Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think it's unacceptable to just shrug off toddlers violence?

24 replies

spottymog · 07/05/2014 23:12

I was waiting for a train with dd today, she's 22 months. It was raining and we didn't take a pushchair so obviously the safest and best place to be was the indoor waiting room. Dd had a teddy with her and there was a box of toys on a table. Dd was playing at the table with teddy under her arm when a mum and her son, who I recognised from a toddler group, came in. The little boy is 2.5 (I remember there being cake to celebrate his birthday before Christmas.)

He came over and said hello, while his mum sat in the furthest corner of the waiting room. He then took what dd was playing with out of her hand and said 'no! Stupid!', she looked at me and I said it's ok and asked the little boy to share nicely please. He shouted no and slapped me before pushing dd over. His mum came over andtold him hhe's naughty and to say sorry.

He went off with his mum for a few minutes then came back and took dds teddy from under her arm, which she protested about and put out her arms for it back saying please. He slapped her across the face, then picked up a wooden piece of train track and went to hit her over the head with it. I stepped in and said no etc and picked dd up, thereby getting hit again. His mum was engrossed in her phone and hadn't seen what happened so I went over to tell her.

She shrugged and said: 'what do you want me todo? He wwants to play, I can hardly keep him over here.'

I said: 'he isn't playing, he's taking dds belongings and hitting us both'

She said: 'hes 2.5, he doesn't understand that your dd won't share.'

I said: 'she'd happily share. She hasn't had the chance to because your ds has slapped, pushed, shouted at and attempted to beat her with a piece of wood.'

She shrugged and said: 'hes 2.5 for god sake, kids get impatient. What do you expect?'

I said: I'd expect you to do.something about it, like telling him off or at the very least coming over to supervise him.

She rolled her eyes and went back to her phone. Dd wouldn't play anymore and hid her teddy in her bag but he still kept coming over to her and shouting at her.

Aibu to think this isn't 'just what kids do' and that she should've done something more?

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 07/05/2014 23:19

YANBU, but unfortunately some people are rude, selfish, shit parents.

thevelvetoverground · 07/05/2014 23:21

What she said ^

Gurnie · 07/05/2014 23:22

No, it isn't "just what kids do", well some small children might but most of their parents care enough to step in and guide them and help them to behave gently. Yanbu, she sounds awful.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/05/2014 23:25

Seams to be a stock response of mine lately but some people are just wankers

JassyRadlett · 07/05/2014 23:27

Yep, crap parenting. YANBU. Two is plenty old enough to have boundaries and have them enforced.

DotToDott · 07/05/2014 23:28

YANBU, yes some children do hit out, but they have to be taught that it's not acceptable.

hope your DD is ok!

Bettercallsaul1 · 07/05/2014 23:29

This was very selfish, lazy parenting which, unfortunately, you and your daughter got the brunt of.

You are not at all unreasonable to object, and the mother should have taken action after you complained.

MyLatest · 07/05/2014 23:34

YANBU.She is a twat. God help the kid.

Original poster

spottymog · 07/05/2014 23:37

Just felt annoyed that she inferred dd shouldn't take a toy (teddy) out unless she is willing to 'share' it. Sharing would've been him asking if he could see it IMO, not just snatching it. 2.5 is old enough to know that not everything belongs to you, surely?

OP posts:

Spero · 07/05/2014 23:37

A child slapping a strange adult? that sounds quite worrying. I don't think that is what kids just 'do' and if it is, I would expect an adult to intervene to stop it.

Quoteunquote · 07/05/2014 23:38

Unfortunately the mother won't remember this moment or any of the other moments like this, when she could of tackled her son's behaviour. But she will regret it, mainly in the run up and during the teen years, but by then it will take more than parent intervention.

Very sad, lazy parent, and it is her child that will pay the price.

It is precisely the easiest age to get a child to adjust their interaction with others, because when you have explained to them how they are expected to behave, if they don't comply, you instantly pick them up and leave, not possible once they are bigger.

bishboschone · 07/05/2014 23:41

My son is globally delayed and at nearly 3 he can't talk and walks with a frame . However he knows wrong from right . . how to sign please if he wants something and to never hit any one or anything. It sounds like her parenting is very passive and that's how he is allowed to behave . I work very hard to make my son under stand what's right or wrong and how to behave so if I can teach him surely you can teach an NT child -

HavannaSlife · 07/05/2014 23:43

I wouldn't say its old enough to know not wvwrything belongs to you but its old enough to learn not to snatch and smack. If the parent can be bothered to teach them and its sound like this one cant be arsed

PrincessBabyCat · 07/05/2014 23:47

I was very rough and tumble as a kid still am with DH but my parents never let me get away with hitting/biting/being rough with other kids. To some extent she's right, but at the same time, it's something you need to constantly crack down on before the kid learns to behave on their own.

maras2 · 08/05/2014 00:47

Useless wagon.Good for you for taking her to task.

miramar · 08/05/2014 01:07

I had something similar this week. A 3-4yo grabbing all toys in a shared setting, growling at other children while taking their toys, and his mother was encouraging him, by taking toys off any children who wouldn't give them up freely.

I know, I know, it sounds so unlikely but really who could think this stuff up?

All I could think to say was "he's behaving aggressively, and you can see where he gets it from." Any other suggestions for replies are gratefully accepted , although I hope I never encounter them or anyone similar again.

Oh and the mum said my toddler DS "looked like a girl." Obviously the highest insult she could think of. Not that I care, but he was dressed in blue and beige, and she heard me using his obviously-male name.

Caaaaaaah!

Blueuggboots · 08/05/2014 01:58

My DS is 3. He knows that hitting, kicking, biting etc is wrong. He is going through a hitting phase at the moment, but every time he hits, he either gets put in time out or loses a treat or priveledge.
Not acceptable to ignore it. Not all parents do!!

AveryJessup · 08/05/2014 02:19

Well I have a 2.5 year old and I would be mortified if he had behaved like that. Luckily my DS is not prone to hitting or slapping (yet) but my friend's DS is. He just gets overstimulated and will bonk other kids on the head or push them over sometimes. She always intervenes and reprimands him, reminding him to use gentle hands and so on. It is definitely a phase that some toddlers go through more than others but that's not an excuse to ignore it.

Don't know many parents who would have the front to sit there and ignore their kid's behavior like this woman did!

Lufian · 08/05/2014 04:03

I have a hitter. He is improving greatly but for a while I had to hover every time another child was near him. I got very good at catching his arms and blocking headbutts. I would never expect another child to just put up with my son's behaviour! That lady was awful to you, sounds like you handled it with poise though.

MexicanSpringtime · 08/05/2014 04:19

Yuck, your poor dd. I had a friend like that once. She would never say a word to her daughter about hitting other children, but she would correct her on other things. I'm still annoyed about it nearly thirty years later.

TraceyTrickster · 08/05/2014 07:36

Sounds a bit like a kid at the park the other week. He would not share the flying fox with the big queue of other kids (there are 2 flying foxes, but he wanted one to himself) so I asked him to let other kids have a go...his response was to hit me!
I was shocked as he was 6 (said he went to school). Later he pointed me out to his mum, so I told her what happened and how he hit me. Her answer was ' that's not what he told me' My 6 yr old said 'he did hit my mum'...and the woman went back to texting.
Hope she enjoys his 'expression of frustration' later. He was perfectly verbal, so not from frustration at lack of language skills.

Some parents are just crap.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 08/05/2014 07:48

Never mind. In 10 years or so he'll be smashing the house up when his oven chips aren't browned correctly, or punching her for not giving up the last cigarette in the packet

DD at 2.5 once told the mother of a hitter "X is a naughty boy. He is naughty like a great big bum". She went really quite purple,:but DW put on her best Ellen Ripley face and a scene was avoided.

Original poster

spottymog · 08/05/2014 12:25

The frustrating thing is dd and I need to be there for that particular train and they've been there a few weeks beforehand too (but her ds was strapped in buggy before) so will probably be there next week and I don't think dd should have to put up with it. The silly thing is, when I spoke to him in a stern voice he stopped briefly and held out a toy for dd. His mothers helpless attitude is bloody annoying.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 08/05/2014 12:30

The parent was absolutely in the wrong here. Pathetic idiotic woman. And poor little boy that isn't getting any proper guidance or parenting. Just stay away from them.

Flip