To ask if you think internet dating just won't work for some people?

[mytwoblackandwhitecats]

I am interested in this as my ventures into the world of OD are - unsuccessful!

But that isn't to say it doesn't work at all, just that for some of us, especially those not blessed shall we say in the looks department, it may not work. By that I think some think that if you just stick it out for long enough and send enough messages you'll get sorted in the end, but I'm not so sure.

AIBU?

I think it works if you want dating. Not sure it leads to long term relationships. I used Match.com for 6 months in my late 20s after I split with a long term bf. I had a date every weekend for the 6 months. It was a great ego boost and simply fun.

I didn't meet anyone I thought had long term potential though. A lot of guys in the same situation as me - recent break up, etc.

I've only had two dates! So I don't find it an ego boost really getting ignored hmphh!

I would say it won't work for the majority.

I met my husband through internet dating.
Both my sister and my mother met their current partners through internet dating.

I have a friend who uses internet dating and has done for years. It has been a complete disaster for her. All she attracts are weirdoes and dick heads

I did a lot of the 'first' messaging OP. It was commented on by most dates that very few women make the first 'move'. If I thought the guy was cute, I sent a message. No harm in it.

That's what I did too star with my DH - life's too short!!

Well yes, I've done this but get ignored!

I suppose in a way that's what I'm trying to get at: you (by that I really mean me) could be on a site for months on end, doing all the 'right' things and sending messages but if someone sees your pic and doesn't like the look of it then they're probably not going to reciprocate?

W

Won't work for me. I am the problem - I just can't get past the whole numbers game element of it. I have an 18 month old ds and when I have a babysitter, I want to go out and have fun with my friends, not meet some guy I probably won't fancy. Plus I am terrible for dismissing men based
on the most spurious of reasons - but that is online dating for you. I know the problem is me by the way. Anyway, it wouldn't ever work for me unless I were to give it a proper go.
But if you know are willing to give it a proper go, of course it works.
Luckily I met my boyfriend in real life so it was about chemistry not a checklist of attributes. If we split up, I would stick to real life again I think.

But why would it work, even if you are willing to give it a proper go? Why wouldn't it be the case that some people wouldn't be attractive to others?

I don't know why but I have VERY little interest - if I do it's from men 20 years my senior.

I tried it years ago but it didn't work for me. I found the whole scenario of meeting up with someone you've never met before and having to decide after a few hours what you think of them very stressful. It made me realise that I am someone who needs time to get to know someone. They have to grow on me as people before I can tell if I am attracted or not. So I stopped after a few months.

I think it can work for some people but not for others. I've had success with OD and do find it easier than meeting people in real life as I'm a bit of a shut in and rarely have the chance to meet anybody outside of my circle of friends.
One thing I've found though is that it doesn't always accurately portray how attractive somebody is. There is the element of well chosen, perhaps slightly out dated photos, that aren't a good representation of the person, but also I've found I find people more attractive once I've met them and spent time with them if we get on well. My friends both male and female agree. I think sometimes photos aren't the most accurate way to rate attractiveness in that sense.

I met my DP through internet dating four and a half years ago. I didn't have a picture up (paranoia that someone I know would see me ) and I messaged him first. He's the love of my life.

I agree about photos not being a good representation.

Some people are very attractive and very photogenic. They will probably attract a lot of interest. But if their personality is unattractive then, once they meet their 'date', things won't work out and they'll waste a lot of time on first dates.

Some people really aren't attractive at all. If they have an attractive personality it will make their physical appearance attractive to those who know them. But, as people on a website don't know them, they might get very little interest.

Some people are attractive but really unphotogenic and might not get the interest their looks deserve. Others are not attractive but can find the odd few photos that catch them in their best light and might disappoint their dates when they meet them in the flesh.

A system that relies mostly on appearance (at least at first) is always going to be a let down for loads of people.

I know lots of people who it has worked for - the majority of the most recent brides and grooms I know of were brought together by the internet.

I'm currently dating a man I met on Tinder - his looks in RL are better than his photos and he is a nice guy, not yet sure where this is going though. I like him and find him attractive so far.

I find dating nerve wracking though - even after 5 dates I STILL can't relax! Nightmare.