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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this woman to keep pointing out how short DS is ALL the time?

73 replies

fairyfairyscruff · 08/05/2014 19:48

DS is 4. He is not 5 until the end of July. He attends school full time, and is the youngest in his class. He is quite small, think he was on the 25th centile when he had that weighing/measuring thing done earlier in the school year, but I'm not bothered as he eats well, and there are several other boys in his class of the same height. DH is very tall but was always small as a child, so I guess DS is the same.

There is a mum at school who has an older DD in the same year as my older DD. I know her to say hello to, but she's an acquaintance rather than a friend. I don't know her well. She has twin boys who are in DS's class. Their birthday is the first week in September, so they are almost a whole year older than DS, and they are both very tall.

Ever since DS started school in September, this woman has gone on and on about how short he is. If ever I am standing with her at school drop off or pick up, she makes a comment about how he is so short, or he doesn't look old enough to be in school, and isn't it funny how her sons are so much taller than DS.

Also sometimes if she is standing near me at pick up, she forgets (or pretends to forget!) that DS goes to school. So he will come out, as will her boys and she will say something to DS like "Mini Fairy, just think, next year you will be going to big school, too". Then I say "He already goes to school, he's in the same class as your boys", she acts all shocked and then talks again about how small he is, and she forgets that he goes to school.

It is really starting to irritate me now. AIBU to get pissed off with her comments? I think she has a sense of superiority because her twins are tall, but it's not a competition. Kids are all different, right? Avoiding her isn't really an option as it's quite a small school and she often comes and stands near me at collection time.

OP posts:
PeaceLillyDoge · 09/05/2014 05:47

Personally I'd give her a good ole death stare and ignore. Usually shuts ppl up and keeps them at bay.

coralanne · 09/05/2014 06:07

I know exactly how you feel. My DD's friend always does the exact same thing.

DD has 5 DC as does her friend.

Recently we all spent the day together and I remembered what it was that annoyed me about this woman.

"Look how tall (her DD is compared to"***"" ). This went on and one comparing all 5 DC.

In the end I pointed out to her that my DD comes up to her shoulder and it would be a pretty boring world if we were all the same height and shape.

I mentioned it to DD later and she just laughed it off. It doesn't worry her at all. I'm pretty proud of my DD. She is always so cool, calm and collected.

Swisskissingisbetterthenfrench · 09/05/2014 06:50

The answer is ' yes small but perfectly formed, don't you know all the best things come in small packages'

Then act uninterested/neutral

25 percentile is only a bit smaller then average for his age. My kids are 2nd percentile for both height and weight mostly and they are far far far more agile, coordinated, balanced then larger more solid kids. They also get a lot of attention from older kids as they are easy to playfully throw around.

Swisskissingisbetterthenfrench · 09/05/2014 06:53

Also some tall kids are overly tall due to overeating/over feeding.

JapaneseMargaret · 09/05/2014 07:41

She is bonkers, no? What the devil does she think you're doing at the school gate, if not collecting him from school? Confused

Does she think the two of you go and hang out there for the craic...?

Am I missing something spectacular?

AWombWithoutARoof · 09/05/2014 07:48

I can't bear parents like this, so insecure they find competition in everything. And about something so ludicrous as height!

I'm not sure what you can say, apart from "you do know you asked that last time?". I think if you mention something height specific in your retort she'll think your bothered about it (rather than her) and you'll get head tilting.

Try to avoid her!

RachelWatts · 09/05/2014 07:55

My grandmother used to say "They don't make diamonds as big as bricks" to people who pointed out that my DF was by far the shortest boy in his class.

BerniesBurneze · 09/05/2014 08:01

I would use an incredulous horrified look and say no words.

Let your disgust speak for itself then hurry away. What a weird woman she is!

BerniesBurneze · 09/05/2014 08:01

Aww Rachel, what a lovely phrase!

JonesRipley · 09/05/2014 08:03

Does she also say it in front of him?

I think I'd say: "You've said this time and time again. You are now being rude"

Bunbaker · 09/05/2014 08:05

Have you actually said anything to her about these comments? There are some great suggestions on this thread, and I think you should just tell her that you don't think it is appropriate that she should be saying these things.

sixlive · 09/05/2014 08:09

Does having taller children make you a better mother - then wander off..

MyFirstName · 09/05/2014 08:11

I think for my DS's sake I would ask her to stop. Just politely. Calmly.

"It is interesting to compare - however you have said that too many times in front of DS. I do not want him to think he is defined only by his height. Please do not say it again."

And then just repeat "Please do not say that again" until she finally stops. Anything PA just isn't worth it imo. Calm, polite, factual she can take offence if she wants - but that will be down to her and not actually what you have done.

DH's skinniness was always commented on when he was little - he says it made him feel belittled. And defined solely by his weight.

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 09/05/2014 08:20

MyFirstName's answer is good. I was always the shortest and the comments drove me nuts.

patienceisvirtuous · 09/05/2014 08:20

Urgh. My cousin is like this. Obsessed with being tall because her whole family are tall. She has literally mentioned height at least a million times!

patienceisvirtuous · 09/05/2014 08:21

Urgh. My cousin is like this. Obsessed with being tall because her whole family are tall. She has literally mentioned height at least a million times!

TheReluctantCountess · 09/05/2014 08:23

Ask why she is so obsessed with your som's height.

Actually, maybe she is just trying to make conversation and can't think of anything else to say. Do you ever start the conversation? Ask her about her handbag/shoes/car/whatever - see if she will talk about something else.

FrancesNiadova · 09/05/2014 08:32

Oh it's bonkers isn't it. My eldest DS was always very tall & built like a reed: he still is. But I used to get all the comments the other way round, "Ooh a big lad like that, why can't he do X, Y, Z?" Because he's only 4 FFS!
(He's born in the 2nd 1/2 of the school year).

I don't know why the shorter/taller children get singled out for this type of unfair scrutiny. Who wants to be average anyway?

Next time mad mummy comes & mentions your boy's size, I'd just smile & say, "yes, you said," & move away from her.

70hours · 09/05/2014 08:33

LOL - had is all the time with my DD - who has just hit puberty later than her friends and is shooting up nicely. Think she will end up about 5:5-5:7 a pretty decent height if you ask me. What's funny is that she going to end up the same height - poss a bit taller than the girl of the woman who constantly co pars them - Who cares anyway - some people just turn everything into a competition

ILiveOnABuildsite · 09/05/2014 08:49

Ignore as others have said.

I know it's probably hard I regularly have similar conversations with a couple of parents at a playgroup. My dd is only 2.5 but looking at her you would think she is around 4 she is so tall but because she is on the 50centile for her age in weight she is super skinny because her normal weight is stretched over a tall body. I get so many comments along the lines of "it must be hard having a fussy eater, my child eats anything!" The thing is she isn't fussy and eats well but is tall and gangly by nature. Of course I also get "my isn't she tall it must be hard always shaving to explain why she can't talk properly yet". She talks just fine for a 2.5 yo and it's never a problem, sometimes people assume she is older and try to have older conversations with her but when I say she is only 2 they accept that and lower their expectations. Sometime in playgrounds older children try playing with and then complain to me or their parents that she isn't responding/doesn't want to play with them but that can't be helped they just assume she is their age when she is a little younger.

It's just not as big a deal as those couple of parents at playgroup make it out to be so I ignore them mostly.

NobodyLivesHere · 09/05/2014 09:11

dd2 is an august baby and started school wearing age 12-18 month clothes. every single effing day for months this other mother would comment on how small she was and how she didn't look old enough. annoying as hell. as an aside, now shes y2 and above average height for her age!

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:18

Just call her our on it.

you do realise it very odd that you feel the need to pretend that you don't know my child is in the same class is yours. Or that you need to mention his height EVERY time you see him, he is nearly a full year younger than your children...are you trying to make them look tall in comparison to a little boy a year younger than them? /end rant with added head tilt and concerned look

Viviennemary · 09/05/2014 09:23

She's awful. Next time she says this just say excuse me and walk away. And do that each time.

Ioethe · 09/05/2014 10:26

"You should probably speak to someone about those memory lapses. I'd be worried if I couldn't remember my children's classmates."

Darmok · 09/05/2014 10:32

Brilliant Ioethe :)

That's perfect.