use the same childcare solution?

The boys are used to spending lots of time with their dad so it's not about building up contact. It's more that 2 weeks away from your mum or dad when you are 4 and used to very frequent contact is difficult.

I have already submitted this proposal to his lawyer so taking it back would be awkward and possibly detrimental to my case. I just don't want the boys to suffer any more than they already are.