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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this primary school is being extremely rude?

51 replies

AdrenalineOverload · 08/05/2014 11:03

We have recently moved (took much longer than we hoped) so DC4 was put on the waiting list for the school 2 mins walk away as he is due to start Reception in September.

He was offered a place last week and initially I was delighted as some of his nursery friends will be going to the same school so I called the school and asked if I could arrange a visit for myself and DS so he could see his school and I could have a look round as I know nothing about this particular school. I wanted to look around before I accepted the place really.

I was told rather abruptly that the school was 'too busy' to facilitate us visiting the school and we would have to wait until we were invited in at the end of June for a settling in session.

I later emailed the school questioning this as when my older 3 DC have changed schools I have never been told that I could not look around whatever school they were going to. The school have not even responded to my email.

AIBU to think that this is really rude and I am quite perturbed about my DS starting there now if they are this rude before DC even start there!

OP posts:
AngelsWithSilverWings · 08/05/2014 12:02

Our school would exactly be the same. They don't have the spare time or spare staff for this sort of visit. They have 120 children joining each year.

It has a very structured reception induction process with a series of tightly scheduled visits.

They do the new intake visits on a week when the current reception children will be going through transition preparation in their new Y1 classrooms. This leaves nice empty and tidy reception classrooms for the new children to look around without feeling intimidated.

The school has to be a tightly run ship because of it's large number of pupils squeezed into a small building and the fact that there is so much pressure on the timetable.

yummumto3girls · 08/05/2014 12:04

My DD is starting in September, we are also in the process of moving areas. Before I applied to the local school I wanted to look around which I really didn't think was unreasonable. It took me 6 weeks to get an appointment because the Head liked to do all the visits herself and it takes up to an hour. It was annoying to have to chase and wait so long at the time but we had a detailed tour, however in your case I really don't see why a TA or school office staff couldn't give you a quick tour with any questions answered later. YANBU

LtEveDallas · 08/05/2014 12:05

We are doing an in-year admission for DD (9) as we are moving areas in June. Her new school couldn't have been more helpful. The headmistress took us around on Tuesday and has given us such a good impression of the school that DD had a meltdown in the car on the way home because she wants to go there NOW Smile

I think that is pretty poor of the school OP. When we enquired the Headmistress straight away said that week 12-16 May was no good (and told us why), but she would take us around any other day, and even gave us a small list of days that would 'show the school at its best' (days where there was choir/orchestra assembly, when DDs class was starting a new project, when the May Fayre was on etc).

I wouldn't be happy with that at all - and I'd worry about how much pressure a school like that was putting on the Yr6's if SATs are that important that every teacher in the school was too busy to do anything else.

RoadRunner123 · 08/05/2014 12:10

Agree that is pretty poor and I wouldn't be happy either!

BridgeOfWhys · 08/05/2014 12:13

A primary school is a building and cannot be rude. You are talking about one person in a primary school full of staff.

One person has said you can't look around as they are too busy. Do you even know what member of staff it was? Primary schools are manic around SATS time and yours is not the only email that has landed in their inbox. Sometimes you will have to wait a few days for a response.

BridgeOfWhys · 08/05/2014 12:15

Teachers tend to teach. So no, they won't be able to show you around.

Perhaps there are interviews this week meaning the SLT are all busy.

Just wait for a response. You have heard ONE person say no. Maybe they are just busy this week and they didn't convey it well.

Original poster
AdrenalineOverload · 08/05/2014 12:18

Bridge thanks for pointing that out.

I don't really care who shows me around. It does not have to be a teacher.

OP posts:
froomeonthebroom · 08/05/2014 12:23

Whereabouts in the country are you op? ( nosey!)

gordyslovesheep · 08/05/2014 12:27

why can you not just visit on the settling in day? To be honest you sound a little bit pushy and demanding - the school have suggested to visit on the day set aside for new intake children ...in 4/6 weeks

Original poster
AdrenalineOverload · 08/05/2014 12:27

Hertfordshire froome

OP posts:
ThisIsLID · 08/05/2014 12:28

I've always visited the school before the dcs started, esp at that age.
No teacher has ever do the visits. It has always been the head of the deputy head who did that, even in a school with 3 class per year (so about 90 pupils per year).
I've never had a school saying NO. They might have said that they couldn't do it this week but could the week after.

I am wondering if the issue is a misunderstanding between the school and the OP.
The OP wants to see the school as she has never seen it before, even though she has applied for it.
The school has a parent whose child has been accepted and who says she wants to do a visit with her dc, ie the visit is for the child sake not for the parent iyswim. So they expect the child to do his 'visit' at the same time than the others.
The fact it's SATS week has nothing to do with IMHO. The OP wasn't suppose to know about it (i didn't think about it for once, even though one of my dcs is in Y5) so if that IS the issue they should have explained.

Original poster
AdrenalineOverload · 08/05/2014 12:28

Yes but what is I'm not happy with the school gordy. Appeal deadlines are 16th May here if I want to try for another school.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdrenalineOverload · 08/05/2014 12:29

what if not is.

OP posts:
KEGirlOnFire · 08/05/2014 12:29

OP YANBU!!

When we were choosing a school for DD we phoned a number of schools to ask to have a look around. The local village school (and the reason we moved to the area) refused to let us come around to have a look and told us to attend an Open Day with all the other parents.

When choosing a school for my PFB Wink, I don't want to go on a day when they've prepared specifically for it. I want to go and see what the school is like at it's busiest/craziest.

That school is within walking distance and had an Outstanding Ofsted, but we ended up putting it as third choice. We never went to look around, knowing that we were likely to get either our first or second choice.

The one we chose were more than happy to show us around, the HT did it and answered all our questions. DD loves it and is very happy there. Strangely the other school have had a number of Reception children who left in the first term. So I'm glad I went with my gut. It's an important decision and we were very lucky to have a choice of several very good village schools, but the local school just came across as arrogant and 'we're not desperate to have your child so we're not going to bother'.

The response you received was rude and I would be tempted to look elsewhere, keeping your options open.

ThisIsLID · 08/05/2014 12:30

And asking to see the school and not wait 4~6 weeks isn't pushy!

What I would never have done though us applying wo visiting the school before hand!

Thenapoleonofcrime · 08/05/2014 12:30

I agree with you OP, I have visited schools to see them and this is usual. I do get that it is SATS but they could have said- come back in two weeks. Perhaps they will as they haven't replied yet.

It is not weird to visit a school to see if your children want to go there, if you don't come from the area. I have been to visit schools which save all the parents up though and get a few to visit at once, as a lot of individual visits would be disruptive.

BridgeOfWhys · 08/05/2014 12:31

Sorry, I was responding the the person saying that a teacher should be available.

I reckon the response to your email will be trying to persuade you to wait for the new intake day. Did you say in the email that you needed to see the school before the appeal day?

ThisIsLID · 08/05/2014 12:33

Maybe you should do more research and look at other schools around.
And be much clearer with the school and tell them that you want to see the school before accepting the place.

BurningBridges · 08/05/2014 12:36

The two schools I am involved with are run like we want to attract your "custom" - we want your children! We actively want parents to be involved and ask questions and look round (over 700 children in each school so no mean feat). We are often aghast at how other local schools behave; there is no need for it. That's why we are different and dare I say, so successful (stealth-boast-don't-care)

So do you really want your child to go there?

ilovesooty · 08/05/2014 12:37

So if appeals have to be in by 16th your need to look round is urgent. Given the busy nature of this week you haven't much time, especially if you don't like the school (and seemingly you wanted your child to go elsewhere in the first place)

Migsy1 · 08/05/2014 12:42

Possibly an indication of the school's attitude to parents. I'd ask again and spell it out that you need to look around the school. In fact, why not phone the Council (or parent partnership) and ask for their opinion on whether or not you should be allowed to look? Surely, the school can give you 15 minutes or so at the end of the school day?

Original poster
AdrenalineOverload · 08/05/2014 12:42

What happened ThisIsLID is that we put down the other school in this area as out first choice although we had not moved here yet (we stayed in the same town) as our older DCs went there so we know it. This school was not given as we were not yet in catchment until we had moved and we were offered the 'inadequate' school in our old catchment.

As soon as we exchanged contracts 3 weeks ago, I contacted the LEA and informed them of our new address. I then waited a week for them to tell me where we were on the waiting list for our preferred school which is 10 mins walk in the other direction from our new house. We were told we were No 28 so I knew we had no chance. I then asked them to put us on the waiting list for the closer school and was told we were top of the list but we should keep the place in our old catchment if we wanted DS to have a school place at all in September. I had been to look at this school. What with moving and unpacking I did not think to immediately visit the closer school and was shocked to get a letter a week later saying we had a place.

I really did not think I was being unreasonable in wanting to visit it after we had been offered a place but hey ho!

OP posts:
Cerisier · 08/05/2014 12:44

OP I wouldn't be very happy either. It all sounds so disinterested and dismissive. Not a good sign.

At my school Admissions take prospective students and their parents round. At my previous school a couple of sixth formers would be given the job and the Head or Deputy would meet and greet. The whole idea is to make people feel welcome, to answer any questions and to show off the place.

I understand the school is small but how hard can it be to organise some students to walk you round and a member of staff to meet you for ten minutes? You are not expecting tea and sandwiches and to be serenaded by the school choir.

Original poster
AdrenalineOverload · 08/05/2014 12:50

It is a 500 pupil school. When my older DCs attended the other primary school in this area (my preferred school), some DCs did move there from this school due to bullying issues ilrc. Both schools have a 'good' ofsted rating as opposed to the other school I was offered being in special measures but I know from experience that ofsted ratings have little significance to the DC's experiences!

OP posts:
Gurnie · 08/05/2014 12:51

No excuse imho. It's not acceptable to just say "bring him in on the settling in day" that assumes he is going and that you are happy with it...what if you're not?

I was just thinking about when Dd was starting at her infant school which was HUGE. There were 2 local schools that were both very good. Lots of parents struggled to decide which school to go for. Some of my friends went round twice to be sure they were happy with their choice.

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