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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for some really, really strong views on sterilisation

13 replies

NameNewForThis · 08/05/2014 14:18

I have a hospital appointment next month to talk about this.

My GP warned me that they will try to shift me onto the Mirena Coil, its not guaranteed I'll get booked in.

Can I ask for some really vigorous "anti" arguments, any experiences of the appointment, etc?

I'd rather have someone here ask me a question and be prepared for it.

I really want this - its not a contraception issue thing I haven't had any issues with the Pill, and in fact find it very useful for skin, managing periods etc!

Have a history in my family of (very) severe child abuse, depression, so would like to cut it short so I can emotionally take a deep breath: the prospect of being fertile terrifies me. I'm 30 and childless.

And sorry I know it's "Mums" net, so I don't mean to annoy anyone, but I just find there are some very good, strong viewpoints on here.

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 08/05/2014 14:20

Because of everything you have said above.

You have thought about it long and hard and come to the same conclusion every time. You will not change your mind.

Shallishanti · 08/05/2014 14:26

I think as long as the prospect of being fertile terrifies you, you are not in a good position to make an irreversible decision about it. You need to make the decision in a calm and clear sighted way, not with all the burdens you have outlined. Have you had any counselling or therapy?

drinkingtea · 08/05/2014 14:26

I imagine that whoever talks to you will want to be sure you won't change your mind if you "meet your perfect partner" and they want children. Explain yourself as clearly as you did in your OP. A friend of mine was turned down at 35 with 2 kids - the doctor asked her whether she could be sure she wouldn't want another if ahe divorced and re-married, or if hers died! She said she was sure, but he still talked her into the coil instead, so you may be right that you will have to be firm in your resolve and somewhat insistant.

meditrina · 08/05/2014 14:28

You might want to have a look at this table of 'fail' rate of the different methods

Female sterilisation is not (according to these researchers, who are authors of textbooks on contraception, in 2011) safer than Mirena. If the hospital doctor points this out to you, how would you respond?

Does anyone have other research which contradicts this? For that would help OP argue this point.

hotsummerhols · 08/05/2014 14:50

I agree with Meditrina. I have the implant which I chose because it's the most reliable form of contraception. Getting pregnant was disastrous for me and I didn't hesitate to have a termination because I know I did not want a child. But I wouldn't want to go through that again so choosing a method like sterilisation which is 10 times less reliable would be madness. The table in the link mentions Implanon, which has been replaced by Nexplanon and is even more reliable, so that's one I'd recommend.

I've had the Mirena coil get 'lost' so although it's more reliable than sterilisation, I still wouldn't choose it again.

Original poster
NameNewForThis · 08/05/2014 15:02

Thanks, please keep the opinions coming. I'm making a list of all the points and will print it off. In the unlikely event that I do get it, I'm planning to stay on the Pill - will this be viewed as "weird"?

I'm not in a relationship or sexually active at the moment, how will this be viewed?

The reason I've asked for this referral now is I had an idea I'd be turned down due to age, before. Also I would simply go private if I had the spare cash, if I save up £2000 then that's the first thing I'd get!

I can't go into the details of my family, but one of the few ways I can keep emotional equilibrium is knowing that I'm doing my best to ensure I'm not passing anything on: I'd rather have the regret of vaguely wanting children, and not being able to have them, than the possibility of repeating the dynamic.

I had the prospect of being sent off for an arranged marriage and being forced to have children hanging over me, until I ran away and still have to live in semi-hiding.

OP posts:
Nomama · 08/05/2014 15:14

Big hug, first!

Ask your GP for a referral and speak to a counselor. They will help you get all of this sorted in your head. Not to change your mind but so when you go for that appointment you will be able to clearly articulate your reasons, and you may well get a psych report to back you up, too.

Get in touch with Womens Aid and get them to help you out too. If you have someone to help you clearly articulate your reasons you may have less bother getting someone to listen properly. But you will still need to jump a lot of hurdles, as you say you are young, yet!

It is your body and your choice, if you choose to do something so irreversible for the reasons you have given then you really should be able to get the support you need.

Good luck.

Lottapianos · 08/05/2014 15:20

Big hand hold here. I'm also childless by choice and partly because of my family history which is similar to yours. I asked to be referred for sterilisation when I was about 27 and it was a categorical 'no', definitely not before I was 30. So you are now at the age where they should stop refusing on age grounds.

Be prepared for loads of crap about how you 'will' change your mind, it's permanent (as if you don't know that already!), it's irreversible etc etc etc. Emphasise that you are trying to make a responsible choice here and that you do not want to have to deal with the possibility of a termination.

By the way, I'm a long term pill user and no it's not weird at all! Just in case you do end up deciding to go that route. Good luck

HolidayCriminal · 08/05/2014 16:17

It's your body, OP, you should do what you want. Hope you get support you need. (Sorry, not the types of opinion you asked for)

coffeeslave · 08/05/2014 16:29

I had my tubes tied at 24 (no kids) and used a lot of the arguments in here for dissenters:

enlightenment.supersaturated.com/essays/text/carolynray/shame_children.html

It's long but worth a read!

SnookyPooky · 08/05/2014 16:42

I was sterilized in my early 30's. I have always known that I wanted to be child free and my DH felt the same. He wouldn't get the snip, so it was down to me.

I had to convince my Dr as he thought I might be too young but after that it was just a matter of waiting for the referral.
I'm 45 soon and I don't think regret it for a second, rather the opposite.

Some people, like me just know they never, ever want to have children.

SnookyPooky · 08/05/2014 16:44

don't even think about it

SnookyPooky · 08/05/2014 16:48

Oh for God's sake, I mean that I don't even think about it or regret it for a second.

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